by sister sandy

The origins of these musings lie, surprisingly, not in Fest '00, but in the NYC May 2000 Scullython. It was on that fateful day that the otherwise infallible La.. first shared her frightening idea that I should say, out loud, "I'm a medical doctor," anytime I walked into the Scullython room.

It turns out I had worked an overnight shift Scullython Eve, and in fact was still in my scrubs setting up the AV equipment while the early-bird arrivals were gathering -- so that may have contributed to La..'s inexplicable thought. Who knows? Luckily, the few remaining working neurons fired and I was quickly able to make some lame excuse about being too tired to participate in this little exercise. 

Off the hook, or so I truly believed.


A few weeks later, what should appear in my mailbox but an OBSSE message from a second otherwise ('til that point) respectable elder resurrecting the idea of my loudly proclaiming "I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR!" anytime I walked into a Fest-gathering.  Why did I harbor such a resistance to this idea?

Two reasons, mainly.  One, in RL, no M.D. would walk into a patient's room, trauma bay, O.R. suite, and announce "I'm a medical doctor." Even when happening onto a roadside/city out-of-hospital emergency, we may still behave like our beloved Dr. Bossypants, but we'd  take control of the situation by saying: "I'm a doctor (or I'm Doctor So-and-So); let me help..."  Two, in spite of my now, ahem, rather high-profile in the Abbey, I like to think I'm a low-key person, and attracting attention to my entrances clearly flusters me.

The on-line messages regarding my making this announcement eventually ceased, and I hoped that I'd be spared any further attention at Fest.


I arrived at the Fest compound in a rental car driven by Ptero, and my overwhelming excitement at meeting all of the elders in RL, coupled with the disorientation caused by the sudden whistles (announcing the arrival of yet another 'FEST VIRGIN') were suddenly tempered by a third elder's (Lens) request that I replay the entrance into the welcoming hall with the now infamous utterance.  And so it went ... everywhere I turned up, including prior to the start of the talent show skit I participated in, I was flooded with the same request. And in addition, demanding wenches that they are, the elders also wanted me to "flash I.D."  anytime I walked into a gathering and said "I'm a..."

On the last day of Fest, I walked around the compound with my official "Fest'00 Camp Scully Guide and Hymn Book," trying to get as many of my sibs/brethren to sign/write a few words, as I could.  Wouldn't you guess that, in nearly every case, my pals managed to refer to the "I'M A MEDICAL DOCTOR" pronouncements? Go figure....

So I am now resigned to my fate: for the amusement of the elders (yes, 'tis true: "it is all about the elders"), I am prepared to forgo personal dignity and walk into any Fest'01 Beaver Redux gathering and say, out loud, with conviction, and flashing my I.D. badge:


That is, until the next MD-to-be joins the fray.

And, because I cannot resist, I'd like to provide a Fest Medical Bulletin:

Not surprisingly, there were no major injuries reported, nor any serious medical emergencies, during the three days of Fest.  The most frequently reported complaints were tick bites, especially by the OBSSE Bay Area+ contingent (Kiss, Naomi, Aspen, Cheezstk, Joanne, Pam Sweeney, Brother Mike), after their ill-advised hike in the thick underbrush of a Minnesota state park.  In spite of the group, at a distance, appearing to be enveloped in a thick, dark cloud (the anti-bug spray), most of these hikers managed to return to the compound with new-found body squatters -- lots and lots of ticks.  Luckily, these ticks were promptly and efficiently removed, and no further sequelae are expected.

Respectfully submitted,
sandy s., M.D, Ph.D.


House of Mirth News

While amazingly there is still no U.S. release date for Gillian's latest film "House of Mirth" that has not stopped it from getting rave reviews from those who have been lucky enough to see it. Many are calling her performance a "breakthrough" and "Oscar worthy." In fact I've yet to read a review that did not praise her performance. Let's just hope it finds a distributor in time for Oscar contention. It is set to go into release in the UK on October 13th and will make a U.S. premiere at the NY Film Festival on September 23rd and 24th. 

