News for the OBSSEsed
Issue No. 18, September 1998

Welcome to a New TV Season! (Or not)

Dear Sisters and Brothers in St. Scully:

It's September. For U.S. television fans, that usually means the start of a new TV season. If you're an XF fan, however, all it signifies is another two full months of waiting for the new season to premiere on November 8.


But don't worry. The Order of the Blessed St. Scully is here to help you find peace in these troubled times. We are more than happy to help you wile away these Scullyless days with wit, wisdom, and communion with your like-minded Sistren and Brethren from around the world.

So sit back and enjoy this month's issue of News for the OBSSEsed featuring the winners of our Pose St. Scully Action Figure Photo Contest, XF fashion Dos and Don'ts from Sisters Paula R. and La..Dee..Da.., an international report on XF in Israel by Brother Pilgrim,  the ever popular advice column "Ask Sister Autumn" by our own Dear Abby of the Abbey, Sister AutumnT, fanfic picks, and more, more, more!

And if you're reading this before the Emmy Awards air on September 13, don't forget to eat a heaping plate of pasta (preferably spaghetti with a tomato sauce) in honor of GA that evening--just for luck.

Don't ask why. Just pick up your plate and make it happen.

Nancy's Signature
RevMa Nancy (no clever sig)

And the Winners Are...
by RevMa Nancy

You've waited. You've wondered. You've worried that we forgot.

For over two months, the entries in the "Pose St. Scully Action Figure Photo Contest" have poured in to OBSSE headquarters. The creativity our Sisters, Brothers, and Interested Readers have shown has been exceptional. Thank you to all who entered! We wish we could give awards to everyone, but alas, we are nonprofit.

Nevertheless, we do have three winners and two honorable mentions. (Yeah, we had a hard time choosing. Do you want to make something of it?) Awards were generally based on three criteria: 1) Composition (Sorry, we marked WAY DOWN for blurring), 2) Creativity, and 3) Cleverness (Always an OBSSE "must").

So, without further ado, let us present our winners, the first three of which will receive an Official OBSSE Fest tshirt, Scully bumpersticker, and Mulder ball. Our two honorable mentions will receive bumperstickers and Mulder balls as well. Congrats to all, and thanks to JRH for assisting with the judging.

First Place
Megan Reilly: Untitled
First Place: Megan Reilly

Second Place
Joyce Bezazian: "Girl Power"
Second Place: Girl Power

Third Place
Synnova (Cherish): "Twister Time"
Third Place: Twister Time

Honorable Mention
Jeanne Mueller: "Dana Doolittle"
Honorable Mention: Dana Doolittle

Honorable Mulderistic Mention
Special Pants (Clare Kubiak):
"Agent Mulder and the Well BBQed Man"
Honorable Mention: Well BBQed Man
Congratulations to all our winners!

Around the Abbey
by RevMa Nancy

What good is having an OBSSEsed Fest (featured in last month's newsletter) if you can't share it with the guest of honor? Since Gillian Anderson couldn't come to our Fest (Well, no, we didn't ask her....), we decided to send a bit of our Fest to her. So, in honor of GA's birthday, and as our way of telling her once again how much we love her work, we sent an OBSSEsed Fest '98 care kit to Ms. Anderson. What was in the kit? Read our letter to Ms. Anderson (below) to find out. (Hang on to those Mulder Balls, GA. We think you may need them! ;)

August 10, 1998

Dear Ms. Anderson:

Hello! It's us again--The Order of the Blessed St. Scully the Enigmatic (OBSSE). We're that "tongue-in-cheek" group on the Internet that gave you the nameplate for Scully's desk/door when you were in New York, remember? Yeah. That's us! :)

First off, we hope things are going well for you in LA. Secondly, we want to wish you BEST OF LUCK on the Emmy Awards. (We thought "All Souls" kicked ass! Don't know if that's the one you submitted, but it was wonderful!) And finally, we wanted to send you this "special treat" that you have before you. But first, a little explanation...

