On February 23, the OBSSE web site and humble sanctuary will be one year old. Talk about your miracles! Who would have thought that from such irreverent and humble beginnings would emerge such a prosperous and ...uh...unique community. Yea for us!

Of course, the greater celebration has to be for our wonderfully tortured yet fictional Saint. That's right, February 23 (as any good Scullyist knows) is also St. Dana Katherine Scully's 34th birthday. Happy Birthday, Birthday Girl!!! Quite a coincidence that both The Blessed One and the OBSSE web site were born on the same day, don't you think? (Or as a wise...uh...well maybe not always wise but definitely cute Special Agent once said, "If coincidences are just coincidences than why do they feel so contrived?") We've achieved a lot in one year, and as I look back on it, it's pretty gosh darn amazing:

• Nearly 700 members gained
• An active weekly IRC chat
• An INCREDIBLY active and outrageous mailing list; and
• A first (and successful) fundraiser for NF, Inc.

Read on to find out more about the OBSSEsed Fest '98! , a birthday horoscope for St. Scully, a feature by Sister Glasses on XF in Germany, a post-Emily musing from Sister Sheryl Martin on St. Scully's inner angst, Komix by Brother Kevin, the always hilarious Ask Sister Autumn, Fan Fic Picks, and more, more, more!

Happy Birthday Sisters and Brothers, and keep the faith. ~=

Nancy (no clever sig)

OBSSEsed Fest: The Date Is Set

The Elders of the OBSSE (aka Autumn and Nancy) went back and forth over whether we had the wherewithal to pull off an OBSSE convention. Well, we still aren't sure, but whenever has that stopped us? Therefore, on June 18-June 21, the OBSSE will gather in Austin, Texas for three-and-a-half days of Scullyrific fun in our first ever, "OBSSEsed Fest."

OBSSEsed FEST '98! will be an informal gathering of OBSSE Sisters and Brothers with just one goal in mind: Fun!

For more information about the Fest and to hook up with other Sisters and Brothers who plan on attending and would like to share a room or a car, go the OBSSEsed Fest '98! web site. To attend the Fest, you'll need to register(even if you've already told me that you are coming). Registration for the Fest is $35 per person and is due by May 1 to guarantee you a spot and the all important Fest T-shirt. If any money is left over from the Fest (And boy is that a big "if!"), it will be donated to NF, Inc. in Gillian Anderson's name.

Speaking of NF, Inc....

On January 6, Michael Flamingo, president of Neurofibromatosis, Inc., emailed a "thank you" note to the OBSSE for the money they had received from our OBSSE Holiday Fundraiser. Here's what Mr. Flamingo said:

On behalf of all affected by neurofibromatosis, I want to express our sincere
appreciation to the members of OBSSE for your donations made to Neurofibromatosis,
Inc. during the 1997 Holiday Fundraiser in honor of actress, Gillian Anderson.

We thank you for your generosity and your interest in neurofibromatosis (NF) which is
shared by Gillian. Your financial and moral support of our efforts to provide service to
families affected by NF inspired us to keep on fighting for an effective treatment to
control the growth of tumors and eventually a cure for NF.

Again, thank you.

Best Wishes,
Michael Flamingo
President
Neurofibromatosis, Inc.

To Dana, On Her 34th Birthday
by Sister Nancy (no clever sig)

So what do you get the Saint who has everything?

Okay, so maybe "a life" might be nice, but seeing how difficult it is to improve the social life of a fictional character, I've come up with another plan. For St. Dana Katherine Scully's 34th birthday on February 23, 1998, I, on behalf of the OBSSE, have given her--an Astrological Birth Chart!

<ping.>

That was the noise of a straight pin dropping on the Abbey floor as all of the Sisters' and Brothers' jaws collectively dropped at the mention of such utter unScullyistic nonsense.

Astrology? A birth chart? ST. SCULLY???

Okay, okay, so it might be a stretch. But it's a reasonable enough gift, if you think about it. After all, she's not likely to buy it for herself. And somehow, given all the pressures of abductions, loved ones croaking left and right, ongoing bruises to the left temple, and not being able to have children then finding out she potentially has had thousands, well, the Blessed One is due for a break. Besides, I think she might even appreciate it (in a Clyde Bruckmanisk, "So, how do I die?" sort of way...).

Therefore, I went out to Isle of Skye on the web and had them conjure up a free (Hey, it's the thought that counts!) natal chart for one Dana Katherine Scully born February 23, 1964. Given 1013's propensity for not giving its fans all of the necessary information, I had to guess at a few of the details surrounding her birth, so the accuracy might be a bit off. (I think that might be why the chart listed her possible faults as a "tendency to be lazy and negligent and to wallow in self-pity"....oops.) Nevertheless, I think you might get a kick out of some of the more on target things the stars had to say about our Saint...

St. Dana Katherine Scully
February 23, 1964
PISCES

Sun in Pisces:
"You have great sensitivity and empathy with others, and you often sense things psychically or intuitively which prove to be correct...You sympathize with the needy, the disadvantaged, the misfits of society (Misfits? Hmm...who could that be?) You are capable of giving selflessly, living a life of devoted and compassionate service to others as a healer, physician, social worker, or minister."

Sun Conjunct Saturn:
"You have a mature and often somber demeanor. You are serious, reserved, self-disciplined, highly responsible and conscientious. Cautious and careful, it is difficult for you to really let go, to be spontaneous and playful. You like to be in control of yourself."

Sun Opposite Uranus:
"If you are following your true nature, your life is apt to be unconventional, unusual, controversial, full of insecurity and excitement."

Sun Opposite Pluto:
"Learning about power and how to use it for good is definitely part of your path. You confront abusive power, tyranny, and dominating people who will teach you about power, and eventually force you to claim your own." (Now *this* is getting creepy!)"

Sun Trine Node:
"Develop true self confidence and the willingness to put yourself "out there," to be seen and to shine. Be willing to take on a leading role, to be a hero, to be a protagonist in your own story by cultivating the courageous, active, and positive masculine qualities you possess." (I hear the sharpening of little potato peelers....)

