Meet the Beatles! Er...I mean...the Elders!

Springtime is the season of rebirth, right? So in keeping with that very time-honored tradition, the OBSSE has selected this Spring season to reinvent itself.

When the Order began a few years ago, we were nothing more than a few folks on ATX joking about the perfection of Dana Scully and what a unique and wonderful role model she was for women (and men) everywhere. Today, the Order boasts 700 members, an extremely active mailing list, biweekly chats, special projects and fundraisers, a monthly newsletter (as evidenced here)...the list goes on. In short, tending the Abbey grounds has become more than a one person job now. That's why the OBSSE Elders (currently Nancy Cotton, Autumn Tysko, and Elderette La..Dee..Da..) have decided to expand the governance structure of the Order to keep the Sanctuary (in all its incarnations) shipshape and "St. Scully Proud" and all of the Sisters and Brothers in blissful contentment.

Therefore, effective by May 1, the OBSSE will establish a "Council of Elders" made up of six Elders and two Elderettes (Assistant Elders for the politically correct amongst us). The OBSSE Council of Elders is:

1. OBSSE Leader and Reverend Mother
Name: Sister Nancy (no clever sig) Cotton
Duties: Admit new members, oversee and maintain the OBSSE web site, act as newsletter editor-in-chief, contribute to newsletter as needed.

2. OBSSE Co-Leader and Elder of the Mailing List and Chats
Name: Sister Autumn Tysko
Duties: Oversee and organize official chats, oversee and maintain mailing list, contribute to monthly newsletter (Ask Autumn, XF News, Fan Fic Picks).

3. Elder of Special Projects and Graphic Design
Name: Sister La..Dee..Da..
Duties: Lead and/or organize OBSSE special projects (fundraisers, future gatherings, etc.), contribute graphics to newsletter/web site as needed, assist with chats, assist with mailing list.

4. Elder of Membership
Name: Sister Lens-of-Science
Duties: Add names to "Brothers and Sisters" section of web site, prepare new brothers and sisters column for newsletter, receive prayers that may be submitted and add to web site or forward on to newsletter editor as needed.

5. Elder of the Newsletter
NAME: Sister Paula R.
DUTIES: Make newsletter assignments, gather all newsletter material, receive newsletter submissions, edit newsletter. Will be in charge of contributing "Results of OBSSE poll" and "New OBSSE poll" columns to monthly newsletter.

6. Elder at Large (aka Abbey Handyman)
Name: Brother Colin B.
Duties: Assist other elders with duties as assigned and when needed or called upon.

ELDERETTES:

In addition to the six elders, we have two Elderettes (Assistant Elders) who will serve on the Council:

1. Sister Mary G.: Keeper of the OBSSE Mailing List Rules and Official List Greeter.
2. Sister Amy Amyzon: Keeper of the Official OBSSE/OBSSE Mailing List FAQ.

I hope you will join me in thanking these individuals for agreeing to serve our Internet community.  Personally, I am forever in their debt. If you have questions about any of these changes, please feel free to email me.

Yours in St. Scully,

Sister Nancy (no clever sig)

Fest Registration Closed, Mailing List Open

Registration for the OBSSEsed Fest on June 18-21 in Austin, Texas is closed due to...well...attendance.

Who knew?

When we were batting around the idea of an OBSSE gathering, we thought perhaps 20 people tops might come. Today, we have 54 people registered (over our 50 person maximum limit), and more on a waiting list to take their spots should anyone opt not to attend.

We apologize to those who may have wanted to attend but did not make the registration. The physical space we will be using at our Fest hotel prevents us from having a larger crowd. We'll keep this in mind next year when Sisters La..Dee..Da.. and Autumn Tysko plan the next gathering. (Oh, did I not tell them they were doing that???)

If you have registered, please send your check for $35 to me no later than May 1 to guarantee your spot at the Fest (like I said, we have others who'll take your place if you decide not to come). Email me for my address or check the Fest Registration web page. If you can't come but would like a Fest t-shirt, check the web page for T-shirt ordering information.

Also, all Fest registrants should subscribe to our Fest Mailing List for up-to-the-minute Fest plans. To subscribe, send a message to listserv@unc.edu with the subject field left blank and the words "subscribe Scullyfest yourname" in the body of the message. If you have questions about subscribing to the Fest Mailing List, drop me a line.

See you in Austin!

The OBSSE Does Dallas:
The X-Files Expo Tour 98
by Nancy Cotton

Sitting on the concrete at 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning gobbling Einstein Bros. Bagels in front of an airplane hanger in Dallas, Texas wasn't exactly the way I had envisioned spending my Spring Break. But with the air cool, the sun shining bright, and the company of Sisters AutumnT and Nanchita to warm me, the concrete padding of Mustang Hanger at Love Field in Big D didn't feel quite so cold.

We were there, of course, for the Dallas X-Files Expo on March 21. Oddly enough, we weren't the first ones in line on that bright, sunny Saturday morning (a situation Sister Autumn jealously noted). No, there were geeks even geekier than us, it seemed. We would have to settle for places 15,16, and 17 in line respectfully. Damn.

