4th Annual OBSSE Awards by Autumn

As many of you know, the OBSSE awards were held this summer in a subdued ceremony at a secret barn location. Unlike previous years, fans of the Order were not allowed to attend for security reasons and the usual formal attire was retired for something known as "meadow casual". I personally frisked many of the attendees to make sure no nail clippers or tweezers were snuck through security at the event.

In addition to the Action Figure Fashion Contest and Golf Awards, a number of OBSSE members were honored.

I presented a bee themed gift pack to OBSSE Elders who help make this order hum: La.., Lensie, and Paula.

Rania, Chickie & Mike have a different idea of what constitutes "Meadow Casual"
Paula presented newsletter appreciation awards to our crack
staff of :

Lensie who explains it all

Aderyn of the twisted graphics

CathyB our resident ranter

Zod who gives us cartoons we crave

Lauren our newsletter princess

Skull who is severed from reality

An Amazon Runs... but not nearly as fast when wearing this getup

Sister La.. acknowledged the following folks for their contributions to the marathons:

Nanners for her work as the "Bossy T-Shirt Lady" and helping to pump up that total with her tireless work.

Betsy was "Video Goddess," if you attended a marathon you know why without question.

Susan was "Most Valuable Player" for helping us so much with corporate sponsorship.

Derrick was "Most Valuable Newbie" for stepping up to the plate and handling a marathon all by himself and helping out on a national level when new to the Order.

Vera from Brazil was our "Special Ambassador" for her work organizing a suite of marathons in that country.

Erin won the "spirit" award for once again mobilizing a high school for a great cause.

The NYC Marathon got the "#1 in Donations" prize.

Gen, Michele aka Griot and Monica each got "Triple Crown" awards for being our heavy hitters and each hosting marathons every year we've done them. Thank you!
Mandy, sporting an outfit that couldn't be called casual by any standards

We also handed out some special OBSSE appreciation awards:

Susan was recognized as "Lead Minion" for being the person I know I can always count on and doing such a great job in assisting with the marathons and FEST. We would not have had this event without her.

TammyP was recognized for the joy she brings us every year in her annual FEST video. Her creativity is much appreciated. She always makes us laugh.

Meredith was acknowledged for always bringing a song to our hearts as our very own band and "FEST Minstrel". We are thankful that she shares her talent with us.

*Paula, The "Classy Elder", once again shows off her unerring sense of style

Additionally we thanked this year's Colorado FEST Committee: Mike, Susan, Melly, Suzanna, Kim, Margaret, Nancy, Kyra, Rania and Michelle for their hard work in organizing an event for everyone.

Many thanks to everyone who was honored that evening. Now go do your E! interviews.

*Paula was especially kind to autograph the above picture and would be thrilled with anyone wishing to download it and display it proudly on their website.


by La..

WIth the "simple" idea of Prance-apalooza two years ago, the tradition of Abbey members strutting their stuff has become a Fest tradition. This year we decided to go for a more intimate, "tasteful" evening and so Cabaret Night was born, once again proving how lucky we are to have such a clever and funny bunch of talented folks in our midst.


Tammy "10 Seconds" Perpetua & AdrianneFF

 click on the thumbnails below to see a larger image

The Sound of X
Sister Naomi tries to cheer
everyone up when they get upset
by recent events on The X-Files
but it quickly digresses into
"The Stupidist Things"
sung to the tune of
"My Favorite Things".
And yes, that's Pteropod
in a POODLE skirt <grin>

  Sister Michele Recounts
the Story of the Nativity
Once again,
Michele earns the title "Griot"
with her hilarious story of what really
happened with the X-Files nativity.

Jean and the
Sassy Singing Minnows
Four sisters of the
New York branch of the OBSSE
entertain us with doo-wop

  The Adventures of
Moose, Squirrel & Poodle
in the Land of Season 8
Sister Vivien,
ably assisted by Nanchita,
presents a puppet show with
Scully, Doggett, and
"the occassional, obligatory,
contractual appearance by "Muldah"

A Cheer-full Tribute to Scully
Bead leads a group cheer in tribute to
She Who Still Deserves to be
Worshipped Even Though
Her CHarc Has Faltered.
Note a scarily perky
Minor Shannon in ponytails.

Pregnant women, persons with heart trouble and epileptics
should view images of the next act at their own discretion!

  The Severed: Live & Unleashed
Part performance art,
part horror show,
there really are no words
to adequately describe witnessing
a day in the life of The Severed.
Those of us who saw it will
certainly never forget it....
even though we've tried.

Virtual Nun
Gen sweetly sings about
the joys of being a virtual nun
(sung to the tune of Natural Woman)

  An Homage to Paula
Scott tries to suck up by leading a
dancing, stop drop and rolling,
homage to Paula.

The Reduced X-Files
With a cast of thousands
(ok... at least a dozen),
The Reduced X-Files gang
reanacted the entire 8 years
of the show in just under 3 minutes.
The frightening thing is that
the mytharc made more
sense in this version than
it does on the series.
And my oh my,
doesn't Chish make a
cherubic baby William?