Moon Sextile Pluto:
"You have very deep feelings and profound attachments to people you care about. Your relationship to your mother, sisters, daughters, and other females in your life is apt to be incredibly close and intense. You may be easily manipulated too, when it comes to one of these important relationships, because you're so emotionally invested in it."

  Moon Conjunct Node:
"Take all of what is good and helpful from your past and use it in a new way. (If you are so inclined, you may want to explore the potentials of past-life regression to tap into gifts you have already developed)." (Uh, I wouldn't go there....)

  Moon Sesquiquadrate Midheaven:
"You may have to overcome something in your background or personal past in order to achieve your long-range goals and ambitions. Sometimes you're apt to feel pulled in two different directions -- what others expect of you or what you need to do to progress, versus what your old conditioning or your emotional predisposition would have you do. Overcoming the pull of the past is the key. "

Saturn Trine Ascendant:
"To others, you appear capable, mature, and down to earth. Even when you were young, there was a certain practicality and responsibleness about you that inspired people to rely on you. You keep your cool in most situations." (Editor's Note: Except for that Flukeman thing. She could have lived without that. ;)

The above excerpts are Copyright (c) Oracle Science International and Cosmic Patterns

by Sister Autumn T.

Greetings, gentle flock. I trust that you have all recovered from the holiday season in time to join the Order in celebration of the Most Sacred Birthday of Our Saint. However, if a problem has given you a case of the "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To's," you know who to look to for advice. Can't quite find the right green long sleeved button up sweater for a casual occasion? I can help. Want to find better living through nose bleeds? I'm your gal. Stuck with an attractive yet annoying sidekick and you don't know whether to smooch or smack him/her? Remember, I'm here for you. Just write me at Ask Sister Autumn.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

Please! To quote our beloved Saint (in a very uncharacteristic moment), "I need your help!"

I hang my head in shame as I face a dilemma that would not even cause our Blessed One to break a nail. I write and I write and I write, yet I make no head way. I've been muddling through this piece of fanfic for ages...ages, I say (and so do my readers!). I have no problem channeling and writing for our Inspiration...our Scully; yet, the moment I am forced to confront a scene solely inhabited by the Punk One...my mind draws a complete blank!

What is happening??? Is this normal? Or am I being cursed for past sins? Perhaps I was caught staring too long at those Red Speedos? Or have I simply fallen prey to the "Punk One Droning On and On About Weird Theories Syndrome? (PODOOAWT)"

How can this wall be breached? Is there any hope?

I wait on my knees and pray for your answer!

Your Sister,
SisterMAB
----------

SisterMAB,

Now, now dear, there is no shame in your crisis. As someone who is still waiting for that last tree to finally fall, I will agree that you could be more speedy in your writing (please note that I said "speedy" not "speedo"). However, it is no surprise that a devout follower of The Blessed One would have difficulty in lifting pen to paper (or thumbs to keyboard) and trying to understand the PUNK. After all, Her Auburn Tressed Holiness even told us in the Book of Quagmire that sometimes she just doesn't understand him as well. PODOOAWT Syndrome is a common aliment in the Abbey. Usually a good strong dose of "Beyond the Sea", "Never Again", or "Christmas Carol" will set you straight for a while.

If you must try to understand the Punkish One, it might not hurt to watch "Little Green Men," "Conduit," or "Paper Hearts" as he tends to garner the most sympathy in episodes like that. If his voice still does not come to you, may I suggest that perhaps it is a sign. You should let the Voice of Reason guide you and write a diversionary Scullycentric piece in which the Punk only appears running for the phone wearing an orange and blue crocheted poncho. Oh, and Action!Scully would be nice too. Perhaps this will help lift the block and allow you to continue your other work.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn the Wise,

I need guidance. I have begun to fear that our dear Saint has been abducted and replaced by a clone for this season. I could not recognize the woman who trailed after Mulder as he unearthed the mystery of the "killer trees." (Naturally, I realize that while human cloning is theoretically possible, it is highly improbable that even if a clone of the Blessed One had been created that she would be fully grown now.)

Alas, my meager intelligence is unable to develop an SRE that explains what became of the Special Agent whose obvious divinity led me to proudly label myself a "Scullyist." I was beginning to fear I had imagined her. Thankfully, my faith was renewed after reviewing "Humbug," "Beyond the Sea," and "Fire" recently.

Still I feel I must do something to save the Raiser of the Mighty Eyebrow from any evil intentions 1013 may have, such as reducing her to a <gasp> sidekick. I will say that I am rather handy with a potato peeler and believe that combat boots add that certain something to any outfit. How can I sign up for the Rog...er...Kitchen Crew?

Ready to serve,
**Dahlak**
----------

Dear Dahlak (For some reason I feel as if I'm addressing a Klingon),
(Editor's Note: Sounds more like a spelling-challenged Dr. Who fan to me....)

I must admit that the events of this season ranging from DeathBed!Scully to the extreme Scully torture of the holidays to the almost non-existent role of Her Pantsuitedness in "Schizogeny" have been enough to even make the Abbey Elders look longingly at potatoes. Let us not forget the frightening RevMa incident of last month....

I think the root of the problem lies not with the trees, but with the budding issue of the writers not branching out enough to write partnership oriented episodes and thus leafing St. Scully occasionally to appear to be all bark and no bite. I know those who worship the false idol have had similar complaints revolving around "Christmas Carol" / "Emily" and are currently gnashing their teeth over our Saint's upcoming vacation. If you ask me, they deserve a little taste of what we faithful have felt over the years, but I digress.

We must pray, Brothers and Sisters, that even if the vacation trip to Maine does not go as planned for our Saint that she is the victor and not the victim in this tale AND that she stays that way, or I may join you in the kitchen. As for joining the crew, I believe it has something to do with an elaborate handshake or potato sculpture.

----------
O Dear Sister Autumn, From Whom All Scullyish and Generally X-Filean Knowledge Flows,

Recently, a troubling event occurred in my life. While changing for my gym class, making crass, locker-room comments waiting for a friend to finish washing her hands, my friend was struck with the Scullymata. Blood spontaneously GUSHED from her nose. I promptly handed her a paper towel and diagnosed her as having a nasopharengeal mass, and by the time I was done pronouncing the word, she needed yet another paper towel. Being the future med-student that I am, I of course missed the first twenty minutes of Phys Ed to tend to my ailing friend.