With the Expo scheduled to open at 11 a.m. and nearly two hours to fill, we amused ourselves by...well..eating. Sister Autumn, of course, regaled us with her obscene knowledge of all things "X", going so far as to humiliate me, the Reverend Mother, with her proposed "trivia" questions for the OBSSEsed Fest Trivia contest. (Okay, so I don't do trivia. It's overrated anyway.) We were joined not long after by David Swinney (XF Mining Company guide) and friend, and later by OBSSE Sisters SikChick and Fanficplea. My husband Jim, who I had coaxed into wearing an FBI Academy shirt (a gift from my brother) and my good friend Jennifer Hale (who I had cajoled into attending), came soon after, and we all (more or less) entered the Expo fray. (Well, Jennifer's ticket never came in the mail so she had to wait outside to pick it up. Ah! Two years of planning this event they say...Sure. Fine. Whatever.)

Once inside, we made a beeline (no Marita pun intended) to the picture booth that made it look like you were sitting in Mulder's office. Autumn and I proceeded to do our best to "procure" a desk for Saint Scully (see photo right), but alas, it was to no avail. Then it was off to get ripped off...I mean...buy things. I picked up the fourth season guide and had the author, Andy Meisler, sign it. I also picked up some very nicely done black and white photos of the Sainted One herself, the Lone Gunmen, Skinner, and of course, Agent Mulder (He looks so heavenly in black and white....), and a T-shirt of "Swat!Scully" from the episode "Home." Then it was off to listen to the speakers.

Well, at least that was our intention.

In short, the sound system stunk. There seemed to be no compensation made for the fact that we were...after all...in an airport hanger with acoustics that left much to be desired. Throughout the day, the audience strained to hear speakers Nick Lea, Dean Haglund, Kim Manners, and Mitch Pileggi. Some folks simply got up and left the stage area to go watch the speakers on a nearby television screen, where the sound was at least decipherable.

So if you're looking for insight into what they said, well, I can't tell you. But I can tell you this:

Bald men are beautiful :) Nuff said.

All in all, it was a fine time in Big D. Autumn did her share to part with her life savings at the auction by bidding on and receiving a director's copy of the script from "Chinga" and a copy of "Memento Mori" signed by Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. We all enjoyed the movie preview (although Serious!Scully is in abundance it seems). And the computer games and previews were fun as well. Autographs from Dean Haglund and Mitch Pileggi capped off the day's events.

But as usual, it was the company that made the event a hit, despite the poor sound and even poorer food. Immersed in XF paraphernalia and surrounded by Scullyists, all somehow seemed right with the world.

Oh, and did I mention that bald men are beautiful? ;)

(PHOTOS: (Top Left) The OBSSE does Dallas. Left to right in back are Sisters Nancy Cotton, Nanchita, and Autumn Tysko. In front, left to right, are Sisters Lisa (Fanficplea) and Verlaine (SikChick); (Middle Right) Sisters Autumn (left) and Nancy (right) steal a desk for St. Scully; (Bottom Left) Nancy (left) and Jennifer Hale (right) experience the intrigue of an Expo line.)

She Said WHAT???

Every now and then a thread appears on the OBSSE mailing list that just tickles our fancies. Aside from the breath mint confessions (which really aren't XF related at all, and in fact are WAY the HELL off topic, but are so funny that no one cares....), this month's winning thread has to be the "Things Scully Would Never Say." I have to admit, when one of the Sistren/Brethren typed in the line, "Stupid cross. Keep tryin' to give it away but no one will take it!" I was hooked. Thank you to all the Sisters and Brothers who contributed to this little exercise. It's comforting to know that we have correctly identified those phrases that should never leave the Sainted One's lips.

Things Scully Would Never Say:

"Skinner, I've had amazing results with Rogaine, you really should try it."

"Actually, Mom, I'm not fine. I've been abducted, almost died of cancer, found out I couldn't have children, and had to hide out in the woods to prevent myself from either becoming toast or being abducted again. Are you happy now?"

"Oooh! What a lovely pair of flats. And just *look* at that bright, pink suit!"

"I wouldn't have named my daughter Emily, anyway."

"I was gonna catch up on some paperwork, but geez, that Spice Girls movie is just too tempting!"

" I'd looove to go window shopping, Tara!"

"Queequeg really WAS a stupid name for a dog."

"Wow Bill! I never saw it like that before, you were right to kill my rabbit."

"And that's when I realized that Lord Kinbote had run out of dollar bills...."

"You wouldn't happen to have that in polka-dot, would you?"

"Nice to see you again, Charles."

"How many times have I told you, Mulder- don't interrupt during Buffy the Vampire Slayer!"

"My, the clouds are looking especially fluffy today!".

"Mulder, is that Aqua Velva I smell?"

"If I were that stoned.....wait...I *am* that stoned!"

"Stupid cross. Keep tryin' to give it away but no one will take it!".

"Your mother is Teena.....tramp...."

"Oh! Jeffrey! Oh God oh god oh god!"

"Are you going to eat that?"

"Beer- you only rent it."

"It's only $25, just to wait in line for stuff!".

"Excuse me, ma'am, but does this come in a smaller size?" .

"Oooh, aren't you just the CUTEST clone baby I've ever seen.".

"Gee, Mulder, that s a nice tie!" .

(to herself) "You're one damn fine lookin' chick."

"Does this make me look fat?"

"Oh, pooh! My soufflé has fallen!"

"Do you like my hair better up.. or down?"

"But Mulder! The mud will just be hell on my new pumps!"

"Shut up, mom."

"I know his name... but just can't place the face...."

"I could just die for a kareoke machine right about now."

"Mