When I accepted this assignment from Paula, I was extremely excited. In essence, she'd given me the opportunity to ramble about whatever took my fancy, without having to label it OT, provide those in the vicinity with earplugs, or place a precautionary paper bag over my head. Apparently I'd included such a scenario in an essay entitled "What I Think Heven Is Like" at the age of six. However, I am sadly unable to verify this because the essay was swiftly confiscated by my teacher. She probably has it hanging on a wall somewhere as a great example of Great Things That Come Out of the Mouths of Babes. Right next to it, I imagine, is an account of the time I vomited on her shoes.
Anyway, I soon discovered a small problem with my sublime situation: once given the opportunity to ramble, I could think of nothing to ramble about. Ironic, no? Irritating, at any rate. I was frightened. What would Paula and Aderyn think of me if I continued pestering them for ideas? My reputation would be ruined...well, tarnished...well, besmirched...oh, all right, I don't have a reputation. But I didn't want to get one and have it be bad. I was truly in the throes of deep depression and agony and panic and a whole lot of other bad stuff. What to do? What, indeed, to do?
Fortunately, I was saved the necessity of thinking my poor brain to the point of retirement. A mysterious email from...from a...from an anonymous source, yeah that's it...appeared in my inbox just as I was beginning to contemplate informing Paula that I was dead, and was thus unable to complete a column until next month. [Editor's note: it's been done before -- this month, however, Lensie simply decided to get married.] It appears that Scully uses her journal for more than just cancer-ridden punkal communications. She makes New Year's Resolutions, and for some strange reason seems to compose them in October. Thanks to my other e-mail add...I mean, my anonymous source (gimme a break, I was desperate!), I now have a copy of these resolutions, dating all the way back to the beginning of Season One...um, I mean 1993. Since we're all Scullyists here, I thought I'd share them with you.
1993: I will meet a man.
1994: I will meet a man who is not Fox Mulder. I will not class examining another's neck for the presence of parasitic worms as foreplay. I will try to remember that my name is Dana. I will remind myself daily that the existence of extraterrestrial life is implausible, extending this to twice daily upon viewing of said extraterrestrial life. I will perform regular checks of the security of my apartment's ventilation system. I will try to quit having visions as they are illogical phenomena.
1995: I will not get abducted by aliens and/or government officials and/or death fetishists. I will not allow nurses to stuff my nightgown with large and strangely stationary tennis balls. I will call the cemetery and request that they remove my headstone.
1996: I will try to avoid losing any additional family members.
1997: I will try and remember to remove my pantyhose prior to engaging in sexual intercourse. I will shove Mulder's nameplate up his ass. I will not die of cancer. I will check for tail scars before kissing someone. I will immediately place agents who take a shine to me under police protection. I will figure out why my nose always bleeds on cue.
1998: I will stop knitting baby clothes. I will prepare myself for imminent mourning and buy large amounts of black apparel, including underwear. I will get that trip to Antarctica added to my frequent flyer miles. I will find out what the deal is with those bite marks on my arm. I will investigate the possibility of camping gear falling from the sky. I will get Caller ID on my phone so that communications from The Hereafter can be appropriately monitored. I will ask Mulder about that vial in his freezer next to the pizza. I will put more dolls in the microwave - it's fun. I will warn airport staff about the alien microchip in my neck before going through the metal detector.
1999: I will purchase a new brand of mousse and some scissors. I will not drink coffee with those who are attempting to rip out my heart. I will call my mother. As tempting as it may be, I will not leave Mulder in hallways to be eaten by sea monsters. I will not get jealous of women who are, physiologically speaking, bitches. I will inquire about tax deductions for all the clothing I have sacrificed in the line of duty.
2000: I will clean my turkey baster.
What troubles me about Scully's resolutions is that they make it very hard for the rest of us to emulate her. I mean, my resolutions usually go something like, "I will get more exercise, I will eat less chocolate, I will spend less time on the internet," and things such as these are probably not on the top of Scully's list of goals. Similarly, her goals are not objectives that fit neatly into my lifestyle. "I will not die of cancer", sure, I could do that, but the element of challenge is minimal. "I will not drink coffee with those who are attempting to rip out my heart" seems like a good sensible plan for any girl. But "I will call the cemetery and request that they remove my headstone" is not something I have much need to aim for. It really is quite a quandary. I guess I'll just have to stick with tweaking my hair shade and buying shoes that make walking more difficult than it was ever designed to be. 'Tis a cruel world.
by Diane & La..
