the OBSSEsed - continued
Issue No. 31, January 2000
There is grand news to report this month. Our own Sister Nascent's fanfic is back up an available on the web after a too long hiatus. You can find her wonderful casefiles here complete with a new story to read called "Compass." This month I also enjoyed Dasha K.'s unique and entertaining story of a future where even lack of memory and a brave new world cannot prevent Mulder and Scully from finding each other: "Blinded By White Light."
To greet the new year how about a fic about the end of the world? This story will not be for everyone. It's dark. Really dark. But it is also very well done, and not like anything else I've read which at this point I always consider a minor miracle. Try out "Everybody Having a Good Time" in which really no one is. For pure character study about Scully's reaction to a wedding of an old friend and the road not taken "Dance Card" is an interesting and involving read. All of her fanfic can be found at this website.
After writing a few short pieces, Jerry bites the long story bullet and gives us a MSR/casefile in "The Substance of Things." In this story Scully struggles with her commitment to her faith and confusion about Mulder while working on a kidnapping case with a partner who doesn't want to fight anymore. All of her work can be found at this website.
After Christmas Tales
Some very nice holiday fanfic came out this year too late to include in the December newsletter. So, while we are still enjoying the last bit of the holiday season, allow me to make a few suggestions from authors that have been featured in this column before to warm you up this winter. First, from Annie Sewell-Jennings we have a Scully family Christmas in Colorado in "Wearing Icicles." After that, Scully catches a ride on Christmas Eve with three women who are not what they seem in the delightful "Silver Belles" by Revely. Finally, for a bit of NC-17 fun, Dasha K. and Plausible Deniability show us the wonder of the Magic 8 Ball in "After Eight."
Scully's Wardrobe, Past and Present:
Plaid and Choices
in Hosiery - Presymbolic Experimentation
The Inner Voice of Beige
Transitions in Neutrality: From
Tesos to Trevor
Denial Has a Color
Turtlenecks and the Contextualist Viewpoint
Less is More: Pervasive Minimalism
of Follicular Disorders, Therapeutic Outcomes,
Curling Irons and the Collapse of Self/Systemic
Influence of Bangs
Interchangeable Length: Trend or Transformation?
by Sister Jenn
Directions: Select the answer that suits you best.
1. Reflecting back on those periods of
my life when I felt a bit naive and
a. Wearing beige ensembles2. The first thought that comes to my mind when I see the words "curling iron" is:
a. Wait a minute. I did what..with that..thing...?3. Today I expect to do a LOT of running to solve a case and rescue my
partner. I go to my closet and pick out:
a. Black 2" running heels4. At those times when I'm feeling Kick Ass, I:
a. Blow that wisp of hair from my face5. My favorite casual wear would include:
a. A lovely v-neck button up sweaterScoring: If you chose mostly "a" answers, you have a very keen CHarc
sense. Others look to you for your wisdom and guidance. You are able to
spot wrong hairedness a mile off! Why, I bet you even have a Scully
suit hanging in your closet!!
If you chose mostly "b" answers, you have
NO CHarc sense. You are an
If you chose mostly "c" answers, I have scheduled an appointment for you to have a session with Dr. K or Dr. S. Tonin. Be sure not to leave their offices until you have been given your rx for some new meds.
O L L R E S U L T S
We asked our readers
in the last edition what they would bring as a "hostess gift" to Scully's
apartment if invited for an impromptu holiday party. Many thanks
for all the contributions! Here are a few ideas.
The big news this month, if you ask me, is the news that Gillian Anderson may very well be working on a script for the show. She's been in story meetings with the writing staff before the Christmas break which seems to indicate to me that we'll at least see a "Story By" credit for her on an upcoming episode. Seeing as though every time Gillian's made a few suggestions before we've gotten things like Never Again or the fight scene in Kill Switch, this ought to be something special.
So, here is the latest episode schedule. You know the drill by now. FOX likes to change its mind
Jan 2 - Field TripAt least we won't need to worry about a conflict of interest when Signs and Wonders airs at the same time as the Golden Globe Awards as the X-Files was completely shut out of nominations this year. Then again it is the Globes, noted more for the party and rather odd voting (Felicity anyone?) than anything else. Frankly, it's a wonder X-Files ever won at this event, but it had more about the show being hip at the time than anything else if you ask me. Keep your eyes peeled for the Screen Actor's Guild nominations out February 1st for a bit more of a realistic indicator of who has earned what.
Rumor has it that in addition to the February special show in Los Angeles, Gillian Anderson is in talks to perform a two-week stint of the Vagina Monologues in New York City this spring. Rather than sharing the stage with a multitude of other actresses, this would be a three-woman show rotating in various actresses including Ms. Anderson. We'll keep you posted here at the OBSSEwood Minute as details emerge.
According to Gillian Anderson we'll probably be waiting until this fall before we see her latest project, House of Mirth. It's scheduled to premiere at the Cannes Film Festival that runs May 10-21st and will hopefully pick up a U.S. distributor at that time.
Lastly, the new Morgan and Wong run series The Others is starting up on NBC February 5th. It looks promising from everything I've heard.
"No, Mulder, I will not star in your new exciting idea for an 'artistic video' Dana Does Disney..."
By Sister Skullhead
Many of you are aware that I reside in the country of thermometer- smashing temperatures, cartoon-character politicians and strangely deformed wildlife, otherwise known as Australia. It is less commonly known that I was in fact born in Canada, and recently spent two months there becoming acquainted with my relatives. I will never forget this experience. I know because I have tried quite hard.