But, Sister Autumn, I could not repress the feelings of anger and jealously that raged within me. My friend has never seen an episode of X-Files in her life; she makes rude jokes towards my obsession (which are rather humorous, but that's beside the point). Why was *she* selected to have this blessing bestowed upon her? If it was to incite conversion, well... it hasn't worked. I know my envy is unScullyish, for it is directed at something other than a MulderBabe, but what should I do? Why was I glossed over? I can raise eyebrows with the best of them, and toss off an SRE faster than John Shiban can destroy an episode ... and despite how this is sounding, I'm usually very modest about it. But this event has boggled my mind. Have I done something wrong? Why am I not fit as a receiver of the sacred Scullymata? What can I do about this?

Thankfully,
A most desperate Sister Chupacabra
----------

Dear Perpetually Troubled Sister Chupacabra,

I'm going to share a little secret with you. Nosebleeds are nothing to be
jealous of. Trust me.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

A Most Humble Initiate begs for a few drops from the fountain of wisdom....... Although I know that our beloved Sainted One has many aspects, works in mysterious ways, and is, by definition, a glorious enigma.....I find myself troubled. Is it wrong to be more overjoyed by one aspect of the Divine Scully than another?? Specifically I find myself more open to the light of our Saint when she presents to us her smiling, comfortable, brilliant, funny, and happy aspect a la "Detour" than the chilling, perplexing, and faith-straining face shown to us in episodes such as "Fox-hunt". I believe that all faces of the Saint teach us much, but worry that my preference for one over others may be a failing. Can you guide me?

Struggling-On-The-Path,
Aspiring Brother Thompson
----------

Brother Thompson,

You may have a serious problem Brother. While I think every Brother and Sister would agree with you in that we wish for Our Saint to be happy, this is sadly not a normal occurrence. There is a reason that the tapes in the Abbey video library have grown grainy in those instances where we are given the greatest gift - her most radiant smile. We've had to replace the "EndGame" tape because of the ending almost as many times as the Reverend Mother has had to replace her personal copy of "Fire" because of the black boxer incident.

This being said those moments of mirth are few and far between. You must concentrate to find Her truth and light no matter what the circumstances. Even if it means gathering enigmatic wisdom off of her badge photo in "3". Sometimes when The Blessed Bearer of the Remission Chip is at her low points, she still delivers to her followers the greatest of wisdom. Such things as her poetic final words in "Dod Kalm" and the sad truths of the closing of "Unruhe" are such examples. To be her humble disciple you must rejoice in her triumphs, but sadly you must also feel her pain. Maybe if you fantasized about comforting her in these moments that would help.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

I just returned to college and I'm already stressing about classes, money, and life in general. I need the help of my favorite Sister in Scully to guide me in my faith. Here goes:

Three friends and I just moved in to our Boston apartment and we are having a problem finding the right feel on less than beer salaries. Though this month's issue of the newsletter suggested something of a New Years Resolution for Scully to redo her pad, I must admit I dig it and would love to model my apartment after it. The only problem is I have one roommate who hates Scully. (I pray for her everyday - hopefully by the time I act as bridesmaid for her wedding this fall, those prayers will be answered.) another roommate who never watches the show, and then my last roommate who would love to see Scully in all her natural, glorious splendor. I'm ashamed to say that I made a deal with her that any such photographic wonders would be permitted only in her room if she found some of the Punk's old, sexy movie anti-classics. I guess I'm the one that should be receiving prayers.

Anyway, how do I go about my daring redecoration of the place without going overboard? And finally, I now know that I was punished in another life. Not only am I the first documented case of Scullymata last winter, but Bill's wife shares my name. What is up with that?

Haunted by shame,
Sister Tara M.
----------

Dear Sister Tara M.,

First I am very concerned about the phrase "less than beer salaries". I'm not sure of its ramifications. Does it mean your salaries are less because of the amount spent on beer? Or they pay you less because of all the beer you drink? Or, that your salary is so small that you are forced to consume frightening beverages like Food Club BEER or the horrid Old Milwaukee Light because you can no longer afford the greater beers such as the delightful Pete's Wicked Winter Brew or Bass Ale. Oops, somehow I think I may have been sidetracked from the greater issue on tap.

While your roommates do pose a bit of a problem (I won't even go into the whole issue of how you could possibly be a bridesmaid for someone who hates St. Scully or can live with someone who never watched the show - at least one of them has some appreciation for her - though I suspect she has spent perhaps a little too much time watching the "Pilot" episode or watching Gillian Anderson at the Golden Globes hoping for a cleavage accident when yet another guy steps on her train). Anyway, Scully's furnishing styles are quite simple I think - a bit of IKEA, a bit of Ethan Allen - but if you ask me, and you did, the most important thing you can do is buy yourself a big old blue and white striped couch and go from there. When I made my pilgrimage to Vancouver, our room had that and it was all it took to make me feel like I was at The Blessed One's humble home.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

I have been a member of OBSSE now for several months, and let me just say that it has been some of the happiest times of my life. I do, however, feel that something is lacking. I am worried that I am not doing enough to worship our Blessed Saint. I am now on the mailing list, say my OBSSE prayers faithfully, and have attended my first OBSSE chat, which made me feel better, but it is not enough. I have contemplated cutting my hair (which reaches to my lower back) to match the great new Scully!hair style, and I'm in the market for a new pantsuit, but I feel that these are only surface differences. How can I truly, deep down, worship our great Saint Scully the Enigmatic?

I also have one other problem. In carrying out my mission to convert as many of my friends as possible to Scully lovers, I have come across one that simply (gulp!) hates our Blessed Saint. I don't understand this. She is a very smart, if somewhat misguided, girl- yet she likes the PUNK more than Scully. I have shown her the Duane Barry/Ascension/One Breath trilogy, in addition to many other Scullycentric episodes, yet she continues to believe that Scully is not only unnecessary, but a burden to the show. Is the situation helpless? Should I give up on my friend?

