Be careful about leaning against those Sanctuary walls, friends, the paint's not quite dry.

That's right, the OBSSE has moved. And boy, do we have room (lots and LOTS of room)! To celebrate, we've spiffed up the Abbey and added a few new bells and whistles with more to come. So take a stroll around our new virtual abode and check it out. Who knows, you might even find a few surprises. ;)

Speaking of...

What a nice surprise it was to get a message from Yahoo! saying that we've been added to their list of X-Files sites. Finally! After three months of prodding and praying...(and perhaps a little Rogue OBSSE intervention?) Well, we Scullyists are persistent, if nothing else. :)

Oh, one last Sanctuary note. In early May, the OBSSE site was featured in The X-Files section of The Mining Company. Mining Company XF guide David Swinney gave the site a great review. Thanks, David!

Okay, on to the business at hand.

Season four is over, school is out, and summer is upon us. (Unfortunately, work continues, but we won't go there....) And as we all know, idle hands are the Cancerman's workshop, so the OBSSE has made it our summer mission to save some souls. That's right, we're here to help drive away those summer doldrums and break up those, "Is St. Scully in on it?" threads with a little fun, humor, discussion, and entertainment. So sit back and enjoy this June 1997 issue of "News for the OBSSEsed" featuring not one but TWO "Ask Sister Autumn" columns, the latest on XF and GA, a rundown on the "Post Season Finale Depression" that has struck, some Summer Spiritual Exercises to keep your Scullyistic senses attuned, Brother Nick's...um...*passionate* article about St. Scully from a male perspective, musings from our members, and more, more, more.

So grab your Margarita glass, catch some rays, and join us for a little Scullyistic Summer respite.

Yours in St. Scully,
Sister Nancy (no clever sig)

The television screen is dark. The house/apartment/tent is unnaturally quiet. No evidence of the "Tarty Lemon Scully" bars or "Messed Up Mulder Brownies" remains except for a few scattered smatterings of yellow and brown crumbs. Your fellow Philes have gone. All that's left now is to pick up the empty sunflower hulls spewed across your newly cleaned carpet and argue about whether or not St. Scully is "in" on the hoax.

This is a dangerous time for X-Philes. It is now, when Philes are at their weakest, that they are most susceptible to PSFDD (Post Season Finale Depression Disorder). Over the years, warning signs of PSFDD have become clear. Major symptoms include:

Loss of Memory:
Victims have been known to sit in front of their TV sets at 8 p.m. central on Friday nights mumbling, "Wow, Mulder's changed his name to Frank...and St. Scully's dyed her hair brown.... Is that little girl Samantha? Must be...."

Repetitive Behavior:
PSFDD sufferers often post the same message over and over to the X-Files newsgroups and mailing lists. This year's PSFDD message appears to be of the, "I have a theory: Mulder is not dead, and Scully is in on it" variety. PSFDD sufferers will post endless variations of this same message throughout the summer, sometimes changing the title to hide their sickness, i.e., "Another theory...Here's a Theory...Look Here for a Theory....Wanna Hear My Theory?...I Still Have a Theory..." etc.

Mood Swings:
Most PSFDD sufferers experience mood swings throughout the summer. Immediately following the season finale, many PSFDD victims will engage in a "flame" war regarding their theory (see above) and fatalistically suggest that this year's XF was the, "worst season ever--end it now!!!" As the season premiere approaches, PSFDD inflicted individuals will experience a complete turn around and talk about, "the best scenes from season four" and proclaim that XF, "should never end" and has enough material to go, "at least two more years."

Glazed Expressions/Confusion:
The majority of PSFDD victims float through the summer with glazed eyes as a result of rewatching the season finale over and over and over searching for clues as to how Mulder might have successfully faked his own suicide. In their confusion, they will reach the conclusion that: "There must have been a tunnel out of the boxcar."

Fortunately, PSFDD is not fatal, and the effects subside following the season premiere. Nevertheless, there is no reason for a Phile to suffer! For the Scullyist, certain OBSSE Spiritual Exercises (see below) have been known to mitigate PSFDD's more pronounced effects. For those of another "ilk", we are told that a membership to "Jake's Dude and Dudette Video Shack" can help wile away the more painful hours....

Being followers of The Blessed and Dateless One, however, we would not know. (Darn it!) 

