FEST '2000
Isle, Minnesota - June 22-25

To try to sum up, in a few brief sentences, the essence and reality of another fabulous summer reunion of this wonderful on-line community we have is simply impossible.  I'll leave it up to the others with their tales and stories, but in the meantime I've got one burning question:  who the hell did this?

P.S.  Enjoy this very special Fest Edition, and see you in November!


Paula R
Autumn Tysko

D E S I G N   &   G R A P H I C S

C O N T R I B U T O R S   t o  No. 35
Dr. Sarah
Lens of Science
Cathy B

Thanks to
Haven and GAWS for image assistance

by Sister Autumn

So, all that stuff we wrote last issue about this being the end and all that. Um. Forget you heard it. We were wrong, but please St. Scully only one year off. (Pardon me as I try to block all knowledge of Gillian's contract going a 9th season). So, we are back and badder than ever with this super special Fest extravaganza edition. Actually, believe it or not, a lot more than the 3rd Annual OBSSE Fest happened this summer so we'll update you on a few other things as well. As far as when the next newsletter will be out we're just saying before the premiere at this point.

You may have also noticed we've unveiled a new format this edition. Sister La.. decided that if we were going to have to continue News for the OBSSEsed another year then by God we were going to look good. And as you all know fashion is always a concern here at OBSSE headquarters. So if you see her around the Abbey thank her for the fresh new stylin' look of this publication.


New addition to the Abbey Library:

Our own Brother WetLegKick had some fun this summer creating what he calls License Plates of the OBSSE. Think you know your Abbey members?
Try taking this quiz :


Speaking of Newsletters ...

Ever heard that old adage when the cats away the mice will play? Well, in an equal parts scary and hilarious attempt  to combat their remorse at not being able to attend this year's FEST in Minnesota, several of the members left behind hijacked the Abbey Press Room and published a "rogue, takeover edition" of News for the OBSSEsed. If you want to see just how much havoc a few folks with WAY too much time on their hands and a copy of PhotoShop can wreak check out the "it's-so-freakin'-good-it's-timeless edition".

Totally Unofficial OBSSE Newsletter
FEST 2001? You Betcha

In addition to us thinking the X-Files was going to end, we also anticipated this year's FEST would be the last Official FEST of the OBSSE. Well, what can I say. I gave in and was glad to do it. FEST 2000 was such a fabulous event (as you will see from reading this newsletter) that I knew we had to do it at least one more time. So we will be doing it all over again next summer once again in Winter Park, Colorado. Registration will be limited due to space constraints, but we hope to be able to accommodate 120 OBSSE members (up from the 105 that attended this year's event). Mark your calendars for July 26-29, 2001.

Scully Marathons a Huge Success!

So we did that marathon thing again this year, and it turned out to be an amazing success. Helmed by our own Sister La.. and marathon organizers throughout the world, the OBSSE Scully Marathons were able to raise a whopping $22,759.89 for worldwide NF organizations. We were able to reach this number through T-shirt sales (which could actually push the number up higher as funds are still straggling in - contact NancyFF at scully_t@yahoo.com if you'd like to get your hands on one of the last remaining), individual donations, and the 28 marathons that were held in 4 different countries. While the bulk of the money was contributed to NF, Inc., several international organizations (The NF Association in the UK, The Neurofibromatosis Association of Australia, The NF Association of Western Australia, The Association de la Neurofibromatose du Québec (ANFQ) and the British Columbia Neurofibromatosis Foundation) benefited from our efforts as well.

The Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic was pleased to show our thanks and appreciation to Gillian Anderson by holding these events for Neurofibromatosis charities in her honor. We are thrilled with the amount we have raised this year (about $10,000 more than last year's events) and hope to post even larger numbers during next year's events. So start planning for next year!

OBSSE Invited to Washington DC for NF Benefit

This July both Sister La.. and myself were invited by NF, Inc. to represent the OBSSE at a Congressional luncheon to thank the Order for the work that we have done in raising money for their organization. Sister La.. was sadly unable to attend, but Paula was able to join me in DC and attend the reception that was held later that evening. It was an extremely rewarding experience for me to get the chance to meet so many people from the NF organization around the United States and hear first hand how our fundraising efforts are touching people's lives and how extremely grateful they are.

I sat at a table along with Cyn Schmidt and Wai Wong who were there representing GAWS (who did a fabulous job raising over $145,000 on their annual auction this year). Gillian was of course there and looking wonderful along with about five Senators who popped in during the proceedings, but the most rewarding part was that during this luncheon and the reception later I think every single chapter head from the local groups and every person associated with NF, Inc. came over to me to talk to me and to thank the OBSSE for what we have done. Person after person told me that for years the only folks working for or raising money for NF were the families of people that had NF. That what we are doing has made a tremendous impact on getting the word out and gathering support. I have never been so proud of the OBSSE as I was that day.