  Season 9 Lives
The Boys of the OBSSE mock...
er... pay tribute to the Boys of 1013
and come up with the intriguing idea of
what it would be like if Jay and Silent Bob
were brought on to the writing staff.
See the blue column on the right for
a partial transcript of the script.

BG & the Sphincter Girls
The final act of the evening
(because no one wanted to follow it)
was Mister Sister Shadow as
BG aka the Butt Genie,
and the "Sphincter Girls" dancing to
... yes, you guessed it
....Baby Got Back!

excerpt from
by Ahab

Open on a conference between the creative team of 1013. Seated at a table are CHRIS CARTER, FRANK SPOTNITZ, and JOHN SHIBAN. CHRIS holds a printed copy of an email and complains loudly to the other writers.

CHRIS (reading): I just get the impression more recently that the writing isn't so much about subtlety as it is about big, glaring plot holes." What IS this crap?

FRANK: Chris you haven't been reading that weird internet Scullyist cult mailing list again have you? Those people are strange.

JOHN: Yeah. Frank, didn't you tell me it's all about squirrels wearing nun's habits and pie - its spooky.

(FRANK nods)

CHRIS: Well I don't care, John - the criticism is pissing me off. I mean I'm a human being.. I have feelings you know. Well it got me thinking at least. I think we need some new blood around here. I found these two guys who I think will really add something to the show, so I asked them to come down and see if we can get some fresh ideas. (calling off stage) Guys? Can you come in here?

In walk JAY and SILENT BOB. JAY is wearing his trademark wool cap doing his "pimp walk". BOB follows closely on his heels - Chain Smoking and quiet as usual.

CHRIS: Boys, this is Jay.. and his friend Bob?

JAY: What's up? Any of you guys got some weed? We just came back from Aaron Sorkin's office and dude smoked up all my stash -like having lunch with Bob Marley.

CHRIS: Uh no, Jay sorry. Listen, we just wanted to see what kind of ideas you guys had. How we could get back some of our momentum.

JAY: Man, you need to like get back to the way things used to be you know - like when Mulder was Luke and the smoking guy was Vader.. that stuff kicks ass man.

FRANK: Actually, Jay, it had nothing to do with Star Wars.

JAY: Bob digs that smoking man too. He was wondering what kind of weed he's always smoking? He couldn't believe they'd pay a guy to just stand around and not say anything and just smoke up all day. That's Bob's ideal career path you know.

BOB nods in STRONG agreement.

CHRIS: Uh Jay, he's not smoking anything illegal. It's just cigarettes.. that's why he's called Cigarette Smoking Man. No one around here does drugs ok?

BOB starts to leave. JAY stops him.

JAY: Well we've got some ideas, man. And Bob here is a wiz at technical dialog. He won the science fair in eighth grade... turned his mom's vibrator into a cd player using chicken wire and shit. Bastard's like macgyver - no, bastard's better than macgyver.

CHRIS: Listen, where we think you can help is to sort of listen to some of our scripts and maybe help us be a little more hip. What do you think of this.

JOHN (reading): "Two men, young, idealistic, the fine product of a generation harden by world war. Two fathers, whose paths would converge in a new battle - An invisible war between a silent enemy and a sleeping giant, on a scale to dwarf all historical conflicts. A 50 years war, its killing fields lying in wait for the inevitable global holocaust. Theirs was the dawn of Armageddon. And while the world was unaware, unwitting spectators to the hurly burly of the decades long struggle between heaven and Earth, there were those who prepared for the end. Who measured the size and power of the enemy and faced the choices: Stand and fight, or bow to the will of a fearsome enemy, or to surrender, to yield and collaborate. To save themselves and to stay their enemies hand. Men who believed that victory was the absence of defeat and survival the ultimate ideology, no matter the sacrifice."

JAY and SILENT BOB stare for a second. Then break out into laughter.

JAY (laughing): Man I almost bought that no drugs crap?dude that was funny. What did you take when you wrote that, man? Got some left?

FRANK (getting angry): Look guys, we didn't hire you for criticism. We hired you to tell us where we've gone wrong.

JAY stares blankly

JOHN: Don't you guys have anything? We've lost our star, David, and we've been trying to build the show around our new character John Doggett. We think he can be the center of our show. Connecting us with that segment of the audience we need. Men - manly men. Isn't there anything you can think of to help us.

BOB finally speaks

BOB: Well first you should cut out all that man pain crap. Maybe instead you could focus on Agent Scully. She's been with the show since the beginning after all. Show how her intelligence and her skill aren't based on her sex, but on her character. The fact that in this day and age a woman can handle things on her own. That she doesn't need to be saved or rescued every week.

Everyone stares at BOB

JAY: Or you could just bring back that Fowley chick with the big hooters.

Thanks to Ahab for allowing us to print an edited, abbreviated version of the script.