Mission
The mission of the Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic is to celebrate the wisdom and teachings of The Blessed One and to witness to X-Philes everywhere that St. Scully is the heart and soul of the X-Files. After that we are working on world domination.
Creed
We, the Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic, do believe in the virtual perfection of St. Scully the Enigmatic as evidenced by her cosmic intelligence, strength of character, high moral standards (well... usually), unrelenting dedication to truth and justice, opposition to evil, loyalty, faith, compassion, professional dress and demeanor, and inexplicable but admirable friendship and caring for one Fox Mulder.
Because of our belief in her divine nature, we, the Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic, declare our deepest respect for and humblest admiration of Dana Scully, pledge our allegiance to her, and dedicate ourselves to emulating her in our thoughts, words, and deeds, defending to our death (or until we catch a nasty cold) her honor and approaching all things, explicable and inexplicable, with an open mind and heart yet always viewing them through the reasoned lens of science.
Please answer the following questions honestly:
It's Saturday night. Would you rather:
a) go out and get drunk,
b) have sex,
c) bathe your Pomeranian or write a paper?
You decide to leave your partner screaming in a padded cell while you take off to the beaches of West Africa. Poring over the contents of your suitcase, you pick out the perfect ensemble for discovering a UFO that has been buried, undiscovered, under three inches of sand for millions and millions of years. You hit the beach, resplendent in:
a) A cool, cotton shirt with a tank underneath, canvas walking shorts, Tevas, a pair of Raybans, a Tilley hat, 10,000 SPF sunscreen, and a bottle of mineral water in a specially designed harness that slips over the shoulder,
b) A kicky little yellow spaghetti-strap mini-dress, $10.00 drugstore shades, jellybean flats, and a big-ass floppy brimmed hat with a big bow in the back,
c) An expensive, dry-clean only linen suit with a long skirt that drags in the surf, and bare feet?
You are about to go on vacation for the first time in years. To get ready, you:
a) Buy your partner pencils and leave your cellphone at home,
b) Go shopping for yourself and buy a really cute wraparound skirt,
c) Wonder why would you bother going on vacation, look what happened last time?
You have just purchased a brand new refrigerator. In which room should this appliance go?
a) Kitchen,
b) Bathroom,
c) Living room?
You witness dozens of short, grey-skinned creatures run by you in a dark cavern. Do you think they are:
a) leprechauns,
b) aliens,
c) midgets with a rare skin condition?
It's late. You're tired. What will you do in order to enjoy a refreshing night's sleep?
a) Peel off your clothes and crawl under the covers,
b) Shower first and pull on an old t-shirt,
c) Put on fresh make-up and strap on the push-up bra?
You've just found out that you have a rare form of inoperable brain cancer. Do you:
a) run hysterically from the room in tears,
b) throw yourself into oncoming traffic, or
c) tell anyone who asks, "I'm fine."
You feel the need to rebel against authority, to break out of the mundane. Do you:
a) come naked to work,
b) take up juggling,
c) ask your colleague why you don't have a desk?
You are vertically challenged, running down a street, and wearing three-inch heels. Under these conditions do you:
a) trip and break your nose,
b) get your heel caught in a crack and get hit by a truck,
c) outrun and overtake a highly trained terrorist?
You're an extraordinarily smart, attractive, capable woman. You've succeeded in your career as an FBI agent, *and* as a doctor (which is convenient for those troublesome times when you just have to shoot your partner for his own good). Basically, you're the cat's ass. Do you:
a) Marry that cute, dimwitted guy you met on the job and try to have it all: family, career, nifty wardrobe and automatic weapons,
b) Retire from the FBI to become the center of a bizarre internet religious cult, er... joke, taking the occasional weekend trip to "proselytize" in Aruba.
c) Don't date, don't socialize, wear black most of the time, allow your family to berate you endlessly, and frequently hallucinate your gory demise.
It's Christmas time. Do you:
a) throw a party,
b) go shopping,
c) dress all in black, sit alone, and pout at your brother's house in San Diego, awaiting the revelation that you have a child you didn't know about whom you will subsequently lose? (You may also opt to put on your best stain resistant white blouse and hallucinate about being shot for a little holiday cheer).
An odd stranger seems to know and awful lot about you, but is highly complimentary. Do you:
a) have a restraining order taken out,
b) tell your partner "I bet I could get a desk from this guy"
c) decide to have coffee on his bed with him?
When a dangerous suspect you have been trailing for days disappears, do you immediately:
a) Ask for additional backup,
b) Stay at your headquarters,
c) Go home and get ready to take a bath?
Your obviously delusional partner confesses he loves you right after telling a tale sounding oddly like a "Wizard of Oz" dream. Is your response to:
a) launch yourself into the hospital bed on top of him,
b) slap his face just so he will snap out of it,
c) shake your head and walk away?
Your partner, who is being pushed by Evil´s even More Evil sister, points a gun at you and is about to pull the trigger. Do you:
a) Shoot him in the other shoulder,
b) Quickly stop, drop, and roll,
c) Act as if his mother's first name is the greatest secret you´ve ever shared?
You're about to go on your most dangerous case yet and your intuition tells you there could be unexpected unpleasantness. Do you:
a) Take a clue from Mulder and strap on an ankle holster,
b) Ditch the case and go to the Bahamas,
c) Decide that this is just the occasion for your white blouse?
The Answers
If you answered "C" to all 16 questions, then you are a strong candidate for the OBSSE. Scroll down and send us your "E-mail of Initiation."
If you missed one or two answers, then you need to brush up on your Scullyist philosophy. Spend some more time meditating in the Chapel, and try again.
If you missed three to five answers, you need some real work. Rewatch "Beyond the Sea," "Irresistible," "Memento Mori," "Never Again," "Christmas Carol," and "Milagro" 10 times each and try again.
