In the Good Old Summertime...
Okay, so it may not be summer "officially" in North America yet, but down here deep in the heart of Texas, it's freak'n hot! So pardon me while I declare that "summer has arrived," and with it, a whole host of exciting things, the most anticipated of which (for Philes) has to be The X-Files Movie.
Yes, "Fight the Future" as a movie title sucks, but titles are overrated anyway. And to be honest, they're darn hard to come up with when you're on the creating end of things, so let's just cut them some slack on that, shall we? All I know is that the music (I'm listening to one of the soundtracks right now.) and the most recent theatrical trailer rock, so I'm hoping for the best.
To be honest, however, there is so much going on in June that I don't know what to be excited about first: 1) the fact that June 19 is THE movie premiere, 2) the fact that the first ever OBSSE Fest occurs the same weekend, 3) the fact that I will FINALLY get to play with Scully/Mulder action figures, or 4) the fact that on June 19 I turn 35.
Well, three out of four ain't bad. ;)
The movie, of course, will be fun. But what is going to make it absolutely AWESOME is that I will be seeing it with 50 other Scullyists! Yes, OBSSEsed Fest '98 is all set to go. We've got video viewing, games, contests, movie viewing, dinners, and all sorts of fun activities planned. And for those unfortunate souls who can't attend, well, we plan to do a major wrap up on the Fest in the July newsletter.
So buy your matinee ticket (If there's one thing I've learned in 35 years, it's not to pay full price for a movie.), grab a big Coke and some popcorn with extra butter (just for me), don your XF or Fest T-shirt, and get ready to watch The Blessed One arch her eyebrow on the big screen.
Oh, and one more thing, don't fight the movie marketing hype. Treat yourself. ;)
RevMa Nancy (no clever sig)
an OBSSE Contest!
by RevMa Nancy
You read it right. In honor of the opening of The X-Files movie, the OBSSE is sponsoring a contest. And being a rather tongue-in-cheek group of Scullyists, it's not going to be any old contest. This one's special. We're calling it:
Original, huh? The rules are simple:
the soon-to-be-released Scully and or Scully/Mulder action figures.
2. Pose your Scully and or Scully/Mulder action figure(s) in the most original/humorous/entertaining way possible.
3. Take a picture of your posed figures, and send it (via snail mail or email) to RevMa Nancy by July 25.
The winner (or winners...we may end up having categories) will be the photograph that displays the most original/humorous/entertaining pose. And just for the record, NC-17 or XXX poses won't be accepted, but that doesn't mean you still can't be creative/suggestive. Trust me. :)
In addition to the rules above, please pay attention to the following:
The contest will be judged by the RevMa herself and two nonOBSSE fellow
Philes (just to keep us honest). So hit the toy stores, grab your cameras,
and send in your entry!
Do I want to go to the X-Files Expo in New York? Oh, I don't know. I'll
have to take another day off of work, and it will be expensive, and I've
been traveling so much anyway.... You know, I don't really think I want
to go. But you go, have fun. Gillian? What's that? Gillian Anderson will
be there? BOTH days? Oh.oh....I'll make my reservations now.
So began the adventures of Sister Autumn and Sister MaryNancy (AKA Nanchita) as we made our way to New York for two fabulous days in the presence of TBO's earthly incarnation, Gillian Anderson. What follows will be my highly personal and individual reminiscence of our experiences.
The first consideration in an event of this importance is the planning phase. The logistical piece (air, hotel, Expo tickets) was fairly easy. The hard part was deciding what scripts to take, what we wanted to have Gillian sign, who was going to stand in line for autographs, who would remain seated while she finished talking, and what other autographs do we want to get, etc. This decision-making process is really quite involved. Let's see, we can get Steven Williams to sign One Breath and Spotsy can sign Leonard Betts, or wait, we'll have him sign Endgame. Yeah, that's it. Wow, wouldn't it be great to have Gillian sign my OBSSE certificate? And then we can have her sign the Kim Manners Chinga script. Man, this will be so cool. Little did we know then.. Wait, that sad news will come later.
In addition to our own personal planning frenzy, we also had Official
OBSSE Business to take care of. For not only would we be seeing Gillian
in NY, this would be our first chance to meet the esteemed Sister La..
De.. Da, Elder in charge of Special Projects, who had been busy carrying
out phase one of OBSSE Operation Nameplate (The Order's effort to
make a nameplate for St. Scully.). And Sister Autumn, worried perhaps that
her demure demeanor would make her difficult to distinguish in a crowd,
had had Elder T-shirts made up and needed to have those ready so that she
could bring one for each of us and Sister La .. so that we could stand
out in the Expo crowd.
Finally all was ready, and we began our trip to NY loaded down with scripts, pictures, backpacks, and food (having learned valuable lessons at the Dallas Expo regarding the importance of having snacks). The first item on our agenda once we arrived was to contact La.. so that we could meet up and exchange T-shirts, check out TBO's new nameplate, and oh, perhaps sample a NYC Scullyrita. Fortunately, the meeting was a success. We got along together just fine. La.. loved her T-shirt but refused to wear it at the Expo (Those New Yorkers are sometimes just too damn cool for their own good.), and we loved the nameplates! The Scullyritas were even good. We got some sleep, and then it was off to the Expo.
It's All About Gillian
Both days we arrived at the Expo site at least four hours before the doors were to open and found that we weren't even the first ones in line. We were close to the first, but it just goes to show what a dedicated bunch X-File fans are. So we waited. And waited. We waited, chatted with those around us, waited, snacked, waited, watched the line grow, waited, wailed about the GA autograph lottery system, waited, moaned about the GA autograph lottery system, and waited some more. This is when we first got to meet Honorary Brother Rick, a friend of La..'s who made the nameplates possible. Rick is an art designer or set designer or production designer or some such artistic type (I really don't have a clue as to what any of those designer types do, I'm just a computer nerd.) who contacted the X-Files designers, told them of our plan, and asked for the dimensions of the nameplate. The X-Files design team thought it was a great idea and had a good laugh about it apparently. Anyway, for his efforts, Autumn, La.., and I all decided that he could be an Honorary Brother. (Note to RevMa - I bet he would also look good in Black Boxers.)
Once we were finally admitted, I made the sad discovery that we *were not* winners in the GA autograph lottery system. Grrrr. On the second day, Brother L, who was right behind us, *was* a winner. I was very happy for Brother L (grrrrrr).