When I had the chance to speak with Gillian one on one and tried to thank her on behalf of the OBSSE for all her wonderful work she asked me with extreme gratitude and sincerity to give a message to the OBSSE and all those who were involved in our Scully Marathons: "No, you need to tell THEM thank you from ME for all they have done." She made it very clear to me how much our work has meant to her, and that she's been enjoying our "official" OBSSE communications with her over the years. I mean, who doesn't love a FEST goodie bag or marathon T-Shirt?

What I want you all to take away from this is that everyone deeply appreciates what we are doing. So thank you all for being part of this community!

Oh, and one last thing. I did get the time to express to her how much we in the Abbey enjoyed "all things" and I just had to offer one last personal aside to Gillian before I left. I said "You know, we Scully fans like to think you wrote that one for us." to which Gillian looked at me, laughed and smiled then said "well, I did." That's good enough for me.

(photo courtesy Wai Wong) Autumn, Gillian Anderson, Cyn Schmidt

OBSSE Members Support Local NF Chapters

One of the wonderful things that came about from the marathons this year was the opportunity for OBSSE members to get to meet more of the folks around the country from NF, Inc. Currently OBSSE volunteers are lending a hand in both the Minnesota and Chicago chapters. Thank you everyone who is part of this effort!

Our Minnesota contingent is busy assisting with the NF Association of Minnesota Second Annual Best Ball Scramble set to take place on September 10th at the Pebble Creek Golf Course in Becker, MN. I got the chance to witness Gillian Anderson signing a whole bunch of items firsthand for that event so check it out if you can!

"It's the only reason to be a celebrity, as far as I'm concerned."
--Gillian Anderson, on her charity involvement with NF, Inc.

Our Soooo.... it's my job to encapsulate the FEST experience and hit all the highlights that we weren't able to cover elsewhere in this newsletter. All that and "keep it short" as my co-editor Paula is fond of saying. Yeah right.

The first thing you need to know about FEST is that it really starts the day before. Well, not officially, but over the years the Wednesday before had morphed into a little thing we have all grown to call "Pre-FEST". The main point of Pre-FEST is hugging everyone when you arrive, firing up the blenders, then scaring the hell out of some local establishment when 40 some people show up unannounced at the same time for dinner. It's sort of a sport for us now. This time we landed at Ozzie's Dining & Live Bait. Luckily, we even got a surly waitress who looked at me in disdain when I asked for a beer. It wasn't that sort of establishment doncha know. Leeches? Yes. Night Crawlers? Sure! Hot dish? You betcha. Beer? Well they don't cater to that sort.

The other advantage to Pre-FEST is that it gives you another full day of plotting. It's what we do.

Then there is Thursday which is always about decorating the room and registration. You see with us registration is an event itself. Just ask this year's FEST virgins.

Our right panel includes the Abbey squirrel affectionately known as "Cheeto" modeling with some of the items included a FEST maglite (which came in handy art the bonfire), Official Scullyrita Glass (which came in handy the whole damn time), and Dr. BossyPants Emergency First Aid Kit (which came in handy if you used your Scullyrita glass too many times). We also had the Official FEST scrub shirts, some fine Beeswax Lip Balm, Die!Bug!Die, roadmaps, poppin' corn, Minnesota Guides, latex gloves, and, of course, tic tacs. Plus, as a bonus Tina was handing out bee pins to whoever asked for one and they just dressed up any outfit.

Sadly, our biggest crisis came the first night when the caterer apparently thought there was no difference between prime rib and BBQ ribs. That and they added meat to the vegetarian lasagna. Luckily ribs are a FEST tradition. Perhaps not every night, but that's what we told people to get them to shut up and eat. We also were able to find some nuts and berries (or spaghetti I forget which) for the "real" vegetarians to gnaw on.

The highlight of dinner was the special parcel delivered to us from not one, but two foreign locales filled with odds and ends and assorted severed thingees from the land down under and the UK. I still have that club with the spikes. And Chickie is oddly fond of the wombat she snagged. Perhaps a little too fond, but who am I to judge.

In the tradition of past FESTs the first night is always movie night and once again Tammy now 20 seconds (she's matured) Perpetua did not disappoint. Not only did she make another gangbusters season wrap up tape, but her ode to the OBSSE was truly hilarious. Except for the part where the Elders were monkeys. Even if it was a minor plot point. After we enjoyed that and the Jodie Foster Appreciation version of The Episode That Dare Not Speak It's Name, we adjourned to the great outdoors slathered with Die!Bug!Die! for a bonfire and Scully songs complete with S'Mores. Nanchita even told her nun joke. Complete with accents.

It was at said bonfire that we awarded the first of a "special" prize. Since Prancer of the Day was so last year this year we came up with the "prize" of OUSFH Hooter of the Day for the person exhibiting what the Elder's whimsically decided was improper behavior. This year's three Hooters (their prize was an oversized bra and cap) were Janelle (because she should have known better), nanners (bossiness), and mandy (insulting an Elder).

