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Spiritual Exercises
for the OBSSE


  1. Brush up on your physics and pathology, so as to better grasp the words of wisdom The Blessed One speaks. In your spare time, do some light reading from Sir Isaac Newton's "Philosophia Naturalis Principia Mathematica.

  2. Make sure your habit is in keeping with Saint Scully's Dress Code. Remember, the Blessed One's "Doctor Death" outfit is for evening wear only! Make sure you have the appropriate protective eyewear and mouthpiece and that your gown is neatly pressed. Active wear is "business casual." During the day, of course, the Dress Code consists strictly of power suits (usually pant suits)--muted colors, please. Three-inch heels are mandatory. Trench coats are optional. 

  3. Remember, spiritual exercise is best complemented with physical exercise. Members must display their prowess at running down busy intersections in the above-mentioned three-inch heels. Members should be able to outrun and overtake a highly trained terrorist despite the fact that they are vertically challenged. 

  4. The power of prayer is not to be underrated. Morning prayers should consist of the following phrase repeated 12 times: "Whatever extreme cases I have encountered I have always viewed through the lens of science." Evening prayers should repeat the following: "Mulder, you're nuts!"

  5. It is crucial that we do not forget the pain and suffering The Blessed One has experienced. All members must view "Beyond the Sea," "Irresistible," "Revelations," "Wetwired," "Tithonus," "Milagro," and most importantly, "Memento Mori" no less than 50 times each. Remember, pay particular attention to the scenes with Saint Scully and the social worker and Saint Scully's journal entries to Mulder. There will be a test. 

  6. Practice, practice, practice your SREs (Scully Rationale Explanations)! Despite whatever paranormal event you encounter, DENY EVERYTHING! 

    NOTE: Several members are continuing to have trouble with the "alien abduction thing." Remember, there are no such things as alien abductions! Alien abductions are just a smokescreen to hide the "truth" that the government has been performing genetic experiments on the public and covering it up with the outlandish notion that "aliens" are responsible. Remember, NO ALIEN ABDUCTIONS! (Unless St. Scully changes her mind and then we are all for them. Got that?)

  7. Have no life. The Blessed One is not allowed to have fun, so therefore, we must humbly follow in her morose footsteps. Lack of facial expressions are critical here! Smile infrequently. If you must smile, smirk. Don't laugh, especially if it's a Mulderist joke. That only encourages them. Work on the eyebrows!!! A raised eyebrow (only one!) is appropriate for the following occasions: 

    When questioning Mulder's or a Mulderist's irrational theory; When reviewing files and watching Mulder's slide show; When walking in on Mulder in the midst of viewing one of his "tapes." 

    NOTE: In reference to No. 7, "Have no life," some members have enquired whether celibacy is mandatory for the Order. The signs from St. Scully are unclear on this. All we, the Leaders of the Order, can say, Brothers and Sisters in Saint Scully, is that some things we must accept on faith.

  8. Certain practices are strictly forbidden. Members may not view any film entitled, "Bambi" or associate with people here thereto named as such. Discussions of cockroach genitalia are strictly forbidden! Tall bleached blonde detectives CAN NOT seek admittance into the Order. And, most importantly, members should curse and spit whenever at the name or sight of the most evil Diana Fowley. 

OBSSE Book of Common Prayer 
by Sister Autumn

Admittance to the OBSSE is only the beginning of your Spiritual Journey to Enigmatic  Enlightendness, not the end. As an OBSSE member, you are uniquely responsible for upholding the good name of the Order and St. Scully. And, as with any religious order worth its salt, your faith will be tested--constantly. 

 If you wish to maintain your good place in the Order, you must meet these tests with courage and vigilance. To assist you, the OBSSE offers the following guidelines to help you in your continuing pilgrimage to glorify St. Scully: 

  • As a member of the OBSSE, you may proudly use the affiliation in your sig line. You should not, however, EVER use this in a post where you are not representing the fundamental faith of the Order. OBSSE is not against freedom of speech, but, if you ever for some odd and frightening reason feel compelled to post comments that are unflattering to St. Scully or against OBSSE doctrines, do not use the Order in your sig (and you may want to pray really, really hard as well).

