the OBSSEsed - continued
Issue No. 29, November 1999
with Sister Reade
Dear Special Agent Dana Scully,
You don't know me but I've been a fan of yours for a number of years. I've been watching.. er following your career with interest as you continue your work with Agent Mulder. I'm very impressed that you haven't had more than words with the man and find it comforting that although you carry a service revolver, you've avoided using it on him. Well... most of the time.
I'm writing to you because I worry. I worry that you aren't getting out more. I worry that you don't have any discernible social life. While there are people out there who believe you and Agent Mulder belong together <shudder>; some of us find ourselves wishing you would just start dating someone. Ok. Who am I kidding. When I say dating its really just a thinly veiled euphemism for sex. Lots of sex. Lots and lots of sex.
This isn't to say that I don't want you to meet a nice guy and settle down. I'm sure it will happen in time. If you start looking for different qualities in men that is. My dear, you've surely noticed a pattern in the men you're attracted to. Ed Jerse? Cute but not exactly stable. Phillip Padgett? He's a stalker darling. Always (and I mean always) bad news. Jack Willis? I'm not even going to ask what that was about. Lucius Hartwell? Damn fine, but dating a vampire does have its own set of problems. And John Kresge. I could tell you liked him but you never got in contact with him again... oh wait... he didn't have any issues. He was just a cute single guy that you had a great deal in common with. Please note that I didn't even include Mulder in this list. If you're attracted to him, I do not want to know about it.
After carefully examining all of the available data about your social life in the last seven years, I have decided to offer you some dating advice and suggestions. I realize that yes, I've been married for the last 9 years, so I would know nothing of the more recent dating scene. But at least I'm getting some.
First of all, where do you go when you are off work? Have you considered taking up a hobby? I'm not talking about Ceramics. Men do not hang out in Ceramics class. How about Autobody repair? Woodworking? Welding for Dummies? Drawing the Male Figure? Sure there might not be lots of men in the class but there will be a nude guy modeling! Even if you don't want to go out with him, getting to see nude men for a good reason is never a bad thing. Oh, and avoid Monologue Writing. Bad crowd.
You can even meet men at the grocery store. You do buy groceries right? Imagine you reach to buy the last box of Low Fat Toffutti Dreamsicles the same time he does. Your eyes meet. You look in his cart and see bee pollen and yogurt. It could be love. I'd avoid the frozen dinner section. I suspect that's where men like Mulder hang out.
You could also take a look around your workplace. Offhand I don't know the actual statistics but I believe that the Bureau has considerably more men than women hanging around. And I know the men can't all be like Mulder or Colton. There are the nice guys like Agent Pendrell and the well muscled, handsome, surly, tall hunks of men like Agent Skinner. Yes, Agent Skinner. You kissed him once... what would it have hurt... fun was just an emergency stop away. And the Gunmen, darling. What about the Gunmen? I know that Frohike isn't much to look at but he has a heart of gold. Langly could get you into all of the cool clubs. Then there is Byers. Byers. A man who looks straight-laced but I bet when that tie comes off......
Should all of this advice fail you, I'm not sure what other help I can offer you. I doubt that your real supervisor will let you have much of a life this year either. And I'm not referring to your AD or even the Directors. I guess all I can do is offer you one final piece of advice. If you find yourself increasingly frustrated with your "situation" there's this place on line called Good Vibrations. They deliver to your door and they use plain brown wrappers. Tell them Reade sent you.
I tried to find a few new authors and post-Biogenesis stories this month to help gear us up for the season premiere. I think you'll find some delightful reading in this batch of stories. As always, if you have suggestions, send them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, you don't want to miss the latest piece from a favorite author here MD1016 called Journal 1999, a Scullycentric post-colonization piece that will give you the shivers.
This author is one of those talented few that seems to be able to pull off a first person Scully story by finding just the right voice for our Hero. From her first story, Absence of a Heartbeat, a jarring look at Scully struggling against all odds, she proves herself a must read author. Her latest, Infinitesimal Illumination, is a window into a painful conversation when Mulder and Scully discuss the events that most defined their lives. Katy has even conquered one of fanfic's most dangerous games, the Scullyfic list's improv test. Pass the Potato Chips is an entertaining glimpse of a late night stakeout and conversation sure to give you a chuckle. For the scenes it seemed were missing in Biogenesis, check out Taking Flight.
In this last stretch of time before the premiere, Temporary Shelter is a moody and romantic conclusion to Biogenesis. This tale in which Mulder and Scully return to Africa to dig up Scully's discovery explores in part what would happen if Mulder could read Scully's mind. In the good old fashioned smut department Mulder and Scully are trapped in a very tight place in Crawl Space. However, not much crawling is going on. All of Gwendolyn's work can be found at her website.