Ah! The Good Ole' Summertime! Hot days, warm nights, and X-Files...reruns. Lots and LOTS of reruns. Nearly four months worth to be exact. It's enough to test even the most ardent OBSSE member's faith. But there is hope! Yes, Sisters and Brothers, the OBSSE has prepared Six Special Spiritual Exercises guaranteed to keep your mind, body, and spirit attuned to All Things Scully (and free of that nasty PSFDD (see above) that plagues so many of our friends at this time. So grab your pumps (the Brothers may opt for boots), flex those eyebrows, purse those lips, and practice, practice, practice!

Exercise No. 1:
I'm OK/You're Whatever

St. Scully is fine. Just fine. She's says so herself (all the time). Therefore, what better spiritual exercise could there be then to determine just *how* fine St. Scully is? Grab the Pilot episode, plug it in, and start counting! Find out just how many times in the last four years St. Scully has said, "I'm fine." Not only does this exercise help to convince you that the Blessed One will survive her cancer "just fine," it also will give the postulant or novice great insight into St. Scully's mental state during the episode, "Wetwired." (One note of caution: Before undertaking this exercise, make sure to hide any firearms you may have. Just in case.)

Exercise No. 2:
Don't Get Even; Get Rationale

As St. Scully has taught us, it's not easy to explain away the paranormal. The Blessed One must work hard to come up with convincing arguments to account for the bizarre cases she has encountered. Afterall, dated film sitting too close to a space heater certainly explains why an image of a screaming woman would appear on a passport photo, doesn't it? Therefore, OBSSE members should spend the summer preparing SREs (Scully Rationale Explanations) by fervently researching obscure illnesses and mental disorders that St. Scully can easily "whip out" and throw at an unsuspecting Mulder. The more obscure, the better. Although our Saint usually dazzles us with her brilliance, there are times when it is necessary for her to baffle Mulder with bull****.

Exercise No. 3:
Get a Life

Unfortunately, the Blessed One does not have one. But we, her faithful followers, can make amends. Rewatch those tapes where St. Scully has been unceremoniously ditched by her cute but wayward partner, spent her evenings slicing up dead bodies, or had a perfectly good pair of heels ruined by stepping in some ill-placed green alien goo, and think of something better for her to do, something fun. Write it down, and throw it in a hat. The next time you watch an XF rerun where the Sainted One is stuck at home on a Saturday night bathing her Pom, pull one of your ideas out of the hat and read it out loud, then skip the "St. Scully has no life" scene, and go on with the episode. Ta-Da! You've just given St. Scully an instant life!

Exercise No. 4:
Rewrite that Scene!

Along the same lines as "Exercise No.3: Get a Life," this exercise requires the OBSSE member to grab a pad of paper and a pen and REWRITE THAT SCENE! That's right, every time St. Scully gets dumped on, falls down a flight of stairs, or needs to be rescued, don't just take it, remake it! Stop the tape, and write it the way it was meant to be, with Kick Ass!Scully taking charge. For more fun (and spiritual growth) get some Scullyist friends together and put on a show!!!

Exercise No. 5
Take a Flying F****, Mulder:

This particular exercise was inspired by Sister Pendgirl's wonderful fanfic, "Adios," and easily can be done in conjunction with "Exercise No.1: I'm Ok/You're Whatever." Every time you hear the Blessed One say, "I'm fine," tells us what she *really* means. Simply substitute the words with an expletive. For those more sensitive to these matters, you may use words like "drat" or "darn." But others of us can have quite a heyday with this. (Note: Margaritas seem to facilitate the intensity of this exercise.)

Exercise No. 6
Let's Go Shopping:

It's become quite obvious over the course of recent episodes that The Enigmatically Sainted One is in need of some new fashion apparel. Casual!Scully, who has made numerous appearances in recent episodes, just doesn't seem to have enough to wear. In fact, she only has *one* thing to wear: that sweater. (Okay, it's a cute sweater, but still.) How can we, OBSSE members, stand by and watch our Saint suffer so??? We cannot! No, we must go shopping. Go to the mall, and find things that you think would look cute on Our Saint, and of course, buy them for yourself. If they just look cute on you, that's okay too. The simple act of "Shopping in St. Scully's Name" is token enough. :) 

Last month, we asked OBSSE members and visitors to the Sanctuary to select an "entertainer" that they thought would make the perfect mate for our Saint. Well, the results are in, and the grande prize winner is...