Earlier this summer, the OBSSE held our first ever gathering called, "OBSSEsed Fest." Around 50 people from our Order from ALL OVER THE WORLD came to Austin, Texas to get together for the first time in "real life," and we had a BLAST! (Wish you could have been there ;) Seriously, we had folks fly in from as far away as Singapore, the UK, Canada, and Germany just to meet one another in real life and to have a silly, carefree time together. In addition to seeing the movie together and going out on group dinners, we watched videos (drank), played "Guess What XF Character Am I" (drank), sang (drank), and played a game of Team XF Charades. We also drank. Did I mention that?

Anyway, it was an outstanding time for all. Who knew 50 different people from all walks of life who never met before (teachers, mothers, students, musicians, name it!) could have such a good time getting together?

Anyway, we wanted you to share a bit in our fun, so we've sent you a care package from OBSSEsed Fest. Your package includes:

Well, we hope you enjoy our little care kit. Once again, your work is outstanding. Remember, there are folks out here (1,000 of us!!!) who believe that Scully rocks. It's not all about Mulder.

Take care,

Nancy (no clever sig) Cotton
And the 1,000 members of the Order of the Blessed St. Scully the Enigmatic

OBSSE Fall Fashion Tips
by Sisters La..Dee..Da.. and Paula R.

Ah, fall weather! Time to put away those bright colors of summer in favor of something far more practical, far more stylish, far more...well...X-Fileish. Thankfully, Sisters La..Dee..Da.. and Paula R., OBSSE fashion consultants extraordinaire, are here to help guide the flock in selecting the right Fall Fashion Apparel just in time for Season Six. Arm yourselves with Armani, don your Donna Karan, and away we go!

Seasonal SuitsDO:
Wear basic black and charcoal this season. Run, don't prance, to your nearest Donna Karan outlet, and stock up on this fashion staple. Yes, we all like a shot of color now and then, but black has been, is, and always will be -- elegant.

Forget the Wonder Bra. It really does work wonders, and poor Miss Jane could use a miracle. Her light gray tweed suit, while conservative and appropriate for the office, not only gives her complexion a pasty pallor,  it conveys the wrong message: "Defibrillate me STAT!"

Seasonal WeaponsDO:
Carry a compact Sig Sauer 9mm semi-automatic M220 as a firearm accessory this season. Scully and her Sig are the picture of sleek sophistication. Discreetly concealed in waistband or slim holster, we don't need to wonder whether she's packing heat or not -- we just know.

Carry a big-ass gun. Linda's weapon clearly overwhelms her already questionable ensemble. If you must, tuck your grenade launcher neatly in a tote or handbag, leaving plenty of room for dayplanner, lipgloss, and hair accessories.

Trendy TrenchcoatsDO:
Dress for success. Scully portrays polished professionalism as seen here. Her classic black trench coat is always in style and goes easily from day into evening. See how easily she just picks up her badge and makes it happen?

Overdress for your interview. Glinda won't get the job offer but not for her lack of enthusiasm. Her crown and magic wand imply perhaps a bit too much confidence, despite her winning smile. A knee-length dress sans sequins would have been far more suitable. Always save your crown or wand for after hours, and follow this garment guideline: "If it's wider than the door, a little less is always more."

Picking the Right PetDO:
Dress appropriately for the occasion. Scully's weekend togs are just right for pom washing. And, should her cellphone ring mid-suds with a more tempting invitation, her slightly mussed 'do can be twisted into a chic chignon at a moment's notice.

Dress like a bee. Here we have sportswear only Marita Covarrubius could love. Marlo's fashion faux pas CRIES OUT for antennae, and choosing poultry over pooch for a day in the park is ALWAYS a wrong choice. Wrong print, wrong pet, wrong holiday.

Flattering ForensicwearDO:
Don cerulean scrubs to flatter your blue eyes during alien autopsies. Scully's forensic fashion sense tells her cerulean blue is just the ticket when charcoal pinstripe scrubs are unavailable. Notice her sleek 'do and tasteful choice in protective eyewear.

Just don't. No amount of life support will revive Dr. Mike's dreadful drab dress. We suggest she donate this clunker to the little yard sale on the prairie and opt for prophylactics and a crisp white lab coat for her days in the clinic.