But enough whining. Let's talk about Gillian. Sister Autumn and I were actually fortunate enough to have seen her at a Creation convention in Burbank a few years back, and I was curious as to how this experience would be different. After all, she has received several well-deserved prizes since then and has had more experience dealing with masses of fans. And we're, well, we're older.
What really sticks in my mind though is one thing that has remained the same. At the Burbank convention, Charles Nelson Reilly described her as coming into makeup in the mornings looking like the daughter of the woman she plays on TV. As I thought back to Burbank and watched her on stage in NY, I had to agree with him. Just seeing her smile, which she does a lot of onstage, makes her look so different than Scully that it is simply mind-boggling. She does deserve ALL the prizes, because it is clear that she is not just playing herself on the show, she is inhabiting another character.
So what was different? She certainly seemed more at ease in front of
this big crowd. At Burbank she almost seemed a little teary-eyed when she
came out and was met with a thunderous ovation (and a thousand flashbulbs).
She seemed to take NY's greeting in stride. She really doesn't have any
opening shtick, so she went to the audience's questions right away. Oh,
before I forget, she is a teeny, tiny woman who is absolutely gorgeous
in real life, even when she is wearing those dorky black glasses.
As a fan, this is where you need to make some decisions. Is it more important to just sit and devote your full attention to watching and listening to her? Sure, you'll have great memories, but you won't get to ask her a question. Do you want to go stand in line early for an autograph to make sure that she doesn't have to leave before getting to you? You probably won't be able to see and hear her as well way over there in the line, but at least you will get an autograph and one moment where she looks directly at you and smiles. Do you want to stand in line to ask her a question? The upside of this is that your question will probably be so insightful yet humorous that Gillian will immediately turn to the staff and ask to have you brought backstage so that she can meet you. (This is my own personal fantasy but, if I may steal a line from Fran Lebowitz, this occurs rather less often than one might wish.) The downside is that your question is not nearly as interesting to her as you thought it would be, she answers it quickly, and boom, time for you to find your seat again. These are things you need to think about beforehand so that you are ready with plans, contingency plans, and numerous questions for her just in case someone dares to ask YOUR great question. Or you can present her with a nameplate...
This was a shining moment for the OBSSE as Gillian did seem to be very pleased with the concept and the execution of our plan. Sister Autumn was only the second person up at the mic the first day, and a look of consternation crossed Gillian's face as Autumn began her remarks by saying that there was something that had always been a point of irritation with her biggest fans. Then the people seated around the microphone started yelling and clapping as they heard Autumn explain what she had for Gillian. So if it hadn't have been for the (loud) OBSSE contingent in the first couple of rows, Gillian wouldn't have had any idea what she was getting until it was in her hands. As it was, she laughed and remarked that now she needs to get a desk. Since great minds do think alike, Sister La.. had already written on the back of the nameplate, "Gillian, we're still working on the desk.". Whew, everyone was happy. Gillian genuinely seemed to like the gift, and we made her laugh. Mission accomplished.
One of the other interesting moments was a woman who said her 12-year-old son was a big fan and wanted a hug from Gillian. Now, I generally don't like when people do this, because I really want to hear questions, at least good questions, so that I can learn something about the speaker. I just have seen it make the speaker feel awkward. But, at the risk of encouraging this type of behavior, Gillian doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she seems to have quite the soft spot for kids. This boy came forward and was handed up to the stage (Bruno the Bouncer picked him up like he was no heavier than one of my cats.), and Gillian seemed totally at ease giving him a hug and talking with him a second. It was really kind of cute and elicited an "Awww" from the audience, even curmudgeonly me.
In addition to a soft spot for kids, she also seems to really want to
be nice to the fans. The fact that she has done a convention and an Expo
appearance at all would seem to indicate that. But just watching her answer
questions is impressive. She really listens to each question and answers
it as truthfully and completely as she can. She is also quite diplomatic
when need be, always making sure that she doesn't cast the slightest aspersions
on anyone (or any co-stars, and you can read into that anything you want).
The aforementioned 12-year0old had also brought up a picture that he wanted signed, but he only had a regular pen with him. Gillian, being quite experienced with signing autographs by now, knew that what she needed was a Sharpie. One of the Expo staff was on stage with her and was trying to get her to have the kid wait in the autograph line and sign his picture then, but Gillian would have none of it. She wasn't going to send that kid back to his seat without an autograph, so she waited until she got a Sharpie and signed that picture. It wasn't a big deal but just a reminder of how nice she is with the fans.
The last question she got on Saturday was a request to sing "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog." She was quite flustered with this request and probably didn't want to do it initially, but she made us sing along (telling us we had to sing it badly on purpose). She turned her back to the audience to begin the song (because she was so nervous), and then we all proceeded to sing with her. It was quite a moment: Gillian Anderson and a couple thousand fans singing (badly). It was really a good send off. So thanks Gillian, for making it a memorable and wonderful experience. And thanks to all the Brothers and Sisters we met. We certainly enjoyed it!
Editor's Note: Go here
to view a complete transcript of GA's NYC appearance. Thank you to RhymePhile
for recording and transcribing this!
The Order of the Blessed Saint Scully the Enigmatic is pleased to announce the opening of its new Product Development, Testing, and Marketing Division. Necessitated by persistent interior design cost overruns incurred by the Festive Wing (They are still seeking consensus on a design theme - we will be holding an Abbey yard sale featuring slightly used furniture, paint, wall and floor coverings next month.) and the escalating cost of special Kevlar® Starfrit® accessories for the Kitchen Crew, the Abbey has elected to implement a revenue generating project to bring in additional tax-exempt income. While we haven't yet opened for business, we have several exciting product prototypes that have been extensively tested by eager volunteers within the OBSSE membership. We are pleased to present to you some of the products that have been approved for full-scale production.
These items are hot. Really, really hot. Unanimous approval of the concept has resulted in more product ideas than we can possibly provide all at once due to the exorbitant startup costs of full implementation. However, items beyond the initial offerings shown here are being fast-tracked into production pending satisfactory focus test results. The following items are anticipated to hit the St. Scully Relic Conservatory, Cafeteria, and Souvenir Shoppe within the month:
The Official OBSSE Blow-Up Sex Doll Evil-Twin-o-Mulder Floaty
Description:Inspired by recent revelations in Details magazine and Entertainment Weekly. Features a gaping mouth that holds drinks - or anything else you care to put into it, for that matter. Folds in half. (Feet lodge securely in mouth for storage.) Perfect for the pseudo-intellectual on your gift list!