DAVID DUCHOVNY
(Is that a bit of ballot stuffing I detect by the Shippers among us, hmm?)

Following closely on the heels of Mr. Duchovny are...

HARRISON FORD and LUCY LAWLESS

Other celebrities garnering multitudes of votes included Harry Connick, Jr., Val Kilmer, and Jodie Foster. Winning in the category of "classiest" entries have to be Sister Mary Nancy's nomination of Catherine Deneuve and Sister La..Dee..Da..'s entry of Kenneth Branagh. Finally, the prize for "weirdest" entry goes to Savage Brutality who nominated Shaquille O'Neal. (No offense, Savage, but the physics involved in that pairing just boggle the mind....) 

The X-Files Fourth Season Finale was suppose to leave viewers wondering whether Fox Mulder would be back. However, for us Scullyists, the question du jour has been: If Fox Mulder's death was a hoax, is St. Scully in on it?

That's the question we pose to you, our loyal Brothers, Sisters, and Interested Readers. Let us know what you think. We'll put the results, and a few comments, in next month's, "News for the OBSSEsed." 

Welcome fellow OBSSE members to this special post-finale, start of hiatus, super duper summer double edition of "Ask Sister Autumn". Well, actually, there are just so darn many of you out there with "issues" that I need to clear out the old in box a bit. Please keep those cards and letters coming though. Email me at Ask Sister Autumn. Remember, I'm here to help.

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Dear Sister Autumn:

It is so confusing as to what I, as a novice of the OBSSE, should be wearing.

First of all, do we wear wimples or proudly show our Nice'n'Easy #110 Light Auburn colored hair? And what if we are Rogue members? (If there was such a thing, which, uh... of course, there's not) Are oversized SWAT helmets preferable?

Do we wear basic black or go for a more flattering color? Perhaps that light green shade so favored by the Blessed One herself?

Then there's the footwear.... 3-inch heels are fine for everyday paperwork and high speed chases, but what about those occasional times when a more sensible shoe is needed? The Sainted One has been ever so enigmatic about how it is possible to change shoes midway through a scene. And once again, there is the question of Rogue footwear. Yes, I know they don't exist, but IF they did, and if they wanted to do something like... oh, I don't know... hold John Shiban hostage (just hypothetically), would it be OK to wear combat boots? I understand the actress Gillian Anderson wears them, and from what I gather, she has *something* to do with St. Scully.

Please advise.

Sister Dana Karan
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Sister DK (are you from NY?),

What an appropriate question to ask - especially for my summer season special. You see, St. Scully gives us almost no indication of what to wear when the weather takes a turn for the warmer. We know she must pack her closet full of slightly different button-up long-sleeve sweaters away come Memorial Day, but what replaces them? Lighter weight button-up short-sleeve sweaters? As you can tell, even I share The Blessed One's fashion crisis. For now the only indication of warm weather casual fashion is the t-shirt and vest (you know she had to work that button-up front in somehow) combo she sported in "Jersey Devil".

Oops. It appears I became distracted from your original question. The OBSSE has no dress code per say. There are certain, um, "factions" of the OBSSE who seem to prefer camouflage colors when peeling potatoes for reasons I do not know. As for footwear, remember to always have big-heeled black boots in your trunk, and yes, if you *must* peel potatoes, combat boots suitable for accidentally stomping on toes while shouting, "Let her save herself you subtitle abusing freak!" are appropriate.

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Dear Sister Autumn,

I will make this as clear and short as possible:

I'M GONNA HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IF THEY DON'T CURE ST.SCULLY, SOON!!!

I feel I may not be the only one in that critical situation. I cannot endure seeing our Blessed One so afraid and so sad because of her approaching death (so they say). Each time I hear them talking about the Sainted One's coming death, I try to remind myself of Clyde Bruckman's wonderful words: "You don't!"

Please, tell and reassure us that the Enigmatic One will be fine as she tells us so well with uncertainty.