  • Remember, you must ALWAYS defend St. Scully - even when the cards are stacked against you. If Our Dear Dana thinks that contaminated groundwater made a book spontaneously combust, then so be it. Fangs *must* be calcium deposits despite what others may say. Photographic howlers can be created by old film and a heater - really! That snake tattoo is downright charming. This can be difficult for even the most devout, but remember, it is OK to laugh (with her - not ever at her), before taking up her defense. 

  • Despite your personal leanings on the great Scully/Mulder relationship debate you must always remember that St. Scully is much too good for Mulder. We aren't saying that she couldn't have a weak moment sometime in the future or that Mulder can't change (strike that - Mulder can't change), but even if you entertain romantic notions about them, be firm in your resolve. Remember, if and when Scully and Mulder ever should get together, it will be because St. Scully saw fit, in her infinite wisdom, to do so. And of course, Agent Mulder would be damn lucky! (St. Scully can certainly be forgiven her weak moments, as they happen so rarely.) 

If you follow these three simple guidelines, we can assure you a successful journey in your travels as a Sister or Brother of the OBSSE! 

Lexicon of the OBSSE

As an OBSSE member, one must be able to communicate effectively and efficiently with the Brothers and Sisters in the Order. Following is a short Lexicon of common OBSSE terms and acronyms to assist you in your transition to All Things Scully. (For a complete listing please visit the Official OBSSE Info Site)

The Blessed One: One of many monikers for Dana Scully. Also known as St. Scully, St.
Scully the Enigmatic, The Sainted One, Our Sainted Skeptic, and Her Pantsuitedness among others. 

Brother or Sister in St. Scully: A term used by Members of the Order when referring to
another member individually or to the Order communally. 

Dana Scully: St. Scully the Enigmatic. (See also "The Blessed One" above.) 

DD: Who? 

EI: Earthly Incarnation. A term used to describe Gillian Anderson, as the Earthly Incarnation of The Blessed One.

Fox Mulder: Who? 

GA: "Goddess Almighty." Also known as "Gillian Anderson," the wonderful and talented actress who portrays our Sainted leader. 

The Order: Short for the OBSSE. 

PI: Plastic Incarnation. The action figure representation of Her Pantsuitedness.

Scullycentric: An episode or event that centers around St. Scully or one's view of such an event. 

Scullyism: A statement of wisdom or wit from our Blessed Leader, usually preceded by the phrase: "All bow our heads as we read the Words of St. Scully:" Remember to quote chapter and verse in this fashion before speaking the words of The Blessed One: EX: "From the Book of St. Scully, Unruhe, Act IV." 

Scullyist: A requirement for being an OBSSE member. One is usually identified as a Scullyist if one focuses on the character of Dana Scully to the exclusion of all else in The X-Files, cares not for what her partner Fox Mulder does or says (unless it supports St. Scully's opinion), sides with her actions and arguments (no matter how ridiculous), and defends her decision to get drunk, get a tattoo, and spend the night with a homicidal maniac. 

SRE: Scully Rationale Explanation usually resulting in a "Scullyism." 

St. Scully: FBI Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully as divinely revealed to her followers.

The Ten Commandments
of St. Scully

1. Thou shalt recognize that there are no answers beyond the realm of science, only that the right questions have yet to be asked. 

2. Thou shalt view all things, ordinary or extraordinary, through the lens of science. 

3. Thou shalt live by thy intelligence and abilities, resorting to violence only in the extreme. 

4. Thou shalt command respect through thy intelligence, abilities, and conduct and by thy demonstration of respect for others. 

5. Thou shalt honor thy superiors and their rules but willingly break them when truth and justice demand it. 

6. Thou shalt challenge all theories, weigh all options, and consider alternate possibilities within the realm of science.