Wet Leg Kick Scully Floaty
Item Code: OB-YOWZA34-25-36
Description: Lifelike, shapely, glistening wet right leg is only one of the hot features on this item. Because Brother Pendrell destroyed several alpha versions trying to remove the torso-covering blanket of bubbles, this feature has now been made detachable. This one is being rushed into production, and Pendrell has reserved several dozen for himself. Destined to become a classic collectible!
Don't Mind 'Im, 'E's 'Armless Sexually Ambiguous Krycek Floaty
Description:Floaty faux leather jacket and jeans complement this studly poolside essential. Optional arm attachment keeps your Scullyritas within easy reach and stores cleverly in a behind-the-fly compartment. Unique mouth detailing ingeniously ensures proper dental and oral hygiene. Lips are designed to seek out cheeks (either type) regardless of your sexual or conspiratorial leanings. Guaranteed to stimulate conversation!
Unfortunately, one item has had to be recalled for further development
and testing. The Spender Whine-a-Lot Floaty
has displayed a marked tendency to sink and annoy. A motorized version
is being considered for the purposes of target practice. Details to follow.
This is a product line intended to appeal to the crowd that doesn't have access to a pool on a regular basis. Prototype testing had to be prematurely halted because of increasing delays and ensuing tense confrontations occurring in lineups outside the Abbey's dormitory bathrooms. Here are some items currently undergoing testing:
Duck and Dive "Avatar" Submarine
Description: Sleek, slender, and oh-so-mobile, this 12-inch delight skims the surface of your bubbles and dives at the most exquisitely unexpected intervals. Expected to be a highly sought-after item.
Skinner Super Soaker with Cigarette Smoking Man Tidbit Dispenser
Item Code: OB-TRUSTNO1
Description: A twist on a familiar theme. Aim at the CSM dispenser and miss - and receive advice, assurances, and rewards for selling out to the Consortium. Hit the dispenser and, well, you'll be sorry. Excellent for those who like their positions compromising.
Those Intimate Moments:
Lone Gunmen Lingerie
We never expected to become involved in the intimate apparel business. However, several of our members have suggested that there is an unexploited market niche for unique lingerie. With that in mind, we tentatively offer for consideration the Lone Gunmen line of naughty novelties:
Frohike Alpaca Thong and Garter Belt
Item Code: OB-Ick-1
Description: Whimsical unisex item (sized S, M, L, and XL) for the adventurous sort afflicted with Fruit of the Loom ennui. Matching garter belt is perfectly complemented by Langly Long and Lovely Supersheer Stockings (below).
Long and Lovely Supersheer Stockings
Item Code: OB-RlyIck-1
Description: Forget about those gangly gams - these exquisite stockings will banish all thought of other than shapely Scullyistic legs once glimpsed by le paramour du jour. Definitely unisex.
Byers Leather Bustier
Item Code: OB-HONK
Description: Black and sexy funky poaching wear. Dedicated to the memory of Esther Nairn. Includes complementary black eye makeup and nose ring. Has to be seen to be believed! Nothing artificially intelligent about this.
Up and Coming:
Volunteers are currently being recruited to test the following prototypes:
Quit Staring, I'm Fine! Full-Length Mirrors:
We have utilized state-of-the-art optics to bring you a product guaranteed to make you look absolutely fabbo regardless of abduction history, gut-wrenching losses, punkish ditching, heightened awareness of ex-chickadees, or ongoing threats to life and limb.
Lifelike facsimile of madly grinning, twinkly-eyed surfer-type oblivious to glaring continuity errors and fan furore keeps coming back for more! Ideal for boxercise and kickboxing workouts. May be packaged together with coordinating dart board.
For those looking for a decent screw...driver and more!
as a Role Model?
Ten Scenes to Make You Believe
by Sister Shari
Editor's Note: Awhile back, a discussion began on the OBSSE mailing list and the ATX newsgroup, spawned by comments made by David Duchovny, regarding whether Scully was an admirable rolemodel. Well, you can guess which side OBSSE members came down on. In true Scullyistic fashion, Sister Shari went so far as to offer evidence, in the form of specific episodes and scenes, that proved to her The Blessed One's worthiness. We are happy to share Sister Shari's missive with you here:
Leaving Mulder aside because... well, because I always do... there is so much about Scully that is worthy of imitation. On the message boards on AOL, someone asked which 10 scenes I would show a non-Phile to help them understand who Scully is. I realized these same scenes, presented below, perfectly illustrate why Scully is a GREAT role model:
1. Scully threatening Boggs after Mulder was shot in Beyond the Sea. There's just nothing like an Angry!Scully. And through the anger comes her obvious passion for Mulder, for "rightness." Two seconds later we get to see her vulnerability. She's truly a multi-faceted character.
2.The scene in "Squeeze" when Tom Colton, resident jerk, asks Scully whose side she's on. Her reply? "The victim's." That is SO Scully. She is in this game for all the right reasons... to make a difference, to help someone. She says it clearly in "All Souls": "I've taken it as my code and purpose to uphold the law... to save lives." No hidden agendas for her. Scully is the epitome of integrity and fairness.
3.Scully and Mulder at the site of the grave Roche implied was Samantha's in "Paper Hearts." It's really necessary to have seen "Conduit" for this scene to have the upmost impact, because in THAT episode, when Mulder began to unearth a grave, Scully stopped him, citing rules and regulations. In "Paper Hearts," Mulder only has to plead, "Scully, help me," and she does. ByTheBook!Scully tosses out the book because she understands what Mulder needs from her. Her loyalty is boundless.
4.Scully in the parking garage with Mulder in "Little Green Men." Mulder was at the end of his rope, his faith having been tested. Scully first went to the trouble of contacting him, risking rejection, and then proceeded to bolster his spirits: "And next time... we meet out in the open." She's brave and unashamed, too.
5.Scully in Dr. Kosseff's office in "Irresistible." In this scene we learn so much about Scully--how trusting she is of Mulder, and yet how important his image of her is, how much she values control, yet how capable she is of deep feelings and pain.