Thank You,
Postulant Sick-of-Abductions (and of cancers).
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Dearest Sister Sick-of-Abductions,

I wish I could reassure you. Believe me, the elders share your pain. We, like you, chant a nightly litany of, "She's fine. Really. She's OK. Just fine *and* dandy. If she wasn't fine she wouldn't look this good, right? Right???" while lighting our candle and facing the Holy City of Vancouver. You see, there is a bright side to everything - at least the affliction that St. Scully has seems to be a "Love Story" nasopharyngeal mass as The Enigmatic One gets more and more lovely as her dreaded disease progresses. It makes one wonder if we will soon see the episode where St. Scully and Mulder frolic in the snow and the tag line reads: "The truth means never having to say you're sorry".

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Dear Sister Autumn,

As a devoted Scullyist, I am of the opinion that any time spent contemplating the Blessed One is time well spent. I am, however, more conflicted about thoughts concerning Agent Mulder. Are there any guidelines as to how much time a novice should spend in this particular pursuit? Does it help any if I just confine my thoughts to Mulderglasses? Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Yours in St. Scully,
Sister Lesley
--------

Dear Sister Lesley,

Ah, once again that pesky Agent Mulder causes conflicted thoughts in the ranks. Well, the correct answer to your first question is, of course, as little as possible, but we realize that may be difficult. Even the wondrous St. Scully herself thinks fondly of her partner on occasion, but you will notice that she never lets those thoughts distract her (well except perhaps after a little too much wine, but that wasn't him anyway so we will discount that particular event). Compartmentalizing those thoughts as you suggested is good. I believe the Good Mother Nancy does this herself, though I think hers center more on black boxers than glasses - so choose wisely. You may also want to consider the meetings I recommend to the next good sister should temptations become too strong.

---------
Dear Sister Autumn,

The Punkish One himself has been speaking to me. He wants me to cross over and serve his Punkish ways. He's very subtle about it. I constantly run into posts in alt.tv.x-files referring to him and the fact that he is a PUNK. I *know* these posts have been put there to tempt me, but I am drawn to them. I am drawn to them because his name is *my* name too. (Whenever we go out, the people out there shout....) "PUNK" say these posts in a derisive tone. "STUPID PUNK." This punkishness is forbidden from those in the OBSSE, but it is inherent in my nature.

Can I be a punk and still serve St. Scully?

Worried to be punkish,
Sister (Punk) M
---------

Dearest Sister Punk M Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt (I can see why you shortened it!),

Yours is a dangerous path, dear. The Punkish One can be very subtle in his temptations. First our dear sisters (and some brothers) become distracted by his glasses or a speedo or a mock turtleneck and then PRESTO PUNKO before you know it he is whispering sexily in your ear, "Why can't she believe?", "I'm the one who is always right" and worst of all, "I didn't ditch her". Stay strong, Sister Punk. You have recognized your weakness, which is the first step. You may still be a Punk and not cross over to the dark side though you may want to consider the weekly Punks Anonymous meeting held in the Order's meeting room Friday nights at 9PM (8PM Central).

---------
Dear Sister Autumn,

After much prayerful consideration, this sister is submitting the following question for your "Ask Sister Autumn" column in "News for the OBSSEsed":

What is the official position of the OBSSE leadership regarding those of us in the Rogue OBSSE ranks? Are they praying for our return to the flock? Or are they secretly strapping on their Kelvar habits and preparing to join us in The Good Season Finale Fight on alt.tv.x-files.x-ville?

Sister Joanne, Rogue OBSSE Red Team Leader,
OBSSE postulant
--------

Dear Sister Joanne,

Did you say "Rogue" OBSSE? Hmmm. Never heard of it. There is a lovely bunch of sisters and brothers who work our kitchen crew though. Now Sister Joanne, I do believe I've seen you there in the kitchen as well. I just have to say that we elders do appreciate all the hard work and dedication of the kitchen staff. And you must know that the OBSSE wants second only to a cure for St. Scully a wonderful strong Scullycentric storyline, but "Rogue" OBSSE? Deny everything.

I have noticed something a little suspect going on amongst certain members of the Order who seem to prefer the addition of combat boots and utility belts to their wardrobe. It seems whenever one of them is at their computer surfing the OBSSE pages when I walk by I see them hastily hit the "BACK" button to return to the "Life of St. Scully" page. It is almost as if there might exist some sort of *secret door* there for these members of our flock (hint...hint). Or then again, I could be wrong.... 