September 23-24, 2000
"What is it?", she asked. "It's a button we made especially for you," I smiled. She looked at the one of a kind button that said "Gillian Anderson takes New York, NY FF 2000" that had a picture of the Statue of Liberty with a huge black bra draped on it. Her mouth flew open, she laughed, caught my eye and said thank you. I promptly turned around, fell into the arms of Liz who I knew was standing behind me and said, "Liz, she's got your button!" Liz and I THUDDED together while doing a strange version of a happy rain dance. Gillian took off her pleather jacket, posed for press photos, then we all raced inside to get our seats for the show.
We had been told by Gillian that she would come out afterwards, so some of us went outside after the Q&A session, where we found Mish from Chicago who had come to the theatre straight from her workday. When Gillian didn't show up outside we went back inside and found her still onstage, bending over to get to the fans who were gathered below. As someone put it, she looked like a mother hen with chicks. She was extremely giving, signing pictures, teeshirts and jackets while they were being worn, HoM books, the latest copy of Entertainment Weekly with her and Robert Patrick on the cover, and even a Scully dollar bill! She posed for shots with fans and even gave Mish a big hug. Mish asked if she could also take a picture and Gillian said "sure.. get closer now, cheek to cheek".
**Thank you to Lois Raeke for allowing us to use her pics for this article
Gillian Wins BIFA and Other House of Mirth News
First the really good news. Gillian Anderson beat out the talented foursome of Kate Ashfield (The Low Down), Brenda Blethyn (Saving Grace), Julie Walters (Billy Elliot) and Emily Watson (The Luzhin Defence) to snag the British Independent Film Award for Best Actress for her House of Mirth performance. So, for the rest of us that have not been able to see House of Mirth on the film festival circuit, the burning question is just when is this thing going to be released here in the U.S.? Right now, Sony Pictures Classics has it set for a New York and Los Angeles release on December 22nd and going to wider distribution after the first of the year. Be sure to visit the GAWS House of Mirth page for the latest information.
Despite missing nominations for the big awards the X-Files did manage to walk away with three Emmys this year. Watch me bite my tongue that two of the awards came for First Person Shooter. At least Fight Club didn't win anything. Congrats to the hard working behind the scenes folks for the following awards:
OUTSTANDING MAKEUP FOR A SERIES
Theef : Cheri Montesanto Medcalf, Head Makeup Artist; Kevin Westmore, LaVerne Basham, Gregory Funk, Cindy Williams, Makeup Artists
OUTSTANDING SOUND MIXING (Series)
OUTSTANDING SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS
More DVD news
Not only is the second season on DVD being released this month (November 28th), but word on the street is that the third season is also being worked on for a release date some time during the first quarter of next year. Keep 'em coming. The world will finally be right when I have obtained Never Again on DVD.
The X-Files official site seems to be relaunching itself yet again on November 1st. I must admit that the site has done a bang up job getting out news, contests, etc. after being an embarrassment for so many years. As part of the premiere celebration through November 12th the Fox Auction Site will be auctioning off costumes and props from The X-Files for charity. So, if you can't live without the dread white blouse with or without the bullet hole or Mulder's grey T-shirt you may want to check this event out.
Now Morgan and Wong are "The One"
Jim Wong is ready to direct again and will be behind the camera for the film "The One" starring Jet Li from a script he cowrote with Glen Morgan. The picture, which should get an August release, has a decidedly paranormal bent. In it a police officer meets up with a nasty version of himself from a parallel universe whom he must fight to save the world. I guess there can only be one...
Season 8 Schedule ... lots and lots of directors
11/5 8X01 - Within (Part 1 of 2)
Writer: Chris Carter / Director: Kim Manners
11/12 8X02 - Without (Part 2 of 2)
Writer: Chris Carter / Director: Kim Manners
11/19 8X04 - Patience
Written & Directed By: Chris Carter
11/26 8X05 - Roadrunners
Writer: Vince Gilligan / Director: Rod Hardy
12/03 8X06 - Invocation
Writer: David Amman / Director: Richard Compton
12/10 8X07 - Via Negativa
Writer: Frank Spotnitz / Director: Tony Wharmby
12/17 8X03 - Redrum
Writer: Steve Maeda Story By: Steve Maeda & Daniel Arkin
/ Director: Peter Markle
1/?? 8X08 - Untitled
Writers: Chris Carter & Frank Spotnitz / Director: Kim Manners
1/?? 8X09 - Untitled
Writer: Greg Walker / Director: Terrance O'Hara
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