6.Scully bursting through the doors of the make-shift hospital in the Arctic, demanding to see Mulder, and basically bullying the doctor into allowing her to take over Mulder's treatment. She is strong, determined, and relentless. And oh, the faith she has! She's never sounded more confident than when she said, "He's *going* to make it."
7.Scully in the confessional at the end of "Revelations." I love this scene because we see a searching, unsure Scully. It makes her all the more human.
8.The van scene in "Pusher." I'd show this scene because Scully wears her love for Mulder all over her face. He's trying to get her to smile, and she looks like she's going to be physically ill at the prospect of him going in alone.
9.The forest scene in "Detour." This scene has a plethora of Scully emotions. We see her being playful, sultry ("Trying to open my gun." -- that was a bedroom voice if I've ever heard one), thoughtful (as she dared to talk about her cancer with Mulder), tender (as she cradles Mulder in her arms), and filled with a determination that we hadn't seen in quite a while ("I'm not gonna get tired").
I can save you, let me," from "Redux II." Willing to sacrifice her
name, honor, and integrity to save Mulder. What more can one ask?
EDITOR'S NOTE: Brother Colin's article (which first appeared on the OBSSE mailing list) is a bit...how shall we say...controversial in the Abbey. Not everyone agrees with our dear Elder's dataset, but that's what makes life interesting, no? Don't be surprised if you see a "counterpoint" article in this spot next month from Sister La..Dee..Da... Meanwhile, read on, and decide how the numbers add up to you.
Well, with all this discussion of the Order's (eminently reasonable) fears of another Damsel!Scully routine in the XF movie, I was curious, so I decided to take a survey of sorts. I went back and, from memory and with the help of episode guides, tried to figure out whether this was an actual trend in the series, or whether Damsel!Scully simply sticks in our minds more.
First, a disclaimer - I did not have time to go back and actually rewatch all these episodes, and I don't have Sister Autumn's eidetic memory for XF details. Additionally, some of these are borderline, so a judgment call had to be made. Ergo, I'm going to list at the end each episode I counted for each category. Any that I might have missed will, I'm sure, be pointed out. :-) I tried to define each question fairly broadly - when in serious doubt, I included a given episode.
This survey goes through Redux II - I simply haven't had time to go back and rewatch, and I don't have an episode guide to refresh my memory.
So, without further ado:
My six questions were: 1) How many times has Mulder been abducted/imprisoned? 2) How many times has Scully been abducted/imprisoned? 3) How many times has Mulder saved Scully from physical harm? 4) How many times has Scully saved Mulder from physical harm? 5) How many times has Mulder suffered some sort of possibly serious/terminal affliction? (when in doubt, I defined this as "hospitalization") 6) How many times has Scully suffered some sort of possibly serious/terminal affliction? (ditto)
1. Number of Mulder imprisonments: Season 1: 2, Season 2: 2, Season 3: 0, Season 4+: 5. TOTAL: 9
2. Number of Scully imprisonments: Season 1: 1, Season 2: 5 (rough season), Season 3: 0, Season 4+: 3. TOTAL: 9.
3. Number of Mulder-saves-Scully: Season 1: 1, Season 2: 3, Season 3: 2, Season 4+: 2. TOTAL: 8
4. Number of Scully-saves-Mulder: Season 1: 3, Season 2: 2, Season 3: 2, Season 4+: 1. TOTAL: 8
5. Mulder afflictions: Season 1: 1, Season 2: 1, Season 3: 2, Season 4+: 1. TOTAL: 4
6. Scully afflictions: Season 1: 0, Season 2: 1, Season 3: 1, Season 4+: 6 (ow!). TOTAL: 8
Episodes Counted towards Each Question:
1. Deep Throat, Erlenmeyer Flask, Red Museum (his imprisonment in the meat locker - a stretch, perhaps, but he was effectively rendered powerless by it), Die Hand Die Verletzt, Teliko, Tunguska/Terma (1 credit), Max (the gov.), Max (whatever interrupted the flight), Small Potatoes.
2. Lazarus, Duane Barry/Ascension (what a biggy, though!), Irresistible, DHDV, Colony/End Game (capture by ABH), Our Town, Unruhe, Terma (the russian assassin), Never Again.
3. Squeeze, Irresistible, C/EG, Our Town, Blessing Way/Paper Clip (breaking Scully's Mexican Standoff w/Skinner - this one I'm not so sure of), Teso Dos Bichos (didn't Mulder pull the killer kitty off Scully?), Unruhe, Redux/R2 (getting the chip.)
4. Deep Throat, Jersey Devil (this I'm not so sure of - I was thinking of Beastwoman fleeing from Scully rather than ripping Mulder apart), Ghost in the Machine, Erlenmeyer Flask, Red Museum, C/EG ("Get him out of there!"), Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Pusher (pulling the alarm - this one's a bit iffy), Teliko.
5. Beyond the Sea, C/EG, BW (no hospital, but being brought back from the dead by a bunch of Navajo qualifies in my book), Demons (iffy...), Apocrypha.
6. One Breath, Wetwired, Never Again (offscreen), Memento Mori, Zero Sum (offscreen - we were told she was in the hospital, though), Gethsemane, Redux/Redux 2.
Anyway, I realize the selections may have been arbitrary, so I'm not
going to draw any conclusions on the data at this point except that I was
surprised that (apart from the hospitalization question [fourth season
was a bitch]), they really weren't all that far apart statistically...by
the numbers, of course.
Ah, summertime is here! The time of mythology repeats and BigScreen!Scully. The Brothers and Sisters are full of frolic about the Abbey - so carefree and happy. In other words, things seem a little too calm. Yes, now we are all pumped up by the movie trailers to the point of forgetting all about lizards, bees, and comas and are just thinking about how wonderful it will be to see Action!Scully in all Her glory. I too am caught up in this Pre-FEST, pre-movie thrill. However, should you be feeling stung, say June 20th, have questions about The Blessed One's new movie wardrobe, or any other pressing needs - well, you know who to write. Your dear Sister Autumn who is always here for you as long as it amuses her. So, in your time of need, drop me a line at Ask Sister Autumn.