Sultry StitchesDO:
Apply trim white bandages to frequent left temple injuries. Scully's choice in fashionable first-aid draws our gaze upward to her beautiful eyes and softly coifed 'do.

Shave your head.

Judicial JewelryDO:
Opt for simple jewelry. The Blessed One's gold cross has come to symbolize her enigmatic elegance and her inner spirituality while at the same time complimenting her entire wardrobe.

Wear a horse necklace. Alice should have known it would take both hands to hold up her oversized pendant, and no amount of eyeliner will draw the attention back to her eyes. An all too common fashion misstep.

OBSSE in 21 Nations!

OBSSE International Report: XF in Israel
by Brother B. Pilgrim

(This article was written earlier this summer by our Beloved Brother Pilgrim, but alas, until now, has not made its way to this newsletter. I apologize for the delay. The photos that accompany this article are of Brother Pilgrim's attempt to crash the OBSSE Fest. They have nothing whatsoever to do with this article. I just think they're funny. :-) Thanks to all the Elders and Helpers at Fest who created them. --RM (NCS)

Pilgrim En SaladeI am B. Pilgrim, a humble Brother of our Order. I have been given the awe-inspiring and spiritually fulfilling task by our beloved Reverend Mother of speaking to you concerning my on going missionary work in the name of St. Scully (blessed be her laptop) in the little state of Israel.

I am pleased to report considerable success, at least in preparing the population for the revealing of Scully's divine truth. There is not a major Hebrew language magazine that has not had a cover story featuring TBO or that other guy over the last 2-3 years. The most popular television channel in the nation (called, cleverly enough, Channel 2) shows The X-Files weekly, to an audience of over 7 million viewers. This makes TXF the most popular foreign show in the country. The show is subtitled, thus saving TBO from having to learn to speak Hebrew in order to reach her Israeli followers. The X-Files is translated as "Tikim B'Afala", The Mysterious or Obscure Files. In Israel we too are watching Season 5, having just viewed The Red and The Black. We can also see reruns from previous episodes by watching Star Plus, a cable channel originating in India. Many of the novels have been translated into Hebrew, and the American videos are available here in subtitled form.

As you can see, St. Scully is very well known by the average Israeli, though I have a hard time convincing them of her divinity. This is due to the fact that many people here suspect that she and her partner are real people, or at least based upon real agents in the FBI. Israelis are great believers in conspiracies of all kinds, therefore they tend to view TXF as sort of like 20/20, but with better special effects.

"Israelis are great believers in conspiracies of all kinds,
therefore they tend to view TXF as sort of like 20/20,
but with better special effects."

Do not mistake...the Israeli public tends to be very intelligent and media savvy. It is for just that reason that so much in the X-Files strikes them as really quite plausible. I once had an Israeli who watched the show casually ask me, "When will the X-Files have an episode about the whole Monica Lewinski thing? Scully and Mulder should investigate that, shouldn't they?" I of course told her that they were going to deal with that issue in the upcoming movie. I have had many Israelis tell me that they had taken the tour of the Hoover Building while visiting Washington, and as has happened to many people, been told that there are no X-Files in the real FBI. Unlike other people, however, no Israeli who has mentioned this to me actually believed them. They assumed that they were just hiding them somewhere. I agreed, and congratulated them on their resistance to American mind control technology. Those who accept the fact that Scully and that male-model person aren't actually laboring away against international conspiracies think that they should be, and their absence shows a lack of real-politick on the part of the FBI.

Brother Pilgrim EmbibesAs you can see, my work is being strangely hampered by the nature of the Israeli psyche. As a people, we truly want to believe. I have encountered TXF in every area of my life here. Strangers have wished to know where I get my X-Files T-shirts and paraphernalia. I told them that St. Scully left them in my briefcase for being a good boy. Just last month while doing my army service in Lebanon, I met a young officer who was known to the men in his unit as Ish HaSartan....the Cancer Man. He chain smokes Marlboros and has developed the habit of taking the cigarette out of his mouth and looking at it while he speaks. I spent several evenings in his office with only a reading lamp on his desk for illumination, a half filled bottle of Lebanese Arak between us, watching the smoke swirl through the half-light as we discussed TXF and conspiracies in general. Let's just say that he had a unique perspective on world events. The most surreal moment of my entire two week stay with this officer and his unit took place before a night patrol. It is customary for an officer to say a few words to his unit before he leads them from the safety of the base. These are often highly individual, and at times become almost like chants, with his comments followed by a rote response from the men, sort of like a football cheer. It appears that it was his habit, as occurred that night, for him to yell "Nothing Vanishes Without a Trace!" to which the unit replies with a heart felt "BURN IT!", just as their armored personnel carrier pulls out. I must say that got my pulse racing. I wish we had come across the Punk that night, oh my yes.