Please help,
Sister Elisa
----------

Sister Elisa,

The root of your conversion problem is obvious. The trilogy you mention is not Scullycentric, it is Muldercentric. He is the focus of "Duane Barry" she spends all of "Ascension" in a trunk and most of "One Breath" in a coma. So, as you ask how can you better worship out Saint I would suggest spending a little bit more time studying truly Scullycentric episodes and showing these to your friend.

----------
Dearest Sister Autumn,

I think I have had a revelation from the Sainted One, but I do not know for sure. I was up late, studying for my finals, reading my Psychology book when I came to the section on B. F. Skinner the behaviorist and I began wondering if God himself may have named the Assistant Director after this famous psychologist so that we Philes might find deeper meaning in His meanderings. Then as I read further, I came to an obscure, hidden within parenthesis, definition of operant conditioning, the theory B.F. designed. It read: operant conditioning is also called instrumental condition; bringing attention to the fact that the behavior in question has become an instrument for achieving a particular consequence. It also reveals that one of B. F.'s major ideas was a theory of reinforcement, which is defined as: The process whereby a particular behavior is strengthened, making it more likely that the behavior will be repeated. B.F. also came up with the theory that management needs to reward the people with the least desirable jobs in order to get them to work harder and more efficiently at their tasks.

If these definitions are a revelation into the character of Skinner, meditation upon them could bring many new things to light. Basically, it could define his role in Scully's and Mulder's lives as well as mention his motives for working with the CSM & Co. and possibly even that he has a greater role in the scheme of things than any of us suspect. But if this is a misdirection from one of the givers of truthful lies, I would like to know. So please, help me discern what is truth and what is the lie. And if it is a lie, should I believe the lie?

I am so confused,
Sister Melody
----------

Dear Melody,

Your letter reminded me why I am glad I am no longer in college. Just reading your letter made my head warm. By the second paragraph my eyes had glazed over just like they used to do when I was reading my psych books. Sister Melody, there is such a thing as too much caffeine - when you start to equate A.D. Skinner to B.F. Skinner you have reached that point. The only psychologist I think is truly important to the OBSSE is Pavlov, and if you'll excuse me, I think I hear a blender.

----------
Dearest Sister Autumn (whose knowledge and personal taste knows no bounds):

I've decided to have my "natural" auburn hair cut into a more Scullyesque style. My problem is that the Blessed One has seen fit to sport so many different looks over the last five seasons that I'm uncertain which one to go for.

Could you perhaps recommend some episodes in which She Of the Copper Tresses has looked especially stunning so that I might meditate on them before making this very difficult decision.

P.S. - I've already ruled out the short bangs, longer hair period... I chalk this temporary lapse in style up to post-abduction trauma.

Gratefully yours,
Sister La..
----------

Dearest Sister La (whose suck up talents know no bounds),

Funny you should ask this question. Why just the other night Sister MaryNancy and I were discussing what we call the Great Evolution of Hair. Perhaps in reviewing it we can find a style that is just right for your "natural" look.

First we had "Pilot" hair - definitely something I would not recommend. Not only was the color drab, but it was flat and much too long. The only good thing about "Pilot" hair was that its unattractive nature apparently inspired Scully into her best haircut of all of the first season. I'm talking about the lovely bar scene at the start of "Deep Throat". She is almost unbearably cute - the only problem being she had not yet settled upon the deeper red color that we see today. Alas, it was not to last because we were then struck with the unfortunate curling iron period during the end of season 1 in which her hair flipped this way and that with frightening regularity.

During most of season 2 we were plagued with yet another scary time - the pregnant hair (which at times looked almost as bad as the wig hair of "Christmas Carol"). Thankfully this got under control towards the end of season 2 leading up to another of my favorite hair episodes - "The Blessing Way." Take a look at that hair as she gets out of the car at the beginning of the episode - near perfection.

Still despite these moments, good hair and bad, I must admit I am most partial to the latest style which we used to refer to as her "cancer hair" before the remission chip. That is the style that I would recommend - and we already know it looks good even when you don't or when your nose is gushing. You can't ask for much more than that.

OBSSE Poll Results:
Coming Soon to a TV Set Near You...

Last month we asked our readers to tell us their ideal, Scullycentric episode. Here's a few of the responses:

From Sister Annie:
"Enough of the forests and sewers, this Scullycentric X-Files episode takes Mulder and Scully to a sunny beach in LA where they investigate reports of the return of the beach ball alien from the cult movie, "Dark Star." Mulder gets sand kicked in his face by a big beefcake lifeguard who takes Scully to the site of the latest beach ball alien sighting. Scully has to save both the hunky lifeguard and jealous Mulder (he is her partner afterall) by popping the beachball with her cell phone antenna."

From Sister Clare:
"Our agents are in the middle of a challenging case. They go down to the office to discuss it. Mulder trips, falls down the stairs, and suffers a triple compound fracture of his right tibia. He spends the rest of the episode in the hospital, making plaintiff calls on his cell phone: "Scully, it's me...where are you?" Meanwhile, The Blessed One solves the case entirely on her own. (Mulder's harebrained theory turned out to be incorrect.) The subplot of this episode revolves around Scully's efforts to procure a desk. She succeeds, and it's bigger than Mulder's."

From OBSSE Member SirSDuke:
"An informant calls Scully about a case, which leads Scully to a remote island with lots of scantily clad hunky guys who are at her beck and call (much like in Exit to Eden). Mulder gets ditched back in D.C., as Scully is kept "busy" by the hunky guys and has a wonderful time on the case."

From Brother Plantagenet:
"When Mulder is kidnapped by the escaped Hannibal Lecter, it's up to Scully to lead the investigation that will save his life. However, her only chance to outwit the genius killer is to team up with a new partner, Special Agent Clarice Starling, played of course by talented guest star Jodie Foster. While working together, Scully and Starling develop a deep and endearing friendship based on mutual trust and appreciation. When the two finally save Mulder, he is so traumatized that he quits the FBI, and Scully and Starling become a permanent team."

From Brother R. J.:
"Scully as a "Bikini Girl with Machine Gun" blowing away Mexican vampires in Tijuana then teaming up with Mexican masked wrestler "El Santo" (the Man in the Silver Mask) to stop the Consortium from their insidious plan to rig the Super Bowl."

