To send in your burning question just email me at Ask Sister Autumn
Dear Autumn, who is apparently contractually obligated to answer my letter in the next newsletter, regardless of how I kiss up in the opening,
Hi! I know that you don't like it when people say what kind of music Scully listens to. You say that people just project their own musical tastes on Scully.
Well, bull pookey. Scully listens to Mary-Chapin Carpenter all the time. In fact, I'm thinking of writing a fanfic wherein Mulder comes over to Scully's apartment, and he uses his key to get in because he doesn't want to disturb her, but when he comes in, she's singing along to Mary-Chapin's song, "I Want To Be Your Girlfriend". Mulder realizes how much the song relates to their relationship, and when Scully notices that he's been standing there, listening to her the whole time, she is embarrassed, but Mulder reassures her that everything is okay, and he kisses her.
I know, I know, it's a little hokey. Alternatively, I was thinking that I could write a story where Mulder comes over to Scully's apartment, same deal, but this time, Scully is singing Chapin's "Shut Up and Kiss Me". Mulder realizes how much this song relates to blah blah same ending as before.
Oh! And I was thinking I could do a little angsty piece, too, where Mulder comes over to Scully's apartment blah blah, but THIS time, she's singing along to "The Last Word". Mulder realizes what a putz he's been and apologizes for everything. I think I'd set this one right after Two Fathers/One Son.
I'm basing all of this on a wonderful fanfic I read several years ago, where Scully comes over to Mulder's apartment, and she uses her key to get in because she doesn't want to disturb him, and he's singing Eric Clapton's song "Layla", only he's singing "Dana" instead of "Layla" (get it?). So it went something like "DAAAAAAA-na, you got me on my knees!" (God, you can't imagine how much I wished I were making this part up.) Scully freaks out, but Mulder assures her that everything is great, and that he loves her, and they kiss.
So, my question to you is, do you really think they can pull off a season of Mulder-lite episodes? Honestly?
Holding off on writing those fanfics till I hear back from you,
Step away from the Orange Tic-Tacs and step far far away from the songfic (I can't believe people still need to be told that). I think I shall answer the only pertinent question in this email, do I think they can pull off a Mulder-lite season. The answer is yes. Honestly. But maybe, in the immortal words of Mary-Chapin Carpenter, it is just because "I Feel Lucky."
I belive St Scully may be punishing me but i don't know why.I have dreams in which(st scully help me) i am THE PUNK i have to see things from his point a view time and time again.I find myself pulling off the infamous mulderditch to go and investigate some bizzar case. Is this a sighn that my faith is weakening or a punishment.What can i do to get rid of the suffering
Oh my. Here is the way you can get rid of both of our suffering: study.
Do you people understand what I have to deal with here on a monthly basis? Do you? Bizzar. sigh.
Dearest Autumn whose spreadsheets know no bounds and whose mighty Trout thwaps many an erring ass,
I'm in something of a quandry here. My refrigerator, is, well, misplaced. No, not like that. I know where it is. It's just . . . in my living room. I know living room fridges are generally viewed as an abomination, and many SREs have been developed to explain them away. I know I shouldn't have my fridge in my living room. It's a kitchen appliance. It belongs in the Kitchen, dammit! But when in the kitchen, it does not stay cold, leading to the spoilage of milk products including cheese, and the inability to make ice, two things which are necessary to contented life. So my roommate and my Landlord moved it to corner of the living room where it, as of this morning, remains a cool 40 degrees Fahrenheit.
My question is, do I insist on moving it back to the safety of the kitchen and risk food poisoning, or do I leave it where it sits and hope no one notices? I'm sure we could make a giant slip cover for it when company comes . . .
First of all, if the fridge is in the living room the only people who will not notice are those involved in the process of making a major motion picture. To them such things are merely quaint set dressing to offset the fireplace. In your case, it may be OK to leave it there and pretend it is a conversation piece and not that it was too taxing to walk into another room for a hunk of cheese. I suppose since The Blessed One in one of her odder whims decorated her home that way during the X-Files movie it is OK from a Scullyist perspective, but if you find that you start sleeping in full makeup and a push up bra it might be best to move it back to its rightful place.
Dear Sister Autumn, to whom a loquacious and laudatory salutation would be an insult, as not even the divine Muses could contrive a unification of satisfactory adjectives that explicate the eminence of your personal state of being,
I had a dream about Scully doing the Wild Thing with the Crocodile Hunter himself, Steve Irwin (the Australian guy on the Animal Planet Network who jumps on crocodiles and pisses off venomous snakes).