Have you been waiting all year for the big blow up? The post-One Son knock-down drag-out that should have happened? Well, wait no longer. Sit down, strap in, and enjoy Huit Clos for a little more closure than the show ever manages to deliver. After you've finished that for another take on how Biogenesis might resolve itself try Pythagorean Harmonics, a nicely constructed resolution to the big events with Scully working with the Lone Gunmen to help Mulder and a little bit of romance thrown in for good measure.
--Gillian Anderson honoring Jodie Foster
Many of you were able to contact your inner Psychic!Scully last month in order to predict the outcome of last season's cliffhanger. Judging from the results, one would suspect some of you were in a trance for an extended length of time. Here are a few of the predictions. We'll select the most accurate pollster in next month's issue, after we've seen the premiere. In the meantime, let us all pray in earnest that Miriam was having an off-her-crystal-ball psychic moment.
Sister Janelle the Delicate One:
Sister Emily X:
Sister SpicedRum ... again:
Brother Rogue Librarian AKA Paul Wartenberg:
This just in from Sister Special Pants, recovered from yet another Kitchen Crew-esque raid on the Ten Thirteen offices in Los Angeles. You may remember Spesh's first foray into that harsh realm, the results of which were recently posted to the OBSSE mailing list: the complete episode slate for season seven, complete with episode titles and synopses.
She's gone and done it again. Mistakenly thinking that heightened security at the production offices would make a second attempt impossible, our intrepid sister simply walked up to the front door and tried the handle, just as a joke.
"I didn't take any precautions. I mean, I didn't even expect to get inside," said Spesh, from her secret bunker deep in nearby Glendale, clearly shaken by the events of her harrowing escape from Ten Thirteen Productions. She was unwilling to provide details of that terrible night, but she suspects the whole thing was a trap.
"I saw the pages just laying there on a desk. I grabbed all I could and then I split. That was about two weeks ago. Sorry about the wait, but I've kinda got this Entertainment Tonight ninja party shagging my butt."
"Why," we asked. "What have you got?"
"Well, if I'm correct," she said, cinching her Kevlar vest tighter around her, "I've got the first two pages of episode 13, currently in pre-production."
As we took the pages from her trembling hands, Spesh whimpered, "I want the Truth, and I want you to promise that those doodoo heads answer to the Sibliren."
You saw it here first.
Understanding Sacred Readings
For those of you who participate in the Sacred Readings on Friday Night Chat, you've undoubtedly noticed the arcane directions that screenwriters use to identify certain camera angles and such. These are often confusing to neophytes unfamiliar with the language. While we wait for Season Seven Perving to begin in earnest, I thought it might be educational to provide a Perv glossary of important screenwriting terminology. This is an important but often overlooked part of Perving, as new Perv students are apt to focus only on dialogue. Remember, it is critical to look at everything as Potentially Pervable (PP), and stage directions are no different.
ACTION: Of which Scully ain't getting any.
AERIAL SHOT: Any moment of ultimate bliss experienced off the ground, i.e., from chandeliers, airplane struts, alien tractor beams, etc.
BEAT: Pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?
CLOSE ON: Euphemistic for "missionary position."
CLOSER ANGLE: Any other position.
CUT TO: About -- there. The Biogenesis Beach Suit comes to mind.
DISSOLVE TO: There are three versions of this:
ESTABLISHING SHOT: This agent is mine. Bitch.
JUMP CUT TO: Anything involving a surprise attack from behind and the mutual ripping off of clothes.
POV: Point of View. Anywhere that floats your boat is fine.
PUSH IN: Oh yeah.
O.S. : "On Scully." Or "On Skinner." Your choice.
RACK TO: Any camera angle favoring hooters.
REVERSE ANGLE: Canadians like this one. Then they can both watch the hockey game.
SMASH CUT TO: Like JUMP CUT TO, only things get broken.
SPLIT SCREEN SHOT: Shenanigans in and around mosquito netting.
TIGHT ON: Your heart's desire in Spandex. Or push-up bras. Wet or not.
V.O.: Vulgar Overtures. CC is telling us a story in his ham-fisted way.
WIPE: Always nice after a Perv session.
ZOOM: Is that it? Cripes, I just got my clothes off!
Hopefully, this will get you through the next reading with less confusion and heightened Pervitude. Next month, I'll identify some choice Perv highlights from the first batch of Season Seven episodes. -- Sister "I Swerve to Perv" Squat
examples from the sacred texts for your perving pleasure and practice.