The OBSSE Makes Gillian's Press Release

Seems the standard issue press release that Gillian's folks send out these days along with the standard Emmy winner blah blah, neatest thing since sliced bread blah blah makes a mention of our organization. Well almost. She forgot the "Blessed" but considering who it is we'll cut the lady some slack. Part of the release reads "She has many fan clubs on the Internet, including the 'Gillian Anderson Testosterone Brigade' and 'The Order of St. Scully the Enigmatic.' "

Emmy Nominations

The Emmy nominations were announced and the X-Files was shut out of all major categories, perhaps indicating that the Emmy voters consider the show's time to be up. Popular opinion here in the Abbey though was that Gillian might be able to snag a nod for her work in all things, but as the past season was not as Scully focused it was a long shot. X-Files still managed 6 nominations. And yes, you are not the only one scared to see First Person Shooter nominated for anything - at least it wasn't Fight Club. You can watch the Emmys on ABC September 10th.

The Show's nominations were as follows:

Theef :  Cheri Montesanto Medcalf, Head Makeup Artist; Kevin Westmore, LaVerne Basham, Gregory Funk, Cindy Williams, Makeup Artists

(Dramatic Underscore)  Theef : Mark Snow, Composer

First Person Shooter : Thierry J. Couturier, Sound Supervisor; Cecilia Perna, Sound Effects Editor; Debby Ruby-Winsberg, Donna Beltz, Jay Levine, Ken Gladden, Mike Kimball, Stuart Calderon, Susan Welsh, Sound Editors; Jeff Charbonneau, Music Editor; Mike Salvetta, Sharon Michaels, Foley Artists

First Person Shooter : Steve Cantamessa, Production Mixer; David J. West, Harry Andronis, Ray O'Reilly, Re-Recording Mixers

First Person Shooter : Bill Millar, Visual Effects Producer; Deena Burkett, Visual Effects Supervisor; Monique Klauer, Visual Effects Coordinator; Don Greenberg, Jeff  Zaman, Steve Scott, Steve Strassburger, Visual Effects Compositors; Cory Strassburger, Visual Effects Animator

Rush : Bill Millar, Visual Effects Producer; Deena Burkett, Visual Effects Supervisor; Monique Klauer, Visual Effects Coordinators; Don Greenberg, Visual Effects Compositor

The Show Must Go On. And On. And On.

In really scary news it was learned that Gillian Anderson signed some sort of contract that in some way obligates her to do something for a ninth season should X-Files be once again denied the option of dying a dignified death. Details of the contract are unknown, but here's hoping the obligation is not long term or concrete. 

The recent big news for this season was not the constantly changing information as to just how many episodes Duchovny will actually appear in and whether they will be more than him running around in a silly hat for five seconds to earn his significantly increased paycheck, but rather what is going on behind the scenes to fill in the cast. Fans of Mitch Pileggi should be very happy with his increased presence this season. From what I can see we'll be having a lot more Skinner than usual this season. Additionally Robert Patrick (apparently best know for Terminator 2) has joined the cast. All I can say is that after seeing him on The Sopranos last season this guy can act. Hopefully he'll be given a more interesting part than Chris Carter's last little experiment Spender.

Lone Gunmen - One More Try for 1013

FOX also announced that The Lone Gunmen series would be a mid season replacement. While Carter did not have a hand in either creating the show's characters or writing the pilot episode (which was a John Gilnitz effort), that is not stopping him from taking an Executive Producer credit for the show. Imagine that. Frankly, while I like these characters, I really wonder if this is going to be the hit FOX is looking for. I just hope that by the time this show airs the writing staff has some clear ideas on how to guide the series.

Rob Bowman Spreads His Wings

Next up for regular X-Files Director Rob Bowman is the post-apocalypticaction movie Reign of Fire which has something to do with dragons controlling the earth. It's likely his duties will keep him from participating much in this season, but you never know.

Season 2 DVDs

linkFor those of use enjoying the first season DVD release the second season is not far behind. Set to hit the stands in November you should check your usual online haunts to preorder this set at a discount. See that second season beige CHarc in all its digital glory. Revel at the detail of every curling iron flip. You won't be sorry.

In Memory

The OBSSE would like to take this opportunity to offer our deepest sympathies to the family, friends, and colleagues of Jim Engh who lost his life in a set accident this year as well as the other six X-Files crew members who were injured.