From *swenson*:
"First scene: Disown Big Bad Bill.
Second scene: Knock Marita's face inside out.
Third scene: Laugh hysterically for 15 minutes.
Fourth Scene: Take Punk into the autopsy bay for a special "examination."
(Please excuse my impurity!)

From Sister Boris:
"The Blessed One gets a call..it's Bill Jr. He didn't want to mention it before, because he wanted to appear to be the rational family member, but about 12 months earlier, Tara had disappeared, and when she had been returned, she was pregnant. Tara had been carrying The Blessed One's child, and Bill Jr. feels guilty. Matthew goes home to his real mom (The Skeptical One), who promptly relieves him of that wussy name and renames him Charles (so that we know that at least ONE Charles Scully actually does exist.) Charles exhibits no signs of ever developing Creme de Menthe Syndrome. Mulder, meanwhile, sits jealously by and attempts to help--clumsily--until The Blessed One finally puts him out of his misery and lets him throw out Charles' diapers."

From Sister Starrrbuck:
"The Ceremonial Desk Presentation Episode as written by Vince Gilligan. Need I say more? :)"

From Sisters Amy and Danielle:
"Scully and Mulder are on a boat off the coast of San Diego after being called in for a consult by a certain detective on the SDPD. Scully, in her alluring yet sensible black one-piece with sarong, sips a Scullyrita and types up her rational, obviously correct explanation of Mulder's stupid monster theory.

Kresge arrives with a second Scullyrita, wearing dark blue swim trunks and a grin.
"Where's your partner?" he asks.

Scully gives him a small smile, "Throwing up over the side, last time I checked."

Kresge nods and plops down into the next deck chair. "So, have you figured out what killed that man yet?"

Scully finishes off her Scullyrita and turns to face the handsome man more fully. "Yes, I believe so. It's obvious from my autopsy that Jeff Edwards was partially eaten by a shark, not by killer seaweed, as my partner suggested."

"Really?" Kresge asks, "So, what are we doing on this boat?"

"Hmm?" Scully meets his gaze with a raised eyebrow, "Oh, I just wanted some sun."

Kresge eyes her outfit, then offers her a tube of Ban de Soleil. "With that skin, you'd best put on some sunscreen."

"I already have," Scully answers, then accepts the tube, "Did you do your back?"

Kresge grins, "No. Would you mind?"

"Not at all." Scully pops open the sunscreen and squirts some on the palm of her hand. As her fingers dance over his muscled back, a voice cries out from the other side of the deck.

"Scully!" Mulder yelps.

Scully glances up in time to see his sneaker-clad feet disappearing over the railing.

With a shrug, Scully turns back to the pleasant task of smearing lotion on Kresge's back.

"Shouldn't you go after him?" Kresge asks.

"Nah," Scully answers, "He's a good swimmer."
:)

OBSSE Poll: Dinner And A Movie?
by Sister Nancy (no clever sig)

Well siblings, it's been a long, torturous season for our Saint. Even her so-called vacations bring her nothing but trouble. But seeing since it's February, and Valentine's Day is just around the corner, we thought we'd ask the Brethren and Sistren to think "happy, romantic" thoughts for just a moment. So, for this month's OBSSE poll, we ask: What would be the perfect date for our Saint? We're not talking a long term relationship here, folks, just a simple date. What would our saint prefer? Candlelight dinner? Dancing? A movie? Hot SEX????

Oh, that last part was my preference.

Anyhoo, your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to describe what you think would be the ultimate date for our tortured Saint. As always, cleverness and humor score extra, uber points. :)

Field Report No. X0-2:   "Moolder, ich bin´s"
by Sister Glasses, our German Correspondent

Many of you on the mailing list have endured my constant whining about the trials of being an X-Phile, and worse, a Scullyist, on a strange, far away continent. You can skip this contribution now, if you want, and go on reading about happier things... If you are still interested, however, follow me - I´ll take you to a dark and dusty place... the land of Akte X.

The show is the prize catch of one of our private networks (I won´t even try to explain the organization of our, as we call it, "TV landscape" - the name is apt, because there are a few peaks of entertainment spiking out of the many valleys of desolation where the only rescue is the "Off"-button on your remote). With regularly over 5 million viewers, it is one of the best-selling American imports of the last few years, beaten only by the Rollerblade and the Chicken McNugget.

Nevertheless, the show doesn´t nearly receive the treatment it deserves. The situation of the best mystery show ever over here is best described in three words: dubbed, delayed, and disassembled.

Can you imagine what it is like to watch a show and see the actors say one thing, but hear something different? (Well, if you are an X-Phile, I guess you can - "dorkweed"?!) It´s just not funny. We German viewers could feel especially deprived when our own language is used without our ever noticing it - only that we usually don´t notice it. For example, there is only half the fun in "Unruhe"! We never get to know that our beloved Saint obviously has an excellent memory for grammar, but foreign accents

"Moolder, ich bin's. Wo sind Sie?"

are definitely not one of her many talents. We are cheated out of the treat of The Blessed One unwrapping high school memories while facing a very mean-looking metal spike, where everyone else´s presence of mind would have reached its limits with an inarticulate scream... We can only imagine the confusion of both characters and audience upon hearing the unsettling words "Sein ist die Hand die verletzt", the intended sinister sound losing some of its scariness when it comes over as matter-of-factly as "I´ll go get some milk, dear."

And then, there is the translation. Generally, I´ve found it to be adequate, but if they screw up, they do it big time. I´ll leave it to the esteemed readers to imagine what, if you really try to misunderstand, could become of the term "genetic makeup."

Furthermore, don´t get me started on the voices. The guy who speaks for Mulder sounds, in my opinion, pretty close to the original, but if you just heard the German version of St. Scully utter the inevitable "Moolder, ich bin´s. Wo sind Sie?", you´d know why I am considering a move to the US, if only for the next two years... For those of you who want a sample, go to http://twind.simplenet.com/xfiles/frames/xsounds.htm. You´ll hear what I´m talking about.