During the course of my stay, I spent a week with my cousin in Ottawa. I was privileged to become acquainted with her friends, who managed to update my mental dictionary's definition of insane. At one point, one of these friends inquired what American TV shows were exported to Australia. I answered (a few good shows and lots of crap, in case you're wondering) and then I was asked an intriguing question...
"Are they dubbed in Australian?"
Once my hysterical laughter had subsided, I began to ponder the implications of this poorly informed inquiry. I soon arrived at the conclusion that a TV show dubbed in Australian would be a rather amusing novelty. The Australian language is a wonderful thing. We have interchangeable vowels and our R's turn up in the most creative places imaginable. Our teeth remain closed at all times, as do our noses in some cases. Animals receive the rough end of the stick, as everything negative is compared to wildlife in one way or another. Every word is abbreviated, and gratuitous swearing is inserted into a sentence wherever possible. That is not to say that we have a poor grasp of English. We just have a different take on it, much like Americans with their personal vendetta against the letter U.
And so, dearest sibliren, you are about to experience your cultural lesson for this year and receive an answer to the burning question, "Would Scully sound as good if she were Australian?"
Let us take a simple
example to begin with. In Deep Throat, Scully's pearl of wisdom
was "Mulder, you're crazy." Depending on the level of perceived insanity,
this sentence can have a variety of translations. A simple interpretation
would be "Mulder, you're berko." However, this is quite a poor effort when
all is considered. At the very least, the great Australian adjective (not
considered profanity over here) should be included, making Scully's comment,
"Mulder, you're bloody berko." Even this lacks colour. More creative
choices would be:
All of these expressions
would be perfectly acceptable transliterations.
Let us take another
straightforward example. In Fight the Future, Scully's
Once the simple renditions
have been mastered, one can address the more complex sentences. In Detour,
our saint let loose with a little innuendo: "I must remind you that this
goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in
the same hotel room while on assignment." This is a reasonably intricate
sentence; let us take each phrase on its own. "I must remind you" is really
an unnecessary component of the sentence, since tact has no place in the
Australian vernacular. If one really wanted to include a translation, options
I will leave you
with one last example to conclude your cultural cognizance
I regret that my conclusion is this: Australians are simply not that articulate, and Scully's sentence is lamentably untranslatable. If Scully were in fact a resident of Australia, she would simply have returned to our original prototype and remarked,
Sister Rebekah Shares
I take long baths, I dress real nice,
Sister Beth Testifies
I follow Our Lady of the Unfailingly Accurate Pistol Shot with the reverence and devotion that is her due. I view every episode through a Scullyist lens, loudly pointing out to all who will listen (and many who won't) the ways in which our saint is mistreated by the PUNK. The adornment of my working space with pictures of both Her Short Statured yet Extremely Intimidating Holiness and the Earthly Incarnation of her grace have been known to "give the wrong idea" about my sexual preferences. I dream sweet Scully dreams at night and follow her example in my daily life: I wear black for celebration as well as mourning. I respond to queries of my physical, mental, and emotional health with a pithy, "I'm fine." I take long bubble baths. I try to see the vacationary appeal of the state of Maine anytime other than mid-summer. And perhaps most telling of all, despite strong liberal, pacifist, and gun-control-is-great leanings in what I like to call my personal life, I once took a target shooting class so that I could learn what it feels like to shoot a semi-automatic pistol. It's all baby steps, but I strive to be just a little more like Scully every day.
Calm. Quick. Controlled. Classy. Surely these simple words could describe a handful of folks who fit the profile, but when you add into the equation the ability to make a person rethink his reason for living with a single eyebrow arch, the only product could be the ever-enigmatic Agent Scully. I walk the road to salvation, accepting Scully as blessed with the light of righteousness, but I am in desperate need of the confirmation of her sainthood. I have come to you for help in the completion of my total conversion. You quote Scully with, "If I can save you, let me." I know you are the disciples of her teachings, and I will gladly place my faith in your hands. I want to share the glories of her conquests, but, like Scully herself, I am in search of more evidence. I want to believe.
Sister Linda Informs
I believe I would make a wonderful
candidate for the OBSSE because I don't understand what it would be like
to go a day without studying the phrases of the Blessed One and lighting
her Black Candles (not because she's dreary or boring, never, but because
she looks so chic in it, and should surrounded by her favorite...uh...neutral
tone). Also, I constantly have dreams where the Blessed One gets
a foozball bat, whacks Mulder once or twice, and steals his desk, forces
him to do all the paperwork while she further empowers herself through
a shopping excursion for more three-inch black pumps (the Blessed One's
job is so hard on them - I think we should buy her a shoe store).
Lastly, I think that if Ally McBeal can have a dinky spin-off all about
her life and mental problems, the Blessed One should have one, also!
We should Lobby 10-13 and Fox until the Blessed One gets the attention
she deserves in her own 24 hour network of SCULLY or DR. SCULLY moments
from the X-Files. Because of this deep mental fixation with the Blessed
One and this insatiable desire to
|The X-Files is owned by FOX. No copyright infringement is intended. The OBSSE and News for the OBSSEsed are intended for entertainment purposes only. In other words, it's a joke folks. Thanks to all who contributed this month. All articles and columns appearing in News for the OBSSEsed are copyrighted to the authors.|