Season 8 Schedule

With The X-Files starting shooting in late July the first information about the new season is starting to surface. Those of you interested in some of the first spoilers can find that information on Haven. So far the schedule is shaping up as follows:

11/5    8X01 - Untitled (Part 1 of 2)
          Writer: Chris Carter / Director: Kim Manners
11/12  8X02 - Untitled (Part 2 of 2)
          Writer: Chris Carter / Director: Kim Manners
11/19  8X03 - Redrum
          Writer: Steve Maeda Story By: Steve Maeda & Daniel Arkin 
          / Director: Peter Markle
11/26  8X04 - Untitled
          Written & Directed By: Chris Carter



FIALKA: Here's my Fest Highlight -- Meredith bringing the Saturday night party to a standstill with her rendition of 'Mary' -- and all of us singing along. Who could imagine that such a melancholy song will now be backing my mental video of Fowleycatfights, Mandy in the bra, seeing Autumn do a real-live trouting, jumping on Glasses at arrival, all the cigarettes with Anji, making (and drinking) endless Ritas, Ptero dancing on the fireplace and all those wonderful faces flashing by, laughing in collage. Thanks, Meredith. 

JENNA: Bless whoever came up with the campfire sing a long and s'mores event. I haven't had s'mores in years. Oh, fer childhood memories then. 

Finally getting to meet BorisAnne after two (or is it three?) years of on-line friendship. It's very strange to meet someone that you know more about that most of your friends. She's ever bit as wonderful in real life (and ever as much of a speed demon!).

Having a great time renting boats from Walleye Dundee's (what the hell kind of name is that?) with a wonderful group of people, and getting rowing lessons from Kat, Scully Camp Counselor, whilst the prancy girls in the motorboat (*cough* Boris *cough*) left us in their wake, and then comparing our wet asses upon our return. You haven't lived until you've screamed "You're wrong haired and prancy!" across a lake.

Packing the condo full of dancing, partying, hugging, talking, laughing people on the last night. Too much fun.

The wonderful experience of watching Brother Mike perform the entire Rocky Horror Show - standing up the whole time. Afterwards, he sat down on the couch - and promptly fell asleep sitting up, poor guy. He also made us all get up and dance the "Time Warp". A good time was had by all.

Getting up the courage to perform in the talent show, and actually getting laughter and applause! Oh, fer well I never!

Watching some truly hilarious acts perform - the Scully and Fowley "meow" duet, the white shirt, Reade and Lens's "Bald Headed Men", Bryn's incredible send up of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" as she slinked around Autumn - how long must she have practiced for that? - and who knew we were such a talented bunch of improv types? I'm so impressed with my sibliren.

The beautiful sunsets that just went on...and on...and on...10 pm and there was still light in the sky...the amazing mist that would rise out of the green fields at Scary MN girls are lucky to live in such a beautiful place.

Just getting to spend time with old friends and getting to know new ones - what a hilarious, fun, cute, sweet bunch of people.

And of course - "Give me big boobs! Give me a big hoo hoo! Make me cool like the Fonz!"

I miss all of you, and I can't wait for next year!

MARIE: Cherish said that the OBSSE did not get one complaint from our stay.  I think we all deserved this clean record, but there was this one time where we could have come close if we were anywhere else but Isle, Minnesota...

After picking up a flashlight from the condo, I headed back to the rosy glow and laughter of the bonfire circle.  Two figures were also moving that way from the hotel.  The boy was skipping with what looked like excitement at getting to check out roasting marshmallows and campfire songs.  The adult, with hands in pockets, ambled after his young charge.

Just before the boy hit the wall of legs, he stopped abruptly.  I wondered why he didn't go around to the more open spaces on the other side when I heard, "Are you Luis F***ing Cardinal?!"

Yup.  Adrianne and Tammy were reenacting the famous "Confrontation"--Rosie Perez style.  (Adrianne was Scully, and Tammy was Luis Cardinal.)  Panicking a bit but not wanting to upset the situation, I finished the 5 steps or so to what I assumed was the grandfather.  The following is a faithful account of what essentially happened.

"So, just checking us out?"

"Are you Luis F***ing Cardinal?!"

"Yeah, I thought we'd come see what was going on."

(Head down, kicking at stones, pretending nothing's wrong)

"Are you the man who f***ing shot my sister?!"

"Um, there may be some language not suitable for kids."

(Kinda confused, starting to spin in place a bit)

"You f***ing shot my sister!"

"Yup.  I was starting to notice that.  Come on, Timmy (may not have been his real name)."

And off they went.  The grandfather strolled them away just as slowly as he had first arrived.  With a gentle hand placed upon the boy's head, he wasn't going to let us upset his pace of life I guess.