7. Thou shalt support, protect, and defend thy friends, willingly laying down thy life for them, if necessary. 

8. Thou shalt not seek vengeance, only justice. 

9. Thou shalt put up with a brilliant, egocentric, go off half-cocked, ditch-you-in-a-minute partner because thou art better than he.

10. Thou shalt always seek the truth, for it will save thee.

Prayers & Hymns

You can find the Official OBSSE Hymnal By Clicking Here

The Abbey Creed
By Sister Beer

I believe in Mother Margaret, Most Holy,
Creator of the Sacred Scully Home
And in St. Scully,
Her remaining daughter, Our Saint
Who was conceived on leave one Spring
Born to Mother Margaret
Suffered under a secret agenda
Was abducted, stripped of ova and returned
after four weeks, or maybe it was eight
She was back kicking asses
and taking names
All without the benefit of a desk.
I trust St. Scully to judge the living and the dead, for
I believe in the Holy Mother Margaret,
my protector, St. Scully,
the nuns of the OBSSE,
the forgiveness of sins...
paying special attention to those of the flesh, just in case any of 'em
might happen to Beloved St. Scully some day.


The 23rd Psalm (sort of)
By Sister Beer

The Blessed One is my agent; I shall not want.
From idiot box She gives me sustenance;
Beside tired FX repeats She leads me;
She refreshes my soul.
She guides me in logical paths
for Her name's sake.
Even though I walk in the valley of Rerun
I fear no Fowley; for She is on my mind
With Her SRE and arched eyebrow
That give me courage.
The Blessed One spreads Season Six before me
In the sight of Spender;
She anoints my head with real cream cheese
My bagel overflows.
Only science and rationality follow me
All the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the Abbey of the OBSSE
for years to come.

The OBSSE Prayer of Mourning
By Sister Alayne

O Blessed One, forgive  them, They know not what they do, 
In giving someone else the Emmy, That rightfully belonged to you.
As Brethern and Sistern in St. Scully, 
Let us be in earnest  prayer, 
That next year it will be Her Earthly Incarnation,
Giving the acceptance speech up there. 

The Mailing List Prayer
By Sister Paula and Sister Lens-of-Science

Our brethren, who art on the mailing list
Funny, be Thy name.
Thy homework comes
My mailbox is overrun
But still we refuse to use "digest".
Give us each day our break from RL,
And forgive us our combo posts
As we forgive those who refuse to use spellcheck.
Lead us not into flamewars, and deliver us from spoilers,
For Thine is the subject header, and the send button,
and the five-post rule, forever and ever.

Saint Scully Serenity Prayer
By Sister Bob Prophetess

O, Blessed One - grant me the Serenity to merely raise an
eyebrow at that which I cannot change, the Courage to shoot
that which I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

The Official Prayer of the First Fest
One Night in Austin (an OBSSE Fest Song Parody)
By Sister Jezebel
(To the tune of "One Night in Bangkok")

Austin! Texas is the setting
And the city don't know what the city is getting.
The creme de la creme of OBSSE's world in a
Show with everything but Jeff Spender.
Time flies--doesn't seem a minute
Since the Scullyrita had an umbrella in it.
All watch--don't you know that when you
See X-Files there's no ordinary venue.
One night in Austin and the world's your oyster.
The office burned down but the parking's free.
You'll find a clue in every golden cloister
And if I'm lucky then the clue will be
That angel Scully sliding up to me.
One town's very like another
When your head's down watching that video, brother.
(It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
That people look at Mulder 'stead of Scully, who's so pretty.)
Morleys, boys, hot and sweet.
Some are on fire in the Darin Morgan suite.
No time! You're talking 'bout a doctor
Whose every move is demure and proper.
She gets her kicks above the waistline, sunshine.
Austin's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of Scullyrita fitness.
This grips me more than would her
Absent desk or her partner Mulder.
And thank God I'm only watching the show--controlling it.
I could see you guys rating
The match with Skinner that I'm contemplating.
I'd let you watch, I would invite you,
But Lens would say that she would bite you.
So you'd better go back to your bars, your basements, your tattoo parlors...
One night in Austin and the world's your oyster.
The office burned down but the parking's free.
You'll find a clue in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little mystery.
Can you feel that Scully sliding up to thee?
One night in Austin makes OBSSE folk humble.
Not much between despair and ecstasy.
One night in Austin and the Muld'rists crumble.
Can't be too careful with your company.
I can feel CSM walking next to me.