So you see my Brethren, TXF has had a deep effect in places far removed from the United States. If I can continue to avoid ritual stoning by either my Jewish co-religionists or the devout Muslim population, I anticipate complete Scullyist conversion here sometime near 2005. May the good lord hasten the day, when at the close of every episode, groups of OBSSE members, gathered together to receive the wisdom of TBO, will be able to say, "Next Year, In Jerusalem."

Thank you, and good night America, where ever you are.

ASKAUTMN.gif (26109 bytes)
by Sister Autumn T.

My goodness! It's been so long, I've almost forgotten how to write this column. Some of you people have had your problems sitting in my inbox for months now just gathering dust. No doubt you've been distraught and completely paralyzed in life while you await my wisdom, fumbling about, unsure of each and every move....

Oh well, enough about you. I'm back now, and if you have burning issues only I can solve for you, drop me a line at Ask Sister Autumn. I'll get around to you. Eventually.

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She-Whose-Radiance-Is-Surpassed-Only-By-That-Of-The-Blessed-One's-Ever-Fully- Charged-Flashlight:

I am in a quandary, oh great Sister.

I have been coming to the Order, quietly, for many months now. But, in all that time, I have not joined for I fear I would bring shame to the sanctity of the Order. You see, just as I worship The Blessed One, so too do I worship others. These Others, while perhaps not as venerated and as well-written as St. Scully, precede my conversion to the OBSSE way of thinking. And my love, admiration, and worship of these Others have continued even after my realization of the true wonder of Her Pantsuitedness. Would St. Scully find me unworthy if my adoration of these Others, which include St. Ivanova the Always-Right, St. Ms. Parker the Intimidating, and St. Janeway the Intrepid, were to continue unabated after joining the Order?

And, if I *were* to abandon these Others, even for St. Scully herself, would it not appear to Her that, in changing idols so quickly, I am fickle and ultimately unreliable?

I await your wise and insightful answer.

Humbly Yours,
Leah Frey


First, extra credit for the opening suck up. In fact, I chose to answer your letter first because it was so well done. Unfortunately you're going to need that extra credit and more to get through the rest of this because it ain't gonna be pretty.

You showed some promise in your attempt to craft an SRE to explain your misguided behavior, but don't try to fool me, of all people, with logic games. You lost all credibility when you assigned the Saint moniker to those lesser frivolous persons. You would call that evil Parker person a saint? That Babylon 5 woman? And Janeway? While she may be noble, don't even get me started with her hair. I'm sorry, Leah, but you've been bad. Very, very bad. Appreciation of others is fine, but this worship of false idols is way beyond the bounds of common sense here. We don't call her Saint Scully because we think it's a cute nickname. When angels begin to pay these other women personal visits just to help them find their car keys then, and only then, can you even begin to make comparisons.

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Dearest Sister Autumn:

I was shocked to hear, not to mention see, in the movie that our dearly beloved St. Scully was half-naked (I'm talking up there) and was being rescued by Mulder, A.K.A. Punk. What would this possibly mean for the upcoming season?

From a very paranoid Sister Spice

Dear Scary Spice,

News flash: she wasn't half naked (I'm talking down there). What does this mean for the upcoming season? Well, I suspect Mulder won't be having quite as many nightmares, but will still have a difficult time sleeping peacefully.

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Dear Autumn, Most Enlightened Wielder of the Sacred Trout and All Around Swell Elder,

I have sinned.