36 INT. SYNDICATE OFFICE - NIGHT - LATER
PANNING DOWN A RISING SHAFT OF BLUE SMOKE to the CSM, who sits by himself in the room. He's deep in thought, when Krycek enters. Taking a chair across from him. The CSM says nothing.
CLOSE ON A LAB MONKEY
Its eyes fast and alert, taking some food from... the Academic, who turns when he hears an unexpected voice behind him.
ANGLE TO INCLUDE MULDER
Standing beside the Academic. Who takes a beat, then:
30 INT. KLINE'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - LATE NIGHT
We DOLLY past a big pile of unopened moving boxes to reveal Scully seated on the edge of a queen bed. She's dressed, talking on her cell phone.
28 INT. SHROEDER'S HOUSE - DEN - LATER - A CIGAR
Looms obscenely into the side of frame. The tall FLAME of a lighter toasts the business end. We PULL BACK to reveal Mulder puffing it to life while Shroeder lights it for him.
ANGLE ON SCULLY
Standing with her back to us, talking to Langly, Byers. She has her hands up, estimating the size of a two pound trout. Though because her body obscures the exact position of her hands, we cannot see the exact measure of this trout. Byers and Langly are wide-eyed, but go back to playing it cool when their eyes find:
ANGLE TO INCLUDE AGENT MULDER
Entering with Frohike. Wondering what it's all about.
The early schedule of the X-Files is now falling into place. Here is the line up through the end of the year of new episodes as it now stands (subject, of course, to change at the whim of FOX.):
Nov 7 - The Sixth Extinction
Other episodes filmed and not yet scheduled are Orison (7X07) and Day Break (7X08). Also in the works is another episode by William Gibson, the writer of the popular Killswitch.
Keep your eyes peeled for the usual spate of season premiere talk show rounds. So far Gillian has been scheduled to show up on the syndicated Martin Short Show on November 4th, and we're pretty sure this won't be the only place you'll find her in November.
Gillian recently attended the Los Angeles premiere of Princess Mononoke which goes into wide release this month. Her voice work in the animated feature has been receiving strong notices from critics. She had this to say about the strong spiritual aspect of the film: "Miyazaki films take the environment, nature and respect for nature as entities in and of themselves. I think it's important that audiences view that and see nature being so appreciated."
With FOX canceling Harsh Realm after just three episodes, the good news is that Chris Carter and his writing staff can concentrate full time on The X-Files rather than splitting their time between shows for the remainder of the schedule. The bad news is that this might help convince Carter to try to talk David and Gillian into doing an 8th season of the show when they are both clearly ready to move on.
Gillian Anderson has been doing her part to convince them this is indeed the last season. Despite the fact she is the only major player with a contract that extends beyond this season, she has been making the rounds of the entertainment shows going on the record that she will not be back next year. Let's hope FOX gets the message and lets the show go out with grace. Oh, and FOX? Why don't you let the person who was doing the Harsh Realm website update the woefully out of date official X-Files site.
The Sixth Extinction:
At least she's not prancing
Brother Carl R. Testifies
I have seen but a few episodes. I discovered the show only last month! But already, after a few re-runs, I know that Scully is special. And since finding OBSSE I have learned words for my feelings. Of course Scully is special! She is blessed, with remarkable depth and character. And the EI is truly adroit at the representation of Her PowerSuitedness. I think the talent involved is huge.
Why am I ready to worship the trials, tribulations,
and the very soul of Luminosity? Perhaps because she is beauty, power,
and grace intertwined, in a way I wish I could know personally. Perhaps
The prana of pint-sized Scully fills my heart, those of millions, and the entire show too, for She of Enormous Expressive Reasoning (SEER) is the mysterious mistress of my heart and of science, without whom I would probably not notice the series. Thus, grateful am I for the luck that She Who Captivates Without Intending It has blessed this world and graced my imagination.
Apsley comments on E!
I worship at the shrine of TBO, who was unduly slighted at E! Online's Top 10 kick ass divas. She was not included. This is what I had to tell them: "Dr. Scully deserved a fair shot as a woman who rarely takes no for an answer, talks the talk in obscenely intelligent fashion, and despite her petite size can level the tallest and toughest criminals with one well placed bitch slap. She can be Action!Scully in one moment and propel directly into her less physical (but no less potent) verbal slam bam thank you ma'am sit your ass down "I'm a gun and ready to go off" Scully.
Sister Julie on "Field Trip"
Chris Carter has obviously been watching
an entirely different show over
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