The above quote also shows those who are familiar with my complicated mother tongue that in spite of five years of closeness, (well, as close as they get, and I don´t want to spark another relationship debate here) in Germany, Scully and Mulder still address each other in the most formal way, using the "Sie" form. While in "The X-Files" we have noticed the slow but steady mutation of the use of the last name into a form of peculiar intimacy, the main characters in "Akte X" still treat each other with all the friendliness of the heads-of-state of two countries on the brink of war.

The delayed part is, maybe, even worse. Give me The X-Files in German, if you want (I´ll go get the tapes from England! Baah!), but give them to me on time! We are currently (Jan. 17) anxiously waiting for tomorrow night´s showing of "Small Potatoes"... So, the question of reading the spoilers on mailing lists and webpages doesn´t even really present itself. By the time we get to see the episodes we won´t even know anyone has ever discussed them before!

"The main characters of "Akte X" still treat each other
with all the friendliness of the heads-of-state of two
countries on the brink of war."

Another downside (I´ll try to get to the upsides, too, but they are hard to find) is that the German station cuts the episodes apart really badly. They have been treating some of those episodes worse than Dr. Scully could ever mangle (highly professionally, mind you) someone´s (or -thing´s) dead body. I know of missing scenes from "Fresh Bones", "Home", "Leonard Betts", and "Grotesque", and I am sure there´s more. Strangely, that doesn´t seem to affect the time the episodes are actually on the air. I wonder what they put in there... or just how expensive commercial time is for that show... Of course, the network is only protecting us from horrors we are not fit to see. You wanna see blood? Wait for the 23:15 airing of "The Exorcist", right here on this station.

Upsides? I didn´t promise you any upsides. The one good thing about the X-Files over here is that we get to see them at all.

And yet, in spite of all this, there is a scattered but unfailingly believing community of followers, not very public, but very patient, secretly basking in the knowledge that they have discovered the ultimate TV experience that no one else is able to fully appreciate. They hide, but the sales figures of books, videotapes, T-shirts, magazines, and all the other paraphernalia strongly suggest that every now and then they slip out, under cover of darkness, to the next bookstore to feed their obsession. The greater public (i.e., the 75 million non-viewers), however, hardly takes notice. For disciples of the various schools of X-Philedom, be they ´shippers, noromos, Mulderists, chain-smokers, or even Scullyists, there are no forums where to broadcast their beliefs. Or, if there are, you don´t notice them. We German viewers - nah, make that "we Germans" - seem to have a tendency to keep our convictions to ourselves, at least the ones that aren´t related to politics - then there is no stopping... That´s why everyone else believes we are such a hard-working, single-minded people.

So, here I am, a devout Scullyist, proudly carrying my little light through the darkness that is "Akte X". As well as, I am sure, many others in my country, I have, through the obstacle course that is German TV, recognized the infinite wisdom and natural leadership of our Saint, the Holy Archer of the Eyebrow, Dr. Dana K. Scully. And I am calling on all who think like I do: defy the evil forces in our TV system, stand strongly in the storm that is called "next summer break, time for dubbing Season Five", and, I promise, you will also experience the satisfaction of seeing Her healed (or, well, in remission, anyway) sometime next September or so...

Welcome New Sisters and Brothers!

Each month, we like to profile a few of the new Sisters and Brothers who have joined the Order. Please join us in welcoming all who have recently embraced Her Enigmatic Light:

Sister Cheryl confesses:
"I'm new at this and easily swayed by red speedos. I need your guidance (you wouldn't want me to become a Mulderist, would you?)"

Sister Cheshire Cat testifies:
"St. Scully is definitely my guiding spirit. I need a real religion anyway."

Sister gchick1013 states:
"Not only do I believe St. Scully to be the embodiment of all that is sane, good, and intelligent, I find her partner, whatshisname, to be a lunatic, who follows The Blessed One in hopes to find his way to salvation with all that is professional and enigmatic. St. Scully is a treasure to all of humankind."

Sister Lara testifies:
"St. Scully is the template that we should all hold ourselves up to. Finally, a positive female role model on television that is not made of silicone or other pieces of plastic, nor does she resort to crying frequently or bashing males....St. Scully is a strong, surviving woman of the nineties who is not afraid to turn to her best friend for comfort or solace. She surmounts all odds to protect herself as well as her partner....She is truly a saint, and I only wish to become one who is able to show her the reverence she deserves."

Brother L expresses:
"I believe that The X-Files is purely a spiritual journey for the two main characters, and if there is anyone who can rectify the things that Mulder believes with the truths that science clings to, it is Scully."

Sister Juanita confesses:
"I make a good candidate because I am a Scully fanatic. I've trained five roommates into almost always agreeing with The Blessed One and never criticizing her, though they still believe that Mulder is very cute. This is okay, though. If Scully can love him, I imagine it's okay for others to do as well."

OBSSE Member rel testifies:
"Joyous servant, faithful hound, and indebted bootlick."

Sister Jennifer states:
"All right--I'm an undergraduate college student who lives in New Orleans--and now, on a Friday night during MARDI GRAS season, I am spending my time humbly entreating entry to the Order instead of enjoying the delights of America's Most Alcoholic City (alternate translation: Like The Blessed One, I have NO life whatsoever.)

OBSSE Member Chris explains:
"Quite frankly, I think OBSSE chose me. I visited the website, and I enjoyed it, but I thought it might be a little biased in its favoritism =) Yet for all that, I find myself returning here whenever I browse the web. Reading the newsletters, laughing at the humor, and being moved deeply by the kind of people that are found here (congratulations on filling the flask, btw). It's a fun, thoughtful, and thoroughly enjoyable place, and I think it's indicative of the character of Dana Scully herself: A website full of intelligent, thoughtful, humorous people equally capable of having a serious discussion about important issues, literary discussions about plot and character development, or engaging in wonderful moments of silliness (The Armani Files?). And of course, I'm looking for recipes for the fabled Scullyrita =).

The Rift--Scully's Crisis
by Sister Sheryl Martin

Note: I first posted a short note on this theory on ATXF in response to a comment about the "rift" between Mulder and Scully...