In anticipation of the film, I faithfully watched the Blessed One's Earthly Incarnation -- now we can tell them apart by the hair, isn't that neat? -- appear on various talk shows. I suffered through the pain of Leno, but ... I was unable to make it through "The Magic Hour" without turning off the TV.

His mumbling, painful attempts at repartee -- they taxed the patience of this sister, watching at home, and after the Season 5 Scully Torture Epidemic, I could not bear to watch even the Earthly Incarnation suffer, again.

Should I turn in my wimple? Is there any hope of redemption?

Sister Lauren,
praying for a visitation on the Late Show so that I may atone for this transgression

Dear Lauren who loathes Leno and likes Letterman,

Magic was anything but, and (most people don't know this, but just between us girls) his show was actually canceled by the OBSSE. After having to actually witness the lovely and temporarily brown haired woman who deserves ALL THE PRIZES have to endure that pain - well, we had to act. A vote was quickly taken amongst the Elders and, while I won't say he sleeps with the fishes, let's just say Magic and the trout got to be good friends.

----------letter.gif (100 bytes)
Sister Autumn,

I'm looking for enlightenment about the true nature of Scully. I've looked everywhere and have not found the answer to my question. When exactly did Scully blossom into the woman she is? Early on she was somewhat plain, but with the movie, she has become glamorous. When did this transformation happen?


Dear Poster Child for Corrective Lenses,

Somewhat plain? I'll grant you that the pilot was not her best look, but despite persistent hair issues in the first two seasons, there were wonderful moments. I'd hardly peg the movie as her transformation point. The beauty of The Blessed One is that she *continues* to blossom and with each consecutive year, despite the horrors she must face, becomes more and more lovely. She's the only woman I've seen capable of actually making frostbite or a simple left temple bandage a fashion accessory that works.

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Dear Sister Autumn:

I read the latest newsletter regarding the "Fest" with great sadness ... or jealousy, I'm not sure which. Forgive me for not being as strong as the Sainted One, but I so regret not being able to join my fellow Sisters & Brothers on your get-together. Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself because of my puny bank account.

I simply MUST be able to attend the next "Fest." I may be only a 105 pound Sister, but I simply love to eat good food. My mouth was watering (between laughs) while I read about all of the wonderful places you attended to "fill up."

Please help me, dear Sister, as I am contemplating selling my house, car, truck, and maybe myself (although the latter may raise much less money) in order to attend the next gathering.

Praying for jealousy remission,
Sister Sabe

Sister Sabe,

You just had to toss in that "105 pounds" bit didn't you? Once XeNanchita, Warrior Snack Princess gets a hold of you, we'll make darn sure that will end quickly. I've heard she is thinking about simply strapping 5 pound chip bags to attendees' heads upon arrival next year. As we don't have a movie to attend the theme might be "Feed the Future." Despite all this, I'm confused as to how I can help as you obviously have a plan in place. I mean what's more important: shelter, transportation, and personal pride or BOULDER 99?

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Oh Demure One,

I write to you not only out of my own selfish desire to hear your words of wisdom, but also to help those six or seven other OBSSE brothers and sisters who were lucky enough to find the movie action figures. Sure, the thrill of seeing the Blessed One in a plastic incarnation was enough to have me jumping for joy for a few minutes, but soon the 'shipper in me could not be denied any longer.

They were calling to me, I tell you, Mulder screaming out of his little box to help me finish what that not-a-movie-wording bee ended in The could I resist tearing open those boxes and posing my favorite fibbies in ... um ... very pure and proper poses?

Okay, so maybe I wasn't thinking all that *purely*, but cut me some slack, okay? Anyway, the Scully side of my brain kicked in, telling me to keep the cute little figures in their plastic housing, to keep them in ... unsoiled ... and pristine condition. I had to fight myself to keep control, but in the end the Scully side won, and my figures are still as pure and plasticisized as the day I bought them. Oh, Sister Autumn, whatever should I do? Risk the ruin of my pretty little figures by tearing the boxes into little bits and posing them to my heart's content? Or deny myself, and our wonderful saint, of the pleasure of some passionate posing by keeping them in their boxes?