All this was carried out with the calm and nonchalant matter-of-factness that seems to be native to the state. Absolutely no eye contact was made at any time.  To do the scene justice, go back up and reread the Grandfather's lines at half the speed and at half the volume that you used the first time through.

I was left thinking, "only in Minnesota."

NAOMI: I've never had so much trouble answering the simple question "What is your  name?"  Am I supposed to respond with my real name?  My Abbey name?  What  happens when the people who only know me by one meet the people who only know  me by the other?

Scully may have the coolest shoes, but Meredith gives her a run for her  money, so to speak.

Well I thought a hike was a good idea... I guess that middle of the night  rain should have clued me in to the idea that there might be mud. Still, I'm  very proud of the fact that even though we came back muddy and covered in ticks, we were all smiling and having a good time. Except the one of us who is phobic about ticks, of course, but you can't have everything. <g>

BRYN: I was standing next to the Camp Scully Canteen at the end of Talent Night.  Autumn was preparing to announce Hooter of the Day.  As soon as she mentioned she once had a favored Fest'99 minion, Mandy, who was sitting a foot away from me, put her hands over her face and slid under the table without a very small squeak.  It was freaky.  I mean, I should've known after her quick escape in the Scully Handcuff Trick that she was a contortionist, but she was gone like THAT.

MARIE: As many of you know, security for the Presentation of the Cheeses was at an amazing level during Fest.  Even Autumn was banned from the kitchen until...ok, until she reminded us that she was Autumn.  But she still had to carry a cracker.

While I will not reveal many of the behind the scene secrets to the making of this extravaganza, (unless you ask me) I will take one for the team and offer this brief glimpse into the mysterious world of those who pay way too much attention to food.

The main players:  Beer--specialty grocery boutique mistress extraordinaire Gen--gourmet quality of life aestheticist supreme  Marie--"I take home other people's leftovers"

Do you feel bad that we may have taken it too far?  Do you worry that we finally went over the top on an in-joke?  Let me put your fears to rest. All during the prepping of this thing, I felt like I was in the middle of a The Learning Channel documentary.

And the difference between whey cheese and 
curd cheese is...

I was trying to get people to sign my petition to 
repeal the ban on live bacteria cheese...

Um, the black and green olives are supposed
to be mixed right?

Sonoma dry jack developed in the States after...

I think I'm in love.
(after the first bite of those tomatoes)

These would totally freak Cherish out. 
(She has tomato issues.)

I was going to get thrown off the island for wondering whether the leftover cheese shavings might go into the trash.  You think the public event was the main manifestation of obsession?  Not even close.

TWEE: On Friday, some people started walking around with bumper stickers on their butts. One of those people was Nanners, so during the first Rocky Horror Prancer Show practice, I asked, "What's up with the bumper sticker on your ass?" To which she answered, "You're a liar." I was quite perplexed. That is, until I saw what was written on the sticker: Admit Nothing. Deny Everything. Make Counter Accusations.

Doesn't that make you laugh? It made me laugh. :)

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Fest '00:
Where Scully is OT

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TAMMY:  I believe it was the second to the last morning at Fest and a good group had gathered at Ozzie's for breakfast. (Imagine that?) CathyS, Shannon/Bruce and myself were a little late to the shindig and as we were walking into the room dear Nanners had the full attention of the entire group telling a little funny on me. As I was walking into the room I caught the last part of what she was saying: "And, Tammy thought Autumn said: '... the presentation of the Jesus!'" And, right on cue I walk in and the whole room shouts and starts laughing because it was like Nanners was caught saying that or something. ........ I never have seen somebody's face get that particular shade of red before. LOL! *That* is one of my most memorable moments at Fest!

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Fest '00:
What an outing!

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READE: At Fest I learned that while it might be funny, you should never ever stuff more than say 5 proztacs in your mouth.  You will eventually have to swallow them.  And not surprisingly beer doesn't taste great when you have overly minty breath.

At Fest I learned that I really didn't need to sleep.  Much.  Those little bouts of lucid dreaming that occur can be very refreshing.

At Fest I learned that while getting tattooed is fun...getting tattooed with 20 people watching is even more fun.  It's yet even more entertaining when you know there are pictures being taken, and that people are waiting for you to make Never Again type faces.  Thank god for endorphins.