Dear Sister Autumn:
I am a novice, newly admitted to the Order, and I ask you to humbly hear my confession:
While watching the latest ep, "All Souls" (blessedly Scullycentric), I realized I was having uncharacteristically "Mulder-ish" thoughts! I found myself agreeing with him as he (cringe!) lectured The Blessed One on Christian mythology and its history of persecution. Perhaps I am not worthy to be admitted to our Savior Divine's Order. How can I cleanse myself of this offense?
Sister(?) Lynne vh
Dear Sister(?) Lynne "vh" (Did you add that last part one day when you suddenly decided "Wow, I could have had a vh!"?),
Have I mentioned that "All Souls" is one of my favorite episodes? No reason to mention it, just thought you might like to know. Now where was I? Oh, that's right, you had a question, and look, it is about "All Souls" - how very convenient! Oh, look at you, how quaint, agreeing with Mulder. Lynne, dear, I have a question for you (and alas a question I don't get to ask very often, so look out). Who was right this episode, and who was busy playing porno boy and telling Scully she was too personally involved (in an astounding bit of hypocritical dialogue - "Hello kettle, this is pot - you're black")??? Mulder may have had a point based on history, but The Blessed One "just knew" the truth. You know, there is a reason we call her St. Scully.
As for cleansing, well at least you are bright enough to know it was an offense. Had you also dissed "Revelations," I might have snapped, but for now, I suggest you spend a little time writing an essay for the Abbey bulletin board entitled: "Shiban and "All Souls" - Freak Accident or Divine Intervention?"
I have often written you in the past when I was at the brink of some celestial Scully crisis like Scullymata and my quest to decorate my apartment after her Holiness. I'm writing again today to seek solace in your wisdom. See, in the last three months, something truly bizarre has happened to me. For the first time in ages, I wasn't jumping up and down at the prospect of watching our televised bible known as The X-Files. Instead, I spent much of my time crying like a baby over "Titanic." During this time I had a revelation that I credit to your guidance as well as that of Saint Scully. I realized that Mulder, the punk extraordinaire, could never be Jack Dawson. It hurt me to think about, but I think the anti-shippers have been right all along. As a life-long shipper, well, five years at least, I need your advice. Should I scrap all past hopes that Mulder and Scully, the Cheesehead and the Celestial Goddess, could possibly be the Jack and Rose of the alien chasing, conspiracy laden sect? I ask this in the name of Saint Scully.
Sister Tara M
Sister Tara (who sometimes reminds me of another Tara),
Wow. I certainly can see how, as a shipper, "Titanic" would make you cry like a baby. I mean, to see a big ship that lovely crack in half and just sink. I think shippers, boaters, and sailors all over the world were deeply traumatized. Myself, I'm just traumatized by having to listen to that pathetic radio remix of Celine Dion crooning over clunky overwrought dialogue, but that's just me. Now, was there a Scully question in here? Personally, I don't see any connection between two folks who fell in love on a boat that sank years ago and The X-Files, and could never imagine them as Jack or Rose. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that despite whatever romantic leanings She-Who-Now-Has-The-Only-Nameplate might have, the thought of that comparison might make her slightly seasick.
Oh most wise and revered Sister Autumn, before whose radiance I am unfit even to grovel,
I have a most startling confession to make. You see, I have only watched "Memento Mori"...once. I know, I know, it is the most holy of episodes, but I simply cannot bring myself to watch it again. Even though I know that TBO has since been saved by the Holy Remission Chip, seeing Her Pantsuitedness in such straits is simply too painful for me. I become horribly depressed and mope around just thinking about it, and only copious quantities of Scullyritas can bring me from my slump. I know my refusal to regularly view MM is sinful and a disgrace...Whatever should I do?
Dear Sister PythiaFF,
While your concern for The Blessed One is noble (and your sucking up quite good as well), I feel that I can help you overcome this particular problem. Yes, like so many episodes, "Memento Mori" is depressing. I will admit it even made me shed a tear when I first watched it. However, while still an emotionally effective episode, I have found that after watching it, um, around, mumble-teen times (especially knowing She is now the Blessed Bearer of the Remission Chip), I still can't get enough of it for frankly one reason: Gillian Anderson deserves ALL THE PRIZES for this performance. The acting is soooo exquisite that watching it, to quote John Cougar Mellencamp, (which is NOT something I am prone to do - believe me) "hurts so good." Plus, there really is a sense of hope at the end that is quite touching despite the fact the PUNK has Scully's Sacred Ova thawing in his pocket. And, if you have to drink Scullyritas afterwards exactly how is that a bad thing?
Dear Sister Autumn,
Once again I turn to you so that you might give me the right directions on The Blessed One´s Way. The other day a new friend of mine, an uninitiated, spotted a photo of Mulder on the cover of one of my XF videotapes. She promptly asked whether he was in all the shows. I said: "Well, yes, he is the second lead." She retorted: "Oh, I might just have to start watching this show, in this case."
Now I am confused. Should I pounce on this opening, bait her with promises of many more pictures of this admittedly quite attractive man (if necessary, even in black boxers and/or red Speedos), get her addicted to the show and then, sneakily but oh-so-persuasively infiltrate into her mind the fact that it is actually all about St. Scully (on the show, I mean)? Is this woman possibly a future Scullyist? Or am I, in my OBSSEsedness, merely blind to the fact that she is already a hopeless case, and the only thing that could happen is that I might introduce to this world another follower of the mere mortal Mulder? Do I dare take the chance? Please advise.
Dear Sister Glasses,
Yours, dear sister, is a tricky path should you choose to accept the challenge. Yes, there is always the possibility of introducing another confused Mulderist into the world (like we need more of those), but with your expert guidance and knowledge of who it is all about (well, on the show), I think you can succeed. Remember, there is no sin in admiring the physical form of Her little sidekick. In fact, I have heard many a testimonial within our Abbey walls of sisters who started down the dark, black, black-boxered path only to, in a brilliant revelation, see that The Truth is actually that stunning, brilliant redhead without a desk. Speaking of "Revelations," this might be an episode to introduce early on to the cause as it has cute-and- pouty "you never draw my bath" Mulder in it, but it is The Blessed One's show in all her glory. By the way, you do get extra credit for your perfect "second lead" answer. Well done.