Sister Lara

Sister Lara,

You have more patience than I. I don't understand this whole unsullied collectable thing. They're TOYS for crying out loud, and they ask, nay, DEMAND to be played with. I ripped mine out of the packages so fast a miniature cell phone went flying and then was promptly carted off by one of my cats. While my purposes were not to engage said figures in carnal poses (See Sister Lens-of- Science for that sort of thing), I do have them in a lovely tableau with Mulder standing in supplication before a Warrior Nun while an alien sneaks up on him. Meanwhile, Her PantSuitedness has another alien flipped on his head by a mere flick of her wrist while she makes an important call to a certain special nun. My grey suit Scully (the one that is supposedly rare and worth money) - well I shoved her in the cryopod because every good Scullyist knows the suit is wrong so she must be a clone or shapeshifter. Plus Parka!Scully didn't seem to like her much and who am I to deny She of the Lovely Frostbit Face. Does that answer your question?

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Dear Sister Autumn,

Now I am convinced it's All About You! I was using my search engine page looking for anything that pertained to "Fight the Future" -- you know, that X-Files movie that was released. There were many entries for "Fight the Future." I was happy. But, for some reason my search engine pulled up a link to the following page when I searching all things "Fight the Future":

I was amazed.

I was convinced.

It IS all about you and a particular cold-blooded animal living wholly in water. But, my dilemma is is that now all I can think about is you and not our Most Beloved Saint Scully. Dearest Elder Autumn, what is a mere Sister like myself supposed to do? Should I even want to go back to thinking it's All About Saint Scully?? And, did you put the above URL on the FTF search engine page?

Just curious,
Sister Tammy Perpetua

Dear Sister Perpetua,

While no, I did not place the URL in the search engine, it is a bit of a sign don't you think? As every OBSSE member knows, we are all here to worship She Who Spurns Salt Lake, I do like to think I have some influence. By the way, I think you meant "in holy water" not "wholly in water." I think it will be much easier to go back to thinking it is all about St. Scully after November 8th. But if you still want to think about me on Tuesdays and Thursdays during happy hour, that is fine too.

What's in an Inkblot? You decide!
by Sister Paula R.

OBSSE Ink Blot TestIt's September. Naturally, that means an inkblot for this month's OBSSE poll. Why you ask? Simply because the premiere of Season 6 is STILL TWO MONTHS AWAY AND WE SAY SO AND WE LIKE INKBLOTS AND ... AND ... IT'S TRADITION!! Now, where were we.... Oh yes, this month's challenge is to throw caution to the wind and reveal your personal Scullyistic preoccupations by stating what you see in the inkblot presented. For example, one may see Chris Carter in a ridiculous party hat at a booksigning telling all his adoring fans, "YES INDEEDY! Scully SAW it!!" while throwing confetti. Or Sister Lens of Science, for example, may simply say, "I see tongue." And in case you're wondering, there is something hidden in the inkblot, to be revealed next month. If the poll results are too alarming, perhaps we'll have Dr. K analyze your projections -- for the sake of science, of course.

Your Name: 

Your E-Mail: 

Are you an OBSSE Member? Yes No

It's September, and the XF premiere is still two months away,
so when I look at this inkblot I see...

I'm taking a slightly different approach this month in the column. Think of these recommendations as "quick hits"--a great introduction to authors you may have not heard of before. I've found a lot of good new stuff out there in the past few months and wanted to introduce you all to a few new faces on the fanfic scene (well, at least new to me!). I hope you enjoy these authors as much as I did. If you've got fanfic recommendations, please email them to me at


Doing a character study and making it true is not a trivial task. In fact, the success stories are few and far between. "Reach" is a beautiful example of a big success. This story is equal parts delightful, introspective, smart, and sad. I always know I've hit a winner when I wistfully wish that things like this would happen on the screen. Plus, any story that has Scully drinking margaritas begs to be recognized on these pages. All of Khyber's work can be found at this website.

Justin Glasser

A perfect story for the Order. Scully gets a call from "Kevin" (you know the one) shortly after the events of "All Souls" and we are right back in the thick of that which gives St. Scully her enigmatic nature. A nice companion piece to "Revelations" and added depth into Scully's religious struggle complete with a really creepy foe. You might also enjoy his post "Kill Switch" story "Wake" in which Mulder has trouble sleeping and Scully contemplates karate.