At the beginning of The X Files in "Pilot," we are introduced to Dana Scully; medical doctor and professed skeptic to all that pertains to the paranormal. In her first case with Fox Mulder, she investigates the apparent abduction of young women - an eerie deja vu of what was to come.

Throughout the years Scully has had to give up more and more of her personal life to The X files and the elusive search for the truth. Unlike her partner, who was dedicated from the start for his own reasons (namely, his quest for Samantha and resolving his own guilt over her abduction while he was present), Scully's interest was professional and that of a co-worker searching for the answers to close the files she had been assigned to work on; nothing more, nothing less.

But this alone began to affect her personal life. She walked out on one date and gave up another (Jersey Devil). And when she revolted in an attempt to have a life outside of the office, she ended up in a very dangerous situation (Never Again). She has gained and lost a pet dog through strange circumstances (Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose, Quagmire) and finally lost her sister in a case of mistaken identity (Blessing Way).

But all of these threats have been eclipsed by her reluctant acceptance that finally, after years of working with Fox Mulder and the X Files,  she has sacrificed her own life in the pursuit of Mulder's truth - with terrifying results.

Scully must have thought that her own abduction and return in "Ascension/One Breath" was a single event--on its own a horrifying journey into a darkness few ever return from. However, recent events have shown that this single event has forever changed her life and now dominates every facet of her existence.

The cancer that sprang from the apparent removal of the microchip in her neck (Blessing Way, Memento Mori, Redux II) has gone into remission. But another danger lurks on the horizon - the use of Scully's ova; ripped from her during the abduction, leaving her infertile.

It has become apparent to the two agents that Scully is an unwilling participant in a larger experiment. Emily (Christmas Carol, Emily) was a hybrid of Scully's gene with an alien, perhaps the shape-shifting Bounty Hunter clan. Mulder knows that the Kurt Crawfords might also be from the same DNA, giving Scully motherhood of an entire clan of human/alien hybrids - a most terrifying prospect for any woman.

But as a result of this, Scully has had to reconcile both her professional and personal lives - something she has been attempting to avoid over the years. While Mulder was ever-immersed in the conspiracy and the alien aspects of their work, she has tried to keep a neutral if not skeptical perspective - trying to maintain a normal routine away from the Bureau and Mulder even when the case related back to her own life (Beyond The Sea).

Since her bout with cancer, Scully has become much more introspective, wondering where her life and her work begins. This is not an uncommon thought for many survivors of a near-fatal experience, but in Scully's case, the two cannot be pulled apart, and she is coming to realize it with fear and horror.

She has become Mulder in a way. While he has always been absorbed in the search for his sister to the exclusion of all else, now Scully has become the seeker for the truth of what was done to her, why, and the results of that experimentation.

It could be argued that Mulder has dropped his quest for Samantha to pursue Scully's quest for her self, for the abduction has taken that which Scully has come to realize is most important to her - the hopes and dreams of having a child. And Mulder seems to realize this as well, although he might not always make the best decision, he does have Scully's best interests at heart. He has chosen Scully over Samantha in the past and will willingly accompany her on this quest as she did his for so many years.

At the beginning of Scully's career with the X Files she was searching for the truth behind an abduction. Now she has it, and it isn't pretty.

Nor can she hide from it. It is an agenda that has permeated all aspects of her life, leading her back to question her own faith and priorities. It has taken over her life, and she resents it - but she has no choice but to continue the work in hopes that eventually they will discover and perhaps bring those people to justice - of a kind.

But it is a journey that she must make alone, with Mulder only standing by to offer his support if she will take it. This battle is no longer as abstract as a search for Samantha, who now is known to be alive - somewhere, somehow. This is now a search for the very essence of that which is Dana Katherine Scully.

Seeing as though The Blessed One's birthday is coming up, it seemed like a good time for a little angst (at least that seems to be The X-Files tradition for birthdays and holidays). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this month's selections. I know I did...well...as much as one can enjoy a plethora of angst. If you have a fanfic pick, email it to me at autumnt@aol.com.

Pellinor

Pellinor makes no bones about it as she tells us on her fanfic page: "Warning! I write Angst. Angst with a capital A." I would have to concur. But it is good angst. Real good angst. Pellinor has a unique and poetic style that makes her work an interesting read. Though it is not a Scullycentric piece, her Inferno series is one that I will always remember as causing a huge lump in my throat and a tightness in my chest simply because of the way Mulder and Scully were failing to communicate. The first part of the series, "Inferno," is a little hard to get into, but if you stick with it through "Purgatorio" and "Paradiso" you too can feel the pain. Pellinor has a new piece out written with Rebecca Rusnak called, "The Way Through the Woods" that I found quite good dealing with Psychic!Scully (and her cousin Denial!Scully) as well as a good deal of PUNK!torture.

Jane Mortimer

On the subject of angst, I'd like to recommend an older story that has always stuck with me as one of the most unique and interesting pieces I have ever read. This one won't take you too long to get through, and I cannot encourage you to read it enough. It is called "Sin Eater".

Terri Monture

Terri is the last entry in our little angstfest. I think the first piece of hers I ever read was the story, "The Ghost in My Bed," which is an experimental work that shows Scully's descent into madness after Mulder's death. How's that for angst? I also liked the years later reunion piece, "Breathe" as well as the wonderful look at why Scully does what she does in "Exquisite Corpse."

XF News: Meanwhile,Back to Our Show...
by Sister Autumn T.

February looks to be a very exciting month for Scully fans on the new episode front. Feb 8th starts off with The Blessed One taking yet another ill-fated vacation in the Scullycentric "Chinga" penned by horror writer Stephen King and series creator Chris Carter. After that we have the Sci-Fi authors William Gibson and Tom Maddox collaborating on "Kill Switch" which contains an OBSSE favorite - Action!Scully. Take a look at that high kick in the photo from the episode (below). You go girl! Vince Gilligan is up next with a comedic "he said/she said" version of a vampire tale called "Bad Blood" and we finish off the month with part 1 of a mythology two-part episode that has St. Scully teaming up with some other abductees for an investigation. Looks like a Scullyrific sweeps month to me!