Is that weird?
- Sister CC Decker
Yes. So he was jumping on Scully instead of a crocodile? Was she yelling out "Oh Crikey!"? I don't need to get into the dream interpretation of snakes for you do I? Because I'm thinking it's you that might be interested in seeing his rather than Scully.
Dear Autumn: I am not a member of the Order. I am a sinner at heart, but I have come to throw myself at your mercy and beg for forgiveness for my latest sin. My latest prayer unanswered.
Today, I found out that, in fact, the X-files will go on for another season. Why, oh why is God so unkind? Why will he not let our Blessed Scully go in peace, with the dignity she deserves.
How long I ask, oh trouted one, can we sit back and watch as they make a mockery of our Blessed Saint and her lunatic partner. I'll admit it is of little consequence to the blood money thirsty, whining one she calls her co-star. But must she fade another year into the malaise of bad writing and lack of imagination??
I have prayed that this would be the last season, why has my God forsaken me?
OK, I'm gonna be serious for this one. You know, I wanted the show to end last season as much as the next person, but sadly I am not in control of FOX. Here's the thing though. Because of the limited nature of Duchovny's commitment this year 1013 has to do something it seems like they have not done since Morgan and Wong left the series - THINK AHEAD. I'm encouraged that this change will force them to use more imagination. I'm encouraged that the actors seem to be enjoying working on this season so much. I'm encouraged by most of the scripts I've seen for this season. So, I'm taking it one week of Scullyvision at a time this year. Might be good, might be bad, but I'll wait and see before I judge.
Dear Sister Autumn, of whose attention I am so unworthy,
I have become very distressed as of late. You see, I joined the Order or her Blessedness some time ago, but have been regrettably unable the visit the Abbey for some time. Only recently have I been able to, much to my jubilation. Upon coming back i find much talk of the PUNKishness of TBO's
Please have mercy, it was not my choice to fall to such... PUNKish persuasions, but I must seek redemption, and ask you humbly to lead me to the path that will lead me back to The Blessed One.
No, it's not wrong to be a shipper. It's wrong to be annoying.
Dear Autumn, who is really cool and swell and stuff,
I have a problem, and I am not sure how to handle it. You see, there is this person who posts on various message boards who seems to take pleasure from saying unkind things about our Saint and the EI. This person has even been known to make unfavorable comments about our most revered leader (let's call her "Fall.") I have tried to turn the other cheek and I have tried beseeching her to turn from her errant ways, but to no avail. I have asked myself what Scully would do in this situation, and I have not been able to come up with an answer. Is it wrong for me to bitch-slap this person into next year? Is that what Scully would do?
Yours in Saint Scully,
P.S. I had trout for dinner a few nights ago. Am I going to hell?
Dearest Minion who better change her eating habits,
I too have witnessed the pathetic escapades of this person for years. I like to call her "Chicken Little." Try reading her for entertainment value because it is rare that you will find one so willing to be so foolish so consistently. I am amused by the way she disses me yet trips all over herself to spread and without fail totally misrepresent every spoiler I've posted. To spend every waking hour under various sock puppet names on different forums whining takes a special breed of ignorance. To say for years you won't watch any more but still do requires a hypocrisy standard many only dream of. To stoop to visiting Robert Patrick's official site to spew your hate before seeing him even utter a line on the show brings lack of common decency to new heights. What would Scully do? Well, I believe she'd ignore those ignorant enough to pretend they know an actor and their motivations via things they've read in interviews. And I do believe she'd have little respect for those who insist on judging what they have not seen and have little understanding of. Mostly I think she'd pity those who have lost so much perceptive as to be controlled day in and day out by a television show they clearly dislike. My advice? Just walk away and don't give them the attention they clearly crave.
Dear Autumn who is really cool, yadda, yadda, yadda,
You may or may not be aware that I am really really fond of shoes. Especially shoes worn by Scully. I love Scully's shoes. I do.
So, here's my problem. I only have room for one more pair of shoes in my closet shoe holder. I decided to hold auditions at a local department store to see which shoes should fill the coveted position in my closet.
I found a lovely Liz Claiborne number in black, with a stocky three inch heel. Very similar to the shoes worn by Our Saint in The Movie. I was about to offer that shoe the position in my closet when something shiny came into the corner of my eye. It was the black patent leather boot worn by the EI at the New York Film Festival showing of House of Mirth (Coming to theaters on the East and West Coasts in December, 2000. To be released nationwide sometime early next year.)