Want to read a story in which The Blessed One gets to do all the things we like her to do? Look no further than this tale from one of our Order's own. She drives, she ditches, she uses science, she believes when it makes sense. A refreshingly good first person story that weaves everything from Psychic!Scully to the warmth and distance paradox of Mulder and Scully's relationship in "Ossuary" . All her work is available at her website.

Annie Sewell- Jennings

For the NC-17 fans out there (children avert your eyes), a first person Mulder look at the "Metamorphosis" of Dana Scully through the years, and then what happens to them on one evening. This one is not only going to steam up your monitor, but it contains an honesty too often lacking in the NC-17 genre. Really a beautiful piece.

Suzanne Schramm

Looks like the events of the movie put me in a romantic mood this summer. This story has all the things I like when in a certain mood: an interesting case, a good grasp on the characters and their internal conflicts, and some sex. Hooboy! If you're in this mood too, give in to the "Impulse". You won't be sorry. Plus, it starts out with a great line: "Scully, have you ever wanted to kill me?"

Jennifer Stoy

She's known around the Abbey as the BeadSlut for reasons I won't go into here, but it's her creative style that keeps us entertained. In response to a homework assignment (so I feel partially responsible) out popped this short angsty gem. Scully, her thoughts, and a convertible take to the road in "Drive, He Said". All her work is available at her website.

L. McCullen

Here's another first attempt, and this one is huge. This novel length story will leave you shocked that the author is just giving fanfic a try now. This is the story of what happens to Mulder and Scully when the X-Files is really disbanded. For good. Their fumbled attempts to figure out where they are in each other's lives is a virtual angst-fest in the beginning. It had my stomach in knots. This one has conspiracy, angst, and romance. If you're in the mood for a good long tale, settle in with "Never For You".

Reliving an OBSSEsed Moment...

Back in May, the OBSSE (represented by Sisters Autumn, La..Dee..Da.., and Nanchita) made a holy pilgrimage to the XF Expo in New York City to present the Blessed One herself (in her earthly guise of Gillian Anderson) with a nameplate for St. Scully. A complete transcript of that most holy event can be found here. Since then, however, we've received a great photo of GA admiring her new Scully nameplate (below). Note the writing on the back of the nameplate, which says: "Gillian, we're still working on the desk!--Love, the OBSSE" :)

GA in New York

Welcome New Sisters and Brothers!
by Sister Lens-of-Science

Every month (well, except last month maybe), we spotlight a few recent additions to our OBSSE family. Because we combined issues last month, we're a little behind in welcoming our new Brethren and Sistren. And hoo-boy, are there a lot of them! The OBSSE has had quite the population explosion lately. Nearly 1,000 members! (More or less, but who's counting? If you want to count, feel free. We could use the hand.) Anyway, welcome to all of our new (and not so new) Sisters and Brothers:

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother Simon Butler avows:
For years I have sat in silence, searching cyberspace for a place to state and put into practice my devotion. I have found it.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Ann D. reveals:
After discovering the OBSSE website, I spent many hours contemplating the countenance of TBO in an effort to discern whether I was worthy to become a member of this most saintly order. I then subscribed to the OBSSE mailing list and, after six weeks of reading the sage writings of the Brothers and Sisters, I realized that if those luna-... umm, I mean "devotees" were worthy, then I certainly was. Plus, I make a mean Scullyrita, so I'm sure my talents could be put to good use should Brother Colin ever injure his blender-button pushing finger.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother Brent Dubrovnik states clearly:
I have a religious experience every time I see Scully.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Nancy FF reflects:
Because many have told me I would... those whose judgement I trust.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes) Brother Uncle Pedro shares:
I've worshipped at the altar of GA since the pilot ep, conscientiously defend science every Sunday at nine, and firmly believe that should they ever "Get Together," it will be entirely out of Scully's pity for her obviously mentally-defective partner. I also attained a perfect score on the Admittance Test (well, on question one, I would have stayed in, gotten drunk, THEN bathed Queequeg).