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Dear Sister Autumn,

As an expansion to last month's question concerning lustful thoughts towards Agent Mulder, I must now ask if it would be considered blasphemous or inappropriate if a certain OBSSE brother (not naming any names here) occasionally weakened and indulged in carnal fantasies centered around the Sainted One Herself. Please take this as hypothetical of course....

All Hail St. Scully,
Brother Plantagenet
--------

--------
Dear Sister Autumn,

Having been recently initiated into the Order by the Right Reverend Mother Nance herself, I feel, although extremely delighted and wholly unworthy of my acceptance, somewhat intimidated. I wasn't a believer for quite a long time, and only in the past few episodes have I truly converted. I know I have a lot of make-up study to do, so I feel unworthy to ask questions of the Righteous Ones. But, putting aside my fear of reprisal (Mother Nance cautioned me about the Rogues), I must know:

1. Has the Sainted One ever gone bra-less, and in what episodes would I find such evidence?

2. If, God and all that is Good and Decent in Mr. Chris forbid, the Sainted One should, well, kick the bucket, what becomes of the Order? Shouldn't a committee be started to search for other suitable deities to which to channel our worship? Are we keeping count of the blood flow from St. Scully's schnozz? Would it be heresy to suggest Cher as a possible new partner for Mulder if the Sainted One, well, croaks? Should I just shut up and read the Holy OBSSE Tablets?

Humbly,
Brother Rog the Appreciative
--------

--------
Many blessings upon you, oh wise Sister Autumn,

The Right Reverend Mother says I would be wise to "not pisseth off Sister Autumn" so I earnestly hope the bra-less question was taken in the holy and reverent context in which it was conceived. It was, of course, meant to show how much more of the Blessed One I wish to gaze upon with mine eyes, in a purely platonic and worshipping manner, of course.

With trembling appreciation,
Brother Rog the Appreciative
--------

Dearest Brothers who are apparently spending *way* too much time locked in the Abbey's Men's room,

A healthy respect for the Blessed One's physical incarnation is perfectly understandable and permissible by the OBSSE. There is no denying that St. Scully is, shall we say, easy on the eyes. However, I feel it is my duty to caution you that by meditating solely upon Our Sainted Skeptic's holy visage to the exclusion of all else, you risk missing the substantial wisdom and insight to be gained from similar studies of her spiritual and intellectual divine essence.

Therefore, Brothers, I urge you to expand your hormone-challenged minds, and open yourselves up to the lessons to be learned by our Blessed Saint on all levels of her existence.

However, should you find that you are not able to expand your thought processes beyond your loins, do not fear. Mother Nancy has been toying lately with the idea of yet another Self-Help Program just for you and similarly situated Brethren, titled: "From Dinosaur to Divinity in 12 Easy Steps." (Tell me, how good are you at chasing down suspects while wearing three-inch heels? Do you even own any pumps? Never mind, I'm sure one of the Sisters--perhaps Sister Mary Bigfoot--will lend you hers.)

Even if you fail at this 12 -step program, remember, all is not lost. We are each uniquely called to her Enigmatic Enlightedness. Your challenge is to accept the limitations of your call and to find suitable balm for your palm.

Finally, Brother Rog, in answer to your specific two questions:

1. Though not exactly what you ask for, I suspect you may get the most enjoyment out of viewing these episodes: "The Pilot", "Humbug", "Teliko", "Ice" and "Small Potatoes" - though this episode name is not meant as a reflection on St. Scully as is clearly evidenced in "One Breath". Please remember to love St. Scully for her wonderful enigmatic mind when viewing these episodes.

2. Regarding St. Scully's potential demise, I'm going to remember you're new and pretend you didn't even ask that question. Brother, trust me, you have a lot of praying to do - now get thee to the sanctuary! 

NOTE: Given the Brothers' letters above to Sister Autumn, the OBSSE leaders thought it would be appropriate and extremely enlightening if long-time OBSSE member, Brother Nick P., delivered a little sermon to us about how St. Scully is viewed...from the male perspective. Following is Brother Nick's address. Take heed, Sisters. ;)

Dear Brothers and Sisters in St. Scully,

We are gathered here in our lofty OBSSE retreat to pay homage to our patron, St. Scully. We certainly admire her beauty, her intelligence, and her grace. We aspire to her earnestness, her intensity, and, of late, her courage in the face of personal tragedy. All of these qualities may be endlessly enumerated. However, I would like to speak today, of less...lofty things.