Dear Sister Autumn,
As you know, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Not long ago I wrote to you, begging your sage advice in regard to the spectral issue of PUNKtergeists. (To refresh your memory, one had appeared to me in the mall, and we were concerned at the time over the effect this would have on our dear, dear RevMa, if indeed, PUNKtergeists started lurking about the Abbey, thereby influencing the more vulnerable of the Order.) Not to worry, you said. You would simply set out a Flea!PunkFlea! bomb and all would be well again....
I'm afraid they're back. Not only have I seen the RevMa talking to the back of her cereal box at breakfast, whispering "I want to believe" when she believes no one is listening, but I could swear ... now hang on to your wimple Sister Autumn ... I could swear I overheard you say "Maybe Gillian Anderson doesn't deserve *all* the prizes" after Vespers recently.
I, for one, see this as a grave predicament and have given much thought as to how our preventive measures have failed us. Do you suppose it may have something to do with your misspelling? Do you suppose one sneaky PUNKtergeist looked at that Flea!PunkFlea! bomb and said "this doesn't apply to me - it applies to fleas only?" As you know, it pains me to point out that this could be ... well, your fault ... but it would explain things, wouldn't it?
Cheerfully and eternally helpful,
Sister Paula R
You know, you almost had me going there for a while when you were talking about the RevMa and cereal boxes (as I know how she gets), but you exposed yourself for the great fabricator you are when you tried to pawn off that little story about me as the truth. I mean to think, TO THINK, such a vile phrase would ever leave my lips is just, well, unthinkable. I mean, I am, after all, the one who has been lobbying for Gillian Anderson to win the "Soul Train Performer of the Year" award for rapping in "Extremis." Paula, Paula, Paula, when does this end? All I can say is when you want me to address your *real* problems feel free to write again, though I fear it could take up the entire column. In the meantime, I suggest if you see me coming in the Abbey it may be a good idea for you to Flee!Paula!Flee!
Dear Sister Autumn,
Oh Wondrous Wielder of the Mighty Trout, My Elder, My Hero, She who guideth me in the Luminescence of Her Blessed Pantsuitedness, please hear my tortured plea...
Forgive me, Sister Autumn, for I have sinned. For several weeks now, actually since the viewing of "Patient X," I have found myself harboring malicious feelings towards the PUNK, uhmmm, I mean valued and cherished partner of the Brilliant Blue-Eyed Blessed One. His insensitivity, his disregard, his disdain, and his disrespect for my Saint Scully are driving me towards violence. I find myself wanting to give him a sound spanking.... black silk boxers optional of course. Forgive me Sister, unlike our Angel of Abstinence, I *am* merely human ;-) I want the Old Mulder back...I need him back.
How can I learn to be more like Saint Scully who is All Forgiving, Fiercely Devoted, and Graciously Selfless in her interactions with the jerk who would forsake Her?
Your guidance in this matter is anxiously awaited...
Yours in Saint Scully,
I was with you right up until the violence part, and then you just careened off into a whole different area didn't you? Actually, believe it or not, your letter has helped me to understand a few things a little better. You see, not being an aficionado of the whole black boxer Mulder thing (unlike certain OBSSE leaders who shall remain nameless), I never could understand exactly why the tape of "Fire" was always needing to be replaced. Now I see that you all just want to spank Mulder (for some reason, I always heard this as "boink" before - damn hearing). Now I am wondering if the use of S&M as an abbreviation really isn't about Scully and Mulder at all.
Anyway, back to your letter. Q: Why does Scully put up with Mulder in all his punkdom? A: She's a saint. We, however, are not (though I'm sure I'm pretty damn close). So, there is nothing wrong with recognizing the transgressions performed against The Blessed One by her little helper. After all, her capacity to continue to forgive him (Perhaps she is spanking him too, and we just don't see that like other crucial scenes.) is one of the reasons we love her so.
Dear Sister Autumn,
Like every other intelligent being on Earth and elsewhere, I anxiously await The Movie. One thing concerns me. As a self- titled, yet devoted Angster/Sub-Shipper, I have a tendency to get a little bit out of hand when something momentous happens between Touching!MooseAndSquirrel. My Sunday nights usually include being locked alone in my room, at times jumping on the bed, all the while squealing. Now I don't want you to think of this as a typical "You are just ashamed of being OBSSEd" letter, because it's not. I'm considering mailing my little brother to Fest in a shoebox to pick me up a T-shirt, but I can't afford postage. I'm just afraid that The "Almost-Kiss/Maybe-Not/Really-Probably-Is" scene will cause my arms to casually flail out and will force some poor old man into asphyxiating his Jujubees. What can be done to get over my fear of travelling to a movie theater?
For some reason I feel as if I am addressing a radio station. What did I win?
You know, just when I thought I understood all the various factions of Philedom, I get your letter. Now all I can think is, "What the hell is a sub-shipper?" Does it have something to do with all that jumping and squealing (which quite frankly disturbs me on several levels)? Is this some lower level of shippers for those who can't control their faculties? And just how does angst fit into all of this (except on behalf of the other theatre patrons at your antics)? Also, is there something significant in the fact you mentioned JujuBEES? Anyway, if this is going to be your reaction to the movie, you should be afraid of going to the theatre. I know I'm frightened at the prospect. Maybe you should wait for the video.
Sister Autumn I am disillusioned!
I was so delighted to see that my response to last month's poll made it into the newsletter that I quickly went to this month's poll to see if TBO would provide me with any holy inspiration again ...
... only to find that the Order is tempting me to regard TBO in a most un-saintly manner. Offering me control of the Holy Remission Chip. Asking me where I would send St. Scully. Noting that she could use some fun.
This poll seems designed to torment the Brothers, foster impure thoughts, and fill your mailbox.
These are difficult times for the Brothers. A recent interview with the portrayer of TBO implies that St. Scully may appear in the movie in an apparition not consistent with Her normal saintly image. I have had difficulty concentrating ever since reading this. The Brothers are in sore need of guidance through this difficult period, and this poll could not have come at a worse time.
Can you offer any advice other than a cold shower?
This was not all a conspiracy to get people to write to me or to cause
all the Brothers to moan in supplication. It is important that you remember
the poll is for where you want to send St. Scully, not how you want St.
Scully to send you! Alas though, many of our Brothers (and some Sisters)
do harbor the occasional less than pure thought concerning She of the Wet
Leg Kick (which did not help matters either). As for a solution to this
particular predicament, all I can say is if you find one, let me know.