At Fest I learned that I like golf.  Now this might not seem like much but for the last ummmm ALL MY LIFE, I have avoided this sport like the plague (notice that doesn't say plaque Lensie).  I mean, I have spent some quality time mocking people who played the sport.  To learn that I actually liked it, and that I now want to play MORE is enough to send me back into therapy.  Oh, who am I kidding?...its not like I left therapy.

And finally, at Fest I learned that you can gather together a group of people from different countries and different backgrounds, toss them into a contained area (the addition of tequila is optional) and have the best damn time imaginable.  If I win the lottery, I'm building an Abbey, I swear.

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Fest '00:
It's no longer a twirl...
it's a freaking black
boxer flash dance

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CATHY S: A few thoughts from a 3-time FESTer:

Again, I was in awe of this great group of people who have all found each other.  Every year, there are just more and more fabulously wonderful hilarious people to meet.  Some of you are truly dear old friends now.  I really cannot find the words to tell you all how special you are to me.

I got the privilege again of helping in a very minor way on the annual Sacred St. Scully Video.  It is really a treat to see this get put together by the master.  Tammy--you amaze me!

Thank all of you who laughed at/with me during "St. Scully CHarc Review 2000" at the Talent Show.  Usually, when I get up in front of people and talk, I start out with "May it please the Court . . ." and my co-counsel is not wearing a yellow Muppet wig, so this was going out a bit on a limb for me.  I do have a little story: during rehearsal, I kept saying "pantyhose"
instead of "pajamas" and was in terror that I would do it again during the real thing.  Thankfully, I didn't (did I??).  Damn that Ted Danson!

Who knew Mille Lacs was the barbecued ribs capital of the world?

Ozzie's:  Hash browns big enough to choke a horse with leeches conveniently located next door.

A special "shout-out" to Nurse BossyPants Patout.  I don't know what I'd do without your photos.  I get too involved in things and forget to take my own.  The fact that the photo page was up before the sun set the day after FEST boggles the mind.

As someone who has seen Beer's permanent cheese display at her store in Raleigh, let me just say that the fabulous touring version only scratches the surface.  Everyone must make the pilgrimage.

The Abbey law firm has expanded.  Rania is our new clerk.  We are grooming her to be the first belly-dancing Supreme Court Justice, although the confirmation hearings may be a little tough.

MN Girls.  You rock!  Each and every one of you.  The devil is in the details and you had it covered from the "Die Bug Die" in the Fest packs to the Scully-themed candles on the tables at Eddy's.  And I'll never travel again without my "Dr. BossyPants Emergency First Aid Kit."

To my roommates Shannon, Tammy and Nanners in the two adjoining hotel rooms we dubbed simply "Go":  thanks for putting up with me again and making this the best Fest yet.

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Fest '00:
Ask me about the
little green tickets

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MICHELE (AKA GRIOT): I got to experience fest for the first time last year and it was the best experience of my life!  I hope this year, I was able to help some of the newbies have that same, life-changing experience. So much goes on at fest, you can't possibly be involved in all of it. I did not get to experience the story chair, or Timmeh, or the fireplace dancing. But I got the 'For the love of Scully and all that is holy!' story, rehearsals for 'The Engagement' and hours getting to know better people I wish I could see every day of the week. Four days just isn't enough!

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Fest '00:
Where every night
is rib night

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LENSIE: Nanners and Lensie were determined to go for the win in the costume contest. Between trying to find any way of breaking down the entries into categories (theirs, and everybody else's, respectively), plotting to illegally sneak a
peek at Aderyn's entry, calling in Lauren as a creative consultant at the last minute (her advice: "mock Kirby and Cherish's little Jiffy Pop accident"), shamelessly pandering to the judges (sending minions over to stroll by the deciding judges while casually mentioning in passing how personally meaningful the Jiffy Pop panorama was to them), and by playing the emotional card ("If they don't win, Nanners is going to cry.  Really."), they managed to scrape by with third place.

Had the minions had drinks with them, everything could have been different.

Also... Pteropod:  The 'P' is silent.  It's like, Dutch or something.

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Good night, 
you bitches of Isle...
you prima donnas of Minnesota!

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The X-Files is owned by FOX. No copyright infringement is intended. The OBSSE and News for the OBSSEsed are intended for entertainment purposes only. In other words, it's a joke folks. Thanks to all who contributed this month. All articles and columns appearing in News for the OBSSEsed are copyrighted to the authors.