Friday night was OBSSE awards night at Eddy's Bait, Beer (thank God), and Food emporium where we were really able to confuse the people as to who the hell all these gals in scrub shirts were. Along with the ever popular Action Figure Fashion Contest, MORE RIBS!!!, and Kirby head patting, the FEST committee, marathon folks, and OBSSE Elders were given awards. Plus I got to talk into a microphone. So it was all good. We saluted our dear Sister Steph-Tacs who was unable to attend with a 102 tic-tac salute and then gnawed some more on our ribs.

One of Saturday's many highlights was the infamous Presentation of the Cheeses which is covered later in this newsletter and a perfect example of the OBSSE tried and true motto of "if it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing." Plus, it got us coverage in the local paper. (Try as we might we could not scare the locals - they just started trying to sell us their X-Files merchandise. Well, I think Sister La.. might have scared some of those nice Minnesota ladies when she walked into the lodge at McQuoid's wearing a shirt that said "La Dee F*cking Da". At least that's what I heard.)

You know it is Saturday at FEST when everyone is sequestered away "practicing" for the "talent" show. All I can say about that event was it was one of the funniest 3 hours of my life. And it was also when I got all buttered up enough and schmoopy enough to announce a FEST for next year.

So, while saying good bye on Sunday is never fun, I did it with the knowledge that once again the best and brightest of X-Files fandom will dig out their "Got Oxygen?" shirts and gather together in even larger numbers to prove it's not really about Scully anymore. It's about how funny we think we are.

Last, but not least, I would like to offer the following thank yous:

To Chish for being my lead contact in Minnesota and helping to focus the evil that is the Minnesota girls. I'm glad you are still employed.

To Beth for being my very best shopping minion and for buying so much lettuce that we could make fun of her for it.

To Sasse for taking some of the shopping excess heat of Beth by buying enough crackers to feed all of Isle for a month.

To Leah for managing to channel her evil for the good of the Order.

To Chickie for sacrificing her Mom's crock pot and making sure that the fest books got printed.

To Nanchita for keeping track of all the registration information for me lest I go mad.

To the Princess for doing the design work on the FEST goodies and writing that hilarious CPR guide.

To Zod for doing the cover design for our FEST book and making Scully look so fetching at summer camp.

To Kirby for being the FEST Homecoming Queen and for making S'Mores sticks for at least half of us and bitching about doing it.

To Minor for designing this year's scrub shirt. Who are we fooling with that "mean adults" thing? 

To Karen who even though she could not come to FEST made and shipped us plaques to give out. (Karen, Lensie REALLY thanks you).

To Paula, La.., and Lensie for always helping things to run smoothly. Thems good Elders.

To Chris who loaned us her projection equipment.

To Tammy who always makes us laugh with her annual video extravaganza. A special thanks for your Abbey tribute.

To Meredith who is always willing to bring along her guitar and be the FEST minstrel.

To Bryn for the thing with the feathers. You know.

To Beer for hauling the best cheese across America for our consumption and for allowing us to create an event out of it.

To the FF Family for making sure the BBQ went off without a hitch and was down right snackalicious.

To Nanners for being the Official Fest Photographer and gathering a visual reference for all to enjoy here.

To every one of you who pitched in to make this event the very best ever I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's because this all went so well that we're having FEST again next year. So pat yourselves on the back gang. I'll see you in Winter Park.

The Dr. Bossypants
Guide to CPR 
(Courtesy of the Homework Princess)

Don't panic! 
Assert your authority to onlookers, family members, trained emergency personnel and medical professionals by shouting in no uncertain terms, "I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR!" Pray that nobody asks to see your credentials.

Decide whether the victim would be better served by 
administering immediate medical attention or by 
whipping out your cellphone, stepping over the victim, and calling an ambulance.

If the victim needs your immediate medical 
attention, make sure you protect yourself. 
Snap on the latex.

It's time to begin chest compressions. Clasp your hands, one on top of the other, and press down in the 
general area of the ribcage. (NOTE: Contents may shift during the procedure. If this happens, make sure a boob adjuster is nearby.) 

Pause for a brief outburst of emotion from your partner. 

Repeat compression.

Repeat emotional outburst.

Make sure everyone is paying attention by shouting a lot of big medical words, liberally peppered with the word hell, and finish by screaming "STAT!"

You're fighting a losing battle, so it's time to get dirty. Get ready for mouth-to-mouth 
resuscitation. Pinch the victim's nostrils shut and 
breathe into his/her mouth. (NOTE: It's best to do this after a Tic-tac. It's also good to keep in mind that this does not equate 'getting lucky,' especially if you're administering to your creepy former teacher/boyfriend.)

Well, you tried your hardest. Gave it a full two minutes. Pronounce the victim dead and buck up! You get to do the autopsy next.