On the other hand .. uh .. I mean .. on second thought, don't. I've had
worse problems. Now where is my "Chinga" tape?
by Sister Paula R.
Last month we pondered the mysterious powers of the Holy Remission Chip and asked readers where they would send St. Scully if they were behind the "controls." Not surprisingly, the general concensus was to transport The Blessed One to Austin, Texas, where she might uh ... commune deeply... with the Brethren and Sistren of the Order at the OBSSE Fest. Other than that favored venue, here are a few of the poll results:
"...a cruise ship. I can see it now. She's all set on her deck chair, Scullyrita on the one hand, a little light reading on the other (no monographs on vacation). She's just settling her beach towel when her cell phone rings...laughing, she turns it off"
"Well, she never really did get that vacation she tried to take in Chinga, so I'd definitely take her someplace fun, but also quiet. I think I'd summon her to her very own private hotel suite with room service and everything else a girl could possibly want, including a Punk-proof phone. :-)"
"Her family reunion, so we can see who else she is related to, and see how they are all involved in the conspiracy."
"Sunny San Diego, my brethren! Now that the worst of El Nino is past, St. Scully should be summarily summoned to balmy days under a blue umbrella and a good layer of SPF 45 AND long candlelit dinners at Croce's jazz bar with Detective Kresge :) Take that, Punk!"
"A Jimmy Buffett concert complete with outrageous tail gate party, dancing naked in a parking lot full of drunk, aloha shirted individuals. I'd get her on stage to sing backup for Buffett on Margaritaville (although sadly, due to her inability to sing, the mic would be off)."
"Woodstock, a couple of years back...."
"An Easter (woops, that's finished ...), Victoria Day (woops, that's a Canadian holiday in May), er ... Oh hell, I'd summon TBO to a *long* weekend in Ze veree romantique Paree for some serious undercover work with Det. Kresge."
"You know what I'm going to say....She suddenly wakes up in a strange bed, wearing nothing but...well, there aren't any nylons present. Then Det. Kresge comes in with a smile and some blueberry bagels & lite cream cheese. :)"
"Ireland for a six-month, all expenses paid vacation. She would spend the time touring, doing geneology research or whatever else she cared for. Naturally, she wouldn't tell the PUNK where she was going this time any more than she did last time. Athough to prevent him from going hysterical and causing trouble, she would leave him a short note: "Mulder--I'm fine. Be back in six months... maybe. Scully"
"Kauai... land of peaceful relaxation, and hopefully no demon dolls, no PUNKS who ditch her, no cell phones, no cloned daughters, no weird mutants who wants only bits of her and can't appreciate the whole, wonderful, scientifically-oriented package...nothing but a restful 5 days with free Scullyritas. Billed to Mulder's expense account, thank you very much. (:"
"Skinner's apartment for a little...debriefing."
"Mulder's apartment, where the phrase, "Keep going, FBI woman" would take on a whole new meaning."
Sister Kara <Zod>:
"If the remission chip remote control were to land in my hands, St. Scully would find herself unexpectedly drawn to Disney World...thereby sparking a Fox/Disney legal hoopla, which The Disney Corp. would win. The aftershocks : X-Files, now filmed in Bueña Vista, Florida...Scully, now head of FBI...Mulder, FBI Speedo-clad Janitor."
"A cruise aboard the Love Boat: The Next Wave. Not only could St. Scully investigate the mystery that is the reincarnation of this show, but she could also get a tan, drink Scullyritas with the ship's bartender, and partake of the lovely spa and massage parlor on board (to work out all the kinks from working with Mulder). True to The Love Boat's format, St. Scully would indeed find love on board-- more specifically, in Stateroom 1013."
"I would summon St. Scully to this little coffee shop on University and 4th where she would be inexplicably driven to order grande mochas with extra whipped cream and those little pastry things with the dark chocolate inside, you know, the real flaky thingies? Anyway, she would drink mochas for hours and would constantly be forced to make goo goo eyes at the cute waiter, the blonde one with the dimple in his chin. The chip would not allow her to leave until she woke up dazed and confused but extremely relaxed with dimple boy serving her breakfast."
"Ed Jerse's cell...I just hate unfinished...ahem...business. ;-)"
What the HELL is she thinking???
by Sister Paula R.
Last month Fox aired the movie trailer where in one eye-catching scene it appeared as though Scully and Mulder might ... actually ... kiss, causing VCRs everywhere to stop and rewind in unison. Servers across the U.S. lagged under the traffic of X-Philers scurrying to post to ATX endless threads such as "That Damn Kiss!"
Is this carefully constructed scene merely a disguised lead-in to an
oh-so-exciting BEE STING? (Let us hope NOT.) However, we won't know the
true outcome until June 19 (and even then, we can probably come up with
something better), and that leaves us with time on our hands! We can assume
from this screen capture that Scully has SOMETHING on her mind, and it
isn't a fear of bees. What is The Blessed One thinking? Fill in the thought
bubble for this month's poll -- and as you can see, "Hoo Boy" has been
Since we are starting the long summer and all counting the days down to June 19th, I thought I'd be kind and throw out a few more recommendations than usual this month to help you get through the long, torturous countdown. I've tried to find something for everyone, so we have fantasy, humor, adventure, horror, and romance. Enjoy the summer! If you have fanfic pick suggestions, email them to me at email@example.com.
Jennifer Lyon and Suzanne Bickerstaffe
My first selection is a tale that started out years ago and is actually one of the stories that got me hooked on fanfic. For those of you who like a good loonnnnng read, this trilogy is for you. Imagine, if you will, the X-Files universe turned on its ear as Mulder and Scully are somehow transported into a Tolkienesque universe complete with Scully: Warrior Princess whipping around a sword. The first part is still my favorite, but the entire series is worth a read (and rumor has it part 4 is in the works). So, sit back, relax, and enjoy "The Magician".
This quirky story takes the approach of "what if" Mulder did shoot himself in "Gethsemane" and then the aliens came. This author has not written many stories, but I think that you will find "Contact Ironic" to be an entertaining take on Scully's view of actual contact.
Erin Livingstone: "Dance of a Lifetime"
Erin Livingstone "Dance of a Lifetime" is a story about Scully dealing with the conflict she's been experiencing working with Mulder (especially after he tells her, "It's not like your being there will make a difference" in regards to a case). It's got action, some nice character insight, and more than a bit of UST. All her stories can be found on her web page.