On the awards side of things, the Golden Globes were held last month and the show was honored for the third time as Best Drama Series. Even though the talented Gillian Anderson did not repeat her win of last year she certainly sported the most lovely gown amongst the nominees. Hey, if you can't win, you might as well look flawless. The important awards, The Screen Actor's Guild awards, are set for March 8th on TNT. David Duchovny and the show's acting ensemble are nominated along with two time winner Gillian Anderson. These awards are actually voted on by the 90,000 members of the SAG - their peers - let's hope for a three-peat.

Meanwhile, FOX and 1013 have found yet another way to separate fans from their money. After canning the conventions last year they've come up with The X- Files "Expo" promising "an interactive road show that combines the look and feel of the hit television series with high-tech entertainment experiences" whatever that means. The 10-city tour kicks off March 7 in San Francisco and runs through May. Unfortunately, it is already proving to be more than a little disorganized especially when it comes to buying the $25 tickets for other than the San Francisco dates. Hopefully these things will get ironed out soon. Groups of OBSSE members are using the OBSSE mailing list to try to organize get togethers in the various cities. Look out here we come. Oh, and the move to L.A., go ahead and consider it a done deal. The upside is that FOX is promising fans two more seasons of The X-Files after this one. After that, see you at the movies.

Komix by Kev

Musings From Our Members...

Picture This
From Sister Sarah L.

This picture was taken for my best friend, who looks like Mulder I might add, and in honor of The Blessed One herself....

The reason I look up to St. Scully is because when I was a sophomore, a friend of mine got me into The X-Files, and after I started watching it, I was actually inspired to study more. Believe it or not, my GPA actually went up!! Talk about strange, huh?!?!

All I can say is that I am thankful for the things The Blessed One has done, because without her inspiration, I would not have gotten my grades and all around outlook on life out of the gutter.
 
 
 

The Special Agent's Creed
by Sister Geneva of the Springs

I believe in Scully, the Blessed Enigmatic,
Saint of all things scientific;
And in our Dana, doctor without a practice;
Who is ditched daily by Mulder.
born with the curse of genius,
Suffers along every weekend,
Was abducted, probed, and implanted;
The third day, she returned to work;
She descended from the heavens,
And tolerates mutters by the Punk Unmighty;
From thence she shall cheat the death that darkly pursues her.

And I believe in the Sainted Skeptic,
the Holy body of Medicine,
The bureau of Feds,
The truth of the autopsy,
The dispelling of cancer,
And the inherent goodness of all.

Amen.

A Sighting
by Sister Rebecca V.

Dear Sister Nancy (no clever sig):

I have to report with some excitement and some shame that I have had a sighting. I recently came within inches of the great Gillian Anderson but was unable to tell her of my membership in the Order or of our endless gratitude for her portrayal of the Sainted Skeptic. But let me start from the beginning.

It was with great joy this November 1st that I was honored to attend a function celebrating the 100th X-Files episode. I would have written about it sooner, but the very circumstances that allowed me to attend (a freelance job with the Hollywood Reporter) prevented me from devoting the appropriate amount of time to my Internet worship of The Blessed One.

The party was the official Fox party for The X-Files at which I was cheerfully able to shake hands with the great Spotnitz and Carter and hiss under my breath at such luminaries as Krycek and the Pilot.

I went armed with my OBSSE card and red hair, Scully power pants, and pumps. So as not to offend The Blessed One or he who channels her adventures by seeming to appear too close to her aspect (I am hardly worthy!), I wore a pair of glasses unlike any I had seen The Blessed One choose.

I had hoped to come close enough to Gillian Anderson (She who is closest to The Blessed One) to inform her of my OBSSE membership and our support of such an excellent female character of intelligence and integrity (although why they had to include that bit shot of Mulder in what was expected to be a Scully only episode this weekend, I don't know. I feel cheated. Blessed One grant me patience.)

However, when the chance came and the great GA passed within feet of my person, I was overcome with awe and found myself unable to speak. (In a freak note, she was wearing the same glasses as I was. Does this mean we are channeling heretofore undisclosed areas of The Blessed One's character? The glasses are kind of, well, funky, and wouldn't pass FBI muster).

I suspect that I should do penance for letting such an opportunity pass me by, but in the mean time I carry my OBSSE card faithfully and intend to make a pledge to fill the Erlenmeyer Flask. I hope that my presence at the function was enough to represent the OBSSE and that deep in her heart, the Sainted Skeptic knows of our devotion and that we celebrated with her on 100 episodes, despite my lack of ability to speak.

A Visitation?
From Brother Northwest Smith
(He Who Watches By Night)

In honor of the OBSSE gaining it's 500th member (and doing a great job fundraising), I thought I might relate a story that is near and dear to my heart; a story that has kept me warm on these long winter nights. Indeed, one might even call it a tale of a spiritual event...

In August of this year, I visited Vancouver the Golden on business and stayed at a hotel located on Vancouver's downtown hotel strip. Around midnight, I was awoken by a huge bang. I want to the window to see what the matter was and spotted a film crew working on the roof of a nearby hotel. FOR NO KNOWN REASON, I decided to stay up a bit and watch them work. You can imagine my surprise when, after a few minutes, a certain Petite Redhead and the Punk appeared. I was not the only one blessed by this visitation because the moment St. Scully (or her clone?) stepped out on the roof, someone at one of the other hotels shouted, "Hey! Scully!" In any case, the scene appeared to have something to do with a chase. DD & GA emoted for awhile, and filming wrapped at about 3 a.m.

Most people I have told this story to dismiss it and say that I undoubtedly saw DD's and GA's stunt doubles because no actor would be up working at that hour of the night. Still, I believe it was St. Scully because wherever she went on that roof, a light followed her. (On the other hand, it could have been the camera lights. It was late, and I was tired....)

Whatever. If there is a scene this year involving a rooftop in the middle of the night, you will be happy to know that a member of the OBSSE was nearby, making the appropriate devotions.

That's it! Special thanks to Sister La..Dee..Da.. for several of the cool graphics. And Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Spend it with someone you love (or not...your call). Next newsletter due out by March 10, 1998.

"News for the OBSSEsed" is copyright 1998 by Nancy Cotton.