Our Saint is, after all, herself a creature of the earth. Flesh and blood, she possesses all those baser qualities that often distract us Brothers in our pursuit of her truth. In seeking to find that which draws us to her fire, we must not be afraid to look on Our Scully as a woman. To limn, as it were, the traces of her attractions to us.

When a Brother is faced with such a one as a "Baywatch Babe", he must realize the he is merely seeing the biological imperative cloaked in modern spandex. She is a creature, after all, of the most base physical aspects, sometimes surgically enhanced, of our blessed Sisterhood. She needs not qualities such as intelligence, sensitivity, perception and spirit for the task at hand: the winnowing of the many to the one acceptable "hunk." Truly, we should be impervious to the intense charms of these women, but their attraction for all men is strong. We Brothers are, after all, only slightly removed from the wild and, as our blessed Sisterhood is sometimes at pains to remind us, we are at the mercy of our hormones still. The true Brother in St. Scully must refrain from being swayed by the more ephemeral enticements of these shallow types. Paying homage to such as these is the real road to ruin.

What then makes Our St. Scully worth our attentions? She certainly possesses a physical beauty that rivals, in its way, that of her more plastic competitors.

One might be moved to point out that society has always viewed those of the blonde and brunette persuasions with a more conventional eye. Those who share St. Scully's coloration have, from time to time, been seen as "special" and we value that which is rare so much higher than what we see everyday. Then too, qualities of grace and intellectuality are often attributed, perhaps not entirely rightly, to those with a fiery coif. In St. Scully's case, however, they are more than justified. One might also note that she possesses, in her natural state, one of those signatory secondary sexual characteristics that so many of the previously cited collagen-crazed hopefuls crave. A glance at the Holy Book of the TV Guide (M:17-23) reveals her, how shall I say it, "full and pouty red lips." One might also point to her recent penchant for V-neck sweaters and the revelations contained therein....

Oh Fie! Fie! It is enough to make a Brother run for his cell and don his hair shirt and flog himself--don't say it--in shame at the thought of Our Saint in such a fashion!

It might also be argued that the appeal of pursuing Our Saint lies in the desire to ultimately abase the highest and saintliest among us: That the attraction comes of wanting to toss mud on the pristine hem of her angelic robe. 'Tis true that we males derive a certain--how shall I put this?--pleasure in making the most restrained of the fairest sex abandon herself to the animalistic passions of the moment. While I wouldn't discount this as the grounds for some of the Brothers--well, most of them, actually--a few, myself among them, hold ourselves to a higher standard.

No, what appeals to the Brothers In St. Scully is, in so many words, her being, her essence, her self. She is a woman of great intelligence and discernment. One knows that should one seek to become the love of her life, one is faced with the arduous task of persuading her of that fact and that her expectations, driven by her own excellence, will be quite high. It will take all one's own intelligence, wit, persuasiveness, and passion to woo her and win her. It will take patience and persistence. She will not await the winner of some testosterone-fueled competition. Rather, *she* will select the man she wants in her life. Should one be lucky and good enough for her, the rewards are inestimable: a marriage of true minds--and a passion that engages all aspects of being from the basest pleasure of the flesh to the most ethereal electricity of the spirit. She is truly a woman worthy to be worthy of--Our Saint Scully.

And now, having spoken my piece, I will retire to my cell. I have some flogging to do.

Yours in St. Scully,
Brother Nick 

Each issue, we like to spotlight the comments of a few of our new members. With our membership growing so rapidly, however, we are, unfortunately, not able to spotlight all. Whether your comments end up here or not, please know that we are thrilled to have you. Join in, participate, or just take a break with us and have some fun. And most of all, welcome to the OBSSE!