Edward "Red" Burke aka XFBandit
I don't know where this guy came from, but for those of you who enjoy
a good Scully/Mulder romance, this author is a gem. He's literally burst
on the scene lately and is amazingly prolific. There isn't a website that
I know of *yet* that features his work, so you'll have to venture over
to Gossamer for it. I'm especially
fond of "Java
Jive" that deals with a stake out and the emotional aftermath. I think
you'll also enjoy "Night
Eyes" that uses the perspective of a man that has Scully under surveillance
for a third party interpretation of Scully and her "nutjob" partner. And
if you want a little more...try "More"
where Mulder and Scully decide they want more too. Editor's Note: We
found a web site! All 15 XFBANDIT stories can be found in "X-tensions of
My Mind" at http://welcome.to/X-ploringACreek@Gretensgarde.
Thomas Ligotti and Brandon Trenz
This one is simply amazing. It's in screenplay format and co-written by an award-winning short story horror author (Ligotti). It is one of the creepiest things I've read in the X-Files fanfic realm and one I would absolutely have loved to have seen as an episode. I think you will all agree with me that "Crampton" is an original, compelling, bone-chilling X-File. If you are interested in other work by this Ligotti, check out this web page.
Tim is fairly new to the fanfic scene and has quickly made a name for
himself with well-written adventure and romance stories with the angst
laid on thick. In "Error
in Judgement" Scully confronts a CancerMan who has clearly underestimated
her. In "Annual
Review", the first of a series of stories called The Ragnarok Cycle,
a fed up Skinner orders Mulder and Scully into therapy as a way to hopefully
cure their constant sniping. If you like this one, read the rest of the
series. Tim's style and writing continue to improve, and much angst awaits.
New Sisters and Brothers!
by Sister Lens-of-Science
Every month, we spotlight a few recent additions to our OBSSE family. Welcome Sisters and Brothers to what we lovingly call, Scullymania!
"I would make a good candidate for the OBSSE, because I knew long before I found the OBSSE web site that GA was truly a saint. No other person on TV is as dynamic, powerful, or as good a role-model as Scully.... And she does it all in heels...."
"I have cut my hair like hers, dyed it red, bought neutral pantsuits, and frequently dream about her (as weird as it sounds). I almost always have a Scully quote to throw in a conversation and don't feel like I've had a good week unless I've seen her on a new episode."
Jen C confesses:
"Please don't take my failure to apply for admission (before now) as a sign of insufficient devotion to the Sainted One. I have been a loyal and avid devotee for years. I am in constant awe of the Blessed One, and I continually find myself focusing on her brilliant explanations and composure to the exclusion of the other guy (can't remember his name)...."
"She rocks!! I think Scully is one of the most interesting and exciting characters on TV right now, not to mention strong, funny and a great role model."
"I have visited your web page frequently as a means of renewing my faith during the long and torturous months leading up to Redux, and in order to learn more about The Saint and Her teachings."
FBI Woman states:
"I have long followed the teachings of the Sainted One, collected and cherished all Scullyisms and, above all, have absolutely no life."
Myrna Jo muses:
"When I saw the virtual Saint Scully in Killswitch kick virtual bimbo!nurse butt and then get rough with Mulder ... well, I knew right then and there that this was the type of saint we need more of. I anxiously await the opportunity to take my vows."
by Sister Autumn
Hang onto your hats because "Gillian Anderson Awareness Month" is in full swing. Not only has The Earthly Incarnation made recent stops at the NY Expo, the Cannes Film Festival, and even a gaming convention to promote the new XF game (always the team player this woman), but she's about to go into movie publicity overdrive. In addition to the many magazine covers and mentions you'll be seeing, keep your eyes peeled for the following TV appearances (subject to change - I suggest you bookmark CJ's TV site for all the latest): The Tonight Show - June 10th, The Today Show - June 12th, Magic Johnson's talk show - June 12th, Rosie - June 15th, and the MTV movie special June 17th. She's also slated to appear on Letterman the week the movie opens, and I'm sure other appearances will pop up as well for both her and the other guy.
In the "other projects" category, screenings of "The Mighty," which is, by the way, getting rave reviews, are showing up at film festivals around the country in anticipation of its October 30th release date. Gillian also informed those in attendance at the NY Expo that her role in "Dancing About Architecture" is that of a commercial director.
The movie soundtracks (yes plural) should be out as you are reading this. On the Snow soundtrack there are few interesting titles, including one that appears to go with that, um, interesting moment in the trailer called "Stung Kissing." Oh well. Unfortunately there is not a track called "Scully Kicks Ass."
Finally, for those of us unable to attend the X-Files movie premiere
in Los Angeles on June 11th, we can still watch some of the events via
our modems. Rough Cut is hosting
a "Virtual Premiere" that promises to give us the opportunity to post questions
directly to the stars in real-time using streaming audio and video and
an interactive live chat direct from Hollywood.
Compiled by Sister Lens-of-Science
Sound of Marita
(or "How do you solve a plot point?")
by Stacey O., aka CleverGrrl
How do you solve a plot point like Marita?
How do you get a name like InfoBabe?
How do you find a word that means Marita?
A Uniblonder? A blond seductress... a Clown??
Many a thing that WMM'd like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand!
Like how do you make her pay
For kissing Ratboy... oy, vey!
How do you give Blond One a reprimand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Marita?
Why the-e hell is Laurie Holden so... daaaamn... bland!!!
by Sister Kara (aka Zod)
In a couple of weeks, the OBSSE will hold its first ever OBSSEsed Fest. Fifty of our nearly 800 members--most of whom have never met before-- will come together in Austin, Texas, to eat, play, laugh, and of course, watch the XF movie. And many more OBSSE members are gathering in spots around the country as well as virtually on the OBSSE chat channel. In honor of these real life and virtual OBSSE Fests, our very own Sister Jez/Meg/Janet/Whomever, has written a special Fest anthem. Have fun at Fest, ya'll, wherever your Fest may be!
That's all for this month, folks! Special thanks
go to our Elder of the Newsletter Sister Paula R. for putting this issue
together and to Sister La..Dee..Da.. for all of her fine graphic work.
See you at the movies! Copyright 1998, Nancy Cotton/OBSSE