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister SculXFS declares:
My higher education hath shewn me that the true path is that of science. If there be a fact that seems to disprove science, it is because the science necessary hath not been written yet. (Also, with two jobs, I have no life.)

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Kristin Davis acknowledges:
I just recently got my computer and got on the internet. On one of my first internet searches I found your wonderful abbey and knew that it was divine intervention from The Blessed One that I had finally found others who felt the same way.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Lori the Maladroit admits:
I daydream about dying my hair red, getting a cell phone, and packing a pistol. My big feet easily reach the pedals, but at heart I, too, am vertically-challenged.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Natalie R. pledges:
I have recently been born again into the Light of The Sainted One. After a lapse during the fourth season, I now search for a devoted environment in which I can cultivate a deeper faith and awe of Saint Scully. The dedication shown by members of the Order humbles me, and I wish to become as enlightened.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister JenaM remarks:
I already have a closet full of pantsuits and a small yappy dog.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes) Sister GyrrlJupiter claims:
Some bright, ambitious high-school seniors receive scholarships from the local Rotary Club. I was sent a plain manilla envelope with no return address requesting a resume and stating that I had received an unstated amount of financial support -- from the CIA.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister FelixS contends:
Scully is the pomeranian's pyjamas, absolutely the best thing on television, and, basically, perfect. She'd probably look good in a red Speedo, too.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother James testifies:
Why I would make a good candidate for OBSSE: (1) Read Casserett & Doull's Toxicology for fun, more than once. (2) Can do, if pressed, both Southern and Northern Blot analysis (ala in The End), though without such a pristine lab coat as TBO. [Actually that lab coat has to be proof positive of St. Scully's divine ascension to Sainthood, for no mere mortal, unpossessed of a perfect lab technique, could have such a neat and clean lab coat. Not a golden halo does mark our Blessed Saint, but a softly radiant immaculate lab coat. (3) A Geiger counter on my night table stand. (4) Several Erlenmeyer flasks on my bookcase. (5) Six heavy duty courses in the Philosophy of Science. (6) and a firm belief that The Truth is ... going to appear one day in Science Citations.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Rogue declares:
An underlying motive for my college chemistry major was the influence of St. Scully. Now that I've decided to pursue something other than hard science, I sense that I have somehow committed a sin.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother Robbie confesses:
I know what to do because my mom is Sister Nancy FF.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Anne graciously notes:
I've been reading the OBSSE newsletter and been on the ml for months now, and although I mostly lurk, I've never read anything funnier from a group of people online anywhere.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother Sir Mulder declares:
Dana Scully shines a light amidst the darkness of conspiracy and treachery. She guides us all with that light, inspiring us all along the way. I have been a faithful follower since the beginning, and will walk with her until the bitter end. She is an inspiration to all who seek truth and justice with the help of science (and just a dash of extreme possibility). I am proud....very bear witness to her greatness.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Mary Darwin enthuses:
I think Dana Scully is the finest role model of modern times. She is an intelligent, well-dressed, long-suffering, truth seeking, gun totin', high heel wearin', rooty tooty fresh and fruity FBI agent of truth, justice and the American Way! I can only dream of some day achieving one microgram of her perfection.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Sister Mary-Richard witnesses:
I was drawn to "The X-Files" by David Duchovny's eyes, but after a very few episodes was saying "Mulder who?" and because, as I was once a child who loved Monty Python, I deeply appreciate the nuance of a good trout slap.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes) Sister Scarlet fumes:
It's really hard to get therapy for my specific religion (the Divine One knows, I've tried), so I need to be with others who cannot help this calling to live only for HER, and no one else.

glcr.gif (2375 bytes)Brother Squirk proclaims:
Her dedication to qualitative analysis and her ever-improving fashion sense make her one hot little scientific package (in a spiritual sense, of course).

by Sister Kara (aka Zod)

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That's all for this month, folks! Special thanks go, as always, to our Elder of the Newsletter Sister Paula R. for putting this issue together, Sister La..Dee..Da.. for all of her fine graphic work, and to all our writers and contributors. Remember: All the Prizes!!!  "News for the OBSSEsed"/OBSSE is copyright 1998 by Nancy Cotton.