Sister Lee confesses:
To recommend my worthless self, I attest to a 10-year subscription to the New England Journal of Medicine (which I actually read); owning and using a variety of (licensed) firearms; (natural) red hair (ever untouched by chemicals) and fair skin; being a cancer survivor and possessing an absolute aversion to needing others. Oh yes, and a really excellent trenchcoat and a cell phone. (Odd...I never really did such a deep and personal inventory of myself in this context before...perhaps I truly am called....) As a mother of three with a professional practice, I do not now nor ever (recall) having a life. I have, however, survived 20 years of industrious application in business suits (from before pants went out to through their return). Celibacy is irrelevant (see aforementioned citation of three children).

In addition to my personal quest in faith, I am accompanied in my explorations by my 10-year-old daughter as students of St. Scully. The first call to the faith that we observed was our deep concern earlier in the season about plots which kept requiring The Blessed One to be rescued."

Brother (?) Aaron testifies:
"I have a strong 'inner Dana' that could be released, given the correct circumstances, that could benefit the entire Order."

Sister Town Ho writes:
"Yea, though I am unworthy to stand at the foot of such beneficent radiance as shines from Her; And Lo! Though I am unworthy to echo the logical teachings that fall from Her Sainted Lips ( Scientific Method! Test! Reject!'); Still, I, a poor mendicant (grad student-same thing), do verily wish to spread the Gospel of St. Scully, and most humbly beseech and entreat you, Sisters and Brothers, to let me join you in your place of worship, so that I may teach the downtrodden, unenlightened, and merely stupid the Glory that IS the Enigmatic One!"

Sister renee testifies:
"I recently had to write an essay on what character I would be in a television show for my visual communications class, and I wrote how it would definitely have to be Scully. I got an 'A'."

Brother Kevin confesses:
While only a humble man, I aspire to the same level of Sainthood that our beloved Scully has achieved. But to walk with gods takes time. So till then...."

Sister Jules reflects:
"I could best serve the Blessed One as a contemplative, as I tend to lurk, but my devotion is most heartfelt. I would concentrate on petitions for Mulder to acknowledge his unworthiness, repent of the diversion that is Samantha, and submit wholly to Her divine will and glory."

Sister Martha acknowledges:
"I think that search for understanding is far more noble than the search for truth. Whenever anybody asks me how I am doing, I respond, 'I'm fine, Mulder.' I refuse all food, water, and social activities on Sundays so I can watch the show with a still mind."

Sister Carina Adelia confesses:
"Our Blessed Saint Scully is a role model for me. While I know that none can be as perfect as she (even when she does things that may seem incomprehensible at the time), her's is a standard we can strive to achieve. May God continue to bless St. Scully!" 

Unless you've been living under the Sanctuary's stone walls for the past six months, you probably know that Chris Carter is making a movie. Not just any movie, of course, we're talking *THE* movie.

The XF movie, with a working title of "Blackwood" we hear, begins filming in June. Although some reports have stated that the movie (to be directed by long-time XF director Rob Bowman) largely will be set in Dallas, most of the filming is being done in LA. Of course, with the XF movie going on during the crew's traditional summer hiatus and butting up against the time when the TV show would start filming, FOX has already warned fans that next year's season premiere will likely be late.

Look for the movie to hit theatres in fall 1998.

Meanwhile, Gillian Anderson (our fair St. Scully), has seen her share of the spotlight lately. In addition to finishing work on two films ("The Mighty" and "Hellcab"), doing the voice over for HAL's "Extremis" recording, and making a music video to go with it, Anderson recently was named one of the "50 Most Beautiful People in the World in 1997" by People magazine. (See photo, People magazine, May 12, 1997) The US TV Guide followed that up by selecting her as one of the "20 Great Faces" in its May 24-30, 1997 issue.

Way to go GA! (Later this summer, we hope to report on her Emmy win...uh...I mean nomination.)

Each month, we feature prayers, hymns, poems, artwork, and other bits of interest and amusement by OBSSE members. The Sisters and Brothers, like their patron Saint, are exceptionally creative ;). This month is no exception. Enjoy! And should you feel the urge to "Muse" over Saint Scully, let us know.

Sister Cindy's Vision
by Sister Cindy the Indecisive

With the assistance of regression hypnotherapy (and some skillful re-writes by Sister Grace the Editrix), I am most pleased to share my startling and life-altering Vision of Our Blessed Scully. To wit:

Overwhelmed by the privilege of admittance to the Order, I sought scrupulously to become worthy of Her Service. I carefully removed myself from all things Un-Scully, and after prayerful meditation, determined to make a special novena in her honor.