Now, this is one persuasive boot. It even performed scenes from Shoespeare to convince me of its worthiness. Romeo and Muleiet, Two Loafers of Verona, The Taming of the Shoe, A Midsandal's Night's Dream. The list goes on. So, you can see my dilemma.
You're pretty smart, Autumn. Which shoe should I choose?
Gee, which Sister could this be from? Hmm.... KRISTIN?
Which shoe you choose is up to you, but I shall provide you with a simple quiz to help you:
Which line can you imagine yourself saying?
What would you rather do?
Which mode of transportation to you prefer?
If you vote A buy the Scully shoes. If you vote B I think you might enjoy Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.
I have a problem. I thought it would end, as S7 was supposed to be the last year of the X-Files, but I will have to deal with it for another year and I don't know what to do. My problem is the month of March. As you may know (or may not) March is March Madness, or 126 games devoted to that manpainest of sports, Basketball. I have a passing interest in basketball, as some people may know. My problem is that I don't know what
Sister, er, Sister Branch
PS Do I redeem myself even a little bit by going to a marathon for the sick children when it conflicted with the Sweet 16?
It's all about priorities. Seeing as how one can buy a VCR for under $80 these days I have a hard time empathizing with your dilemma here. I'd either update my Christmas wish list or sock away $15 a month for the next 5 months. Maybe if you weren't spending so much on cable just to get ESPN ...
Dear Sister Autumn, whose briefest attentions I cherish above all freaking things,
I've got this problem with my dorm room. The room itself, so far as I can tell, is fine - large and lovely, with lots of windows and posters of Scully on every wall - but I have the distinct impression that I am co-habiting with some sinister spirit that does not have my best interests at heart. Since the beginning of the academic year, I have chased nine bees out of my dorm room. That's right, nine. It breaks down to about one a week, which is especially odd because that's about how often they show up, almost like a time-release capsule.
I don't think that paranoia is getting the better of me so far. I
Are you sure it wasn't the same bee nine times?
It has come to my attention that you are voting again for your Favourite X-Files episodes that will be aired during the Scullython.
Not only do I get to play in Mulder's little delusional fantasies where he kisses someone WHO WAS NOT SCULLY... but I get to kiss the woman in the elevator. What's not to love?
1. Astronomy. Either of two points in the orbit of a celestial body where the body is in opposition to or in conjunction with the sun. Either of two points in the orbit of the moon when the moon lies in a straight line with the sun and Earth. The configuration of the sun, the moon, and Earth lying in a straight line.
2. The combining of two feet into a single metrical unit in classical prosody.
3. An XF episode that includes strange deaths, burning coffins, a cross dresser who's wearing Mulder's favorite perfume, a pissed off Scully who's little feet CAN reach the peddles, thank you very much, a television that only plays one movie on every channel, drunk Mulder, and a dead dog named Mr. Tippy, that you peoples REALLY REALLY NEED to vote for for this year's marathon. LOVE IT!
[Late Latin syzygia, from Greek suzugia, union, from suzugos, paired: sun-,syn- + zugon, yoke.]
This curious word comes from the Greek language, where it meant the yoking of two oxen. Over the eons, it came to mean the joining of any two entities without losing the individual characteristics of either one. This idea brings the yin/yang symbol to mind, and also the ambigrammatic phenomenon of two letters being joined into one shape without loss of their readability. In astronomy, however, "syzygy" is defined as an alignment of three heavenly bodies in the solar system, more like the periodic alignment of the three Ys in the word. How could a word that once implied the pairing of two entities come to refer to the alignment of three?
The answer comes in the fact that in science, no phenomenon can be investigated without taking into account the presence of the investigator. And when two heavenly bodies are seen to be in alignment, they are being seen from a third, which is necessarily in the same straight line. So no matter which way you look at the syzygy ambigram, it satisfies both sides of its ambiguous definition. -John Langdon, http://www.coda.drexel.edu/wordplay
Kill Switch Time
Heavenly shades of white face makeup,
There was this old guy CGB
Although Scully is always our Saint,
POLL: Testing 1..2..3 Testing
So, those pesky aliens have finally snatched up Mulder because he stuck his fingers in the wrong thing one too many times. Now they have him where they want him: in their grubby little lizard or grey or bounty hunterish or oilien paws. Put yourself in their space. What is the very first test they should perform on him and why?
"I've already tested him and believe me everything works just fine."