In Praise of the Sainted Scientist
By Sister Xtine

O Thou of fiery hair and ice-blue eyes,
With heels that heighten and nose that bleeds (no more!)
Let us raise our hands in humble supplication.
And the wayward gazers on the Speedo shall repent,
They'll genuflect before Thee, and together we shall pray.
O rational! O beautiful!
Bless us with Thy hands, sheathed in latex.
Grace us with Thy smile, so rarely seen.
Thou art exalted above all skeptics, glorious Scully!
Medieval on the mutants,
Patient with the Punk,
Fill us with Thy mercy, enlighten and explain,
And lead us to that hallowed place,
Sunday nights at nine, in front of our TVs.

Our Scully, Who Art in Remission
By Sister Kim

Our Scully, who art in remission,
Hallowed be Thy work.
Thy will has won,
Thy cancer's gone,
Thank God our worries are over.
Give us this day, our daily ep
And forgive us all conspiracies,
As we forgive those who conspire against us.
Lead us not into danger,
And forgive us all nonSkepticisms.
For thine is the Wisdom, the Scientist, and St. Scully Forever,

Sister Elaine's Scully Krishna Poem/Mantra/Song Thingy: Version 1
By Sister Elaine

Scully, Scully, Krishna, Krishna!
I'd like you to have this coroner's's cap.
It's the Scully Krishna song!
Please be nice, and sing along!
OBSSErs' are in a funk--
Scully's been ditched by the Punk!
She wastes her IQ and her smiles--
Better She were paired with Giles!
Punk leaves Her "Paperworked" and "faxed"; 
Leave him in Russia, let him get waxed!
(That this would not occur is so;
She is strong, and true, we know.)
Scully alone can ever preserve him--
God help us all, but Ratboy deserves him!
Tis pity the Punk should know no better;
Our Lady should be his raison d'etre.
It's the end of the song, though not Her story;
No matter events of "Memento Mori!"

Sister Elaine's Scully Krishna Poem/Mantra/Song Thingy Version 2:
The Emmy Version
By Sister Elaine

Scully, Scully, Krishna, Krishna--
I'd like you to have this coroner's scalpel.
It's the Scully Krishna song!
Won't you help and sing along?
Joy of joy, and thrill of thrills!
H'wood finally saw her skills!
Through Files UFOd and BEMmy,
Dana came through--got an Emmy!
Sing praise for intellect and beauty,
Strength of will and sense of duty!
The best of luck to Her we like--
Too bad, too bad, O Doctor Mike!
A second of silence and no cheer--
Too bad, Punk--perhaps next year!
When all's said and when all's done,
O joy! O bliss! Our Gillian's won!

Our Scully, of Never Again
By Sister Monet Inscrutable

St. Scully who art in D.C.
Unsullied be thy name.
For whether thou didst or did not
Bonk the night away with a divorced stock broker,
Thou art still a righteous chick;
One whom we all wish to emulate.
And forgive those prudes who
Blaspheme in thy name;
They know not what they say.

A Prayer for the Mulderists
By Sister Lil Scully

St. Scully, full of wisdom,
The truth is out there.
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed be thy illogical partner, Mulder.
Holy Dana, Sweet Skeptic and seeker of honest answers,
Pray for thy ignorant Mulderists.
Now and at the hour of their conversion,
As we know they will eventually see
Thy radiant light.