For nine consecutive evenings, I performed the rite: I gently pulled the attractive hair net onto my head, and reverently smoothed away tiny bits of lint from my sterile scrubs, adjusting the protective goggles to fit snugly over my prescription lenses. Then, I carefully disassembled and cleaned my service revolver. Well, I don't actually *have* a service revolver, so I meticulously cleaned and polished all the bits from my power drill, remembering to recharge its delicate battery. Later, I shampooed my pomer... um, poodle, and then consumed a sensible and healthful salad before the flickering glow of The Learning Channel. I concluded my observances by browsing the Web for entomological information and finally perusing selections from Truman Capote.

On the ninth evening of my vigil, my ritual was strangely disrupted. The glimmering light from TLC danced hypnotically before me, and I soon became entranced. In a seemingly magical (though surely scientifically explainable) vision, the Blessed One appeared to me. Bright light radiated from her demure coiffure, and the outlines of her professional yet comfortable pantsuit were blurred by the preternatural fire emanating from her Divine Aura. She spoke words that will be forever burned into my memory: "My daughter," she murmured, "to serve, you require a new name, a catchy moniker, a better handle. Get my drift?" Then, as suddenly as she appeared, she vanished!

A new name! Of course! I prayed. I meditated. I fasted (well, sort of). But, alas, choice of an appropriate appellation eluded me. Should the name relate to Her Holiness' experiences in some way? Or would that be immodest? Should I retain *some* of my worldly identity? Or would anonymity be more pleasing to Our Lady? Indecision OBSSEsed me! But at last, in a flash more blinding than the light from a six-million candlepower flashlight, it came to me! Sister Cindy the Indecisive! With this identity I believe I can worthily serve Her Saintedness!

Let us pray.....

Yours in all things Scully,
Sister Cindy the Indecisive 

Last month, I followed in The Blessed One's footsteps and got a tattoo.

I soon found many people asking if I had voices in my head: Did my tattoo tell me to do bad things? Etc. I began to think that maybe I was not holy enough to receive messages from the ink on my ankle, so I pulled out my tape of "Never Again" and proceeded to watch it 37 times in a row, trying to see if I'd done something wrong.

I now realize my mistake was that I got my tattoo in Florida, not Pennsylvania, like St. Scully. So as a result, my tattoo doesn't talk to me....It just sings. :)

("Beyond the Sea...somebody waits for me...") 

We all know that the truth is out there,
And that it is in the realm of science,
And when Mulder insists it's the aliens' fault,
We all admire your defiance.

You know the truth,
Lies only in the lore
Obtained in biology or chemistry book,
And that is what the blessed science is for

We pray for thou blessed science
And for the skepticism you have spoken
And this prayer for science
Is, for you, just a small token. 

Most Sainted Scully,
Bestow the gift of sight
to see the road of truth
to this unworthy servant.
Bless me with your strength
that I may smote those that stray.
Allow me to look at others,
as if they are not nuts,
But with a touch of tenderness. 

Hail Scully, full of patience,
Mighty art Thou among agents,
And blessed is Thy undeserving partner, Mulder.

Holy Scully, Mother of hybrids,
Refute Mulder's theories
With Thy rational scientific explanations. 

Remember O most Blessed Righteous Scully
That never was it known
That any theory proposed by Mulder was not shot down
In your infinite intelligence.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you,
O brainiest of forensic scientists, my idol,
To you I come, before you I stand, humble and worshipping.

O someday mother of genetically perfect little uber-Scullys,
Despise not my petition,
But in your mercy,
Hear and answer my e-mail. 

Though Thy frame be slight,
And Thy stature be short,
Let no one say that Thou art not tough.
For with deadly fists a flyin'
And vicious kicks seeking windpipes to crush,
We brothers and sisters of Thy worship
Are sure that lanky Agent Mulder
Would be no match for Thy Kung Fu might!

Praise Her from whose schnozz blood doth flow,
Praise Her all X-Philes here below,
Praise Her above Mulder's stupid jokes,
Praise Mother Nance and the Holy Rogues.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-mmmmmmeeeeeennnnnnnnnn. 

Copyright 1997, Nancy Cotton (Except for the photos, which are owned by the people who...well...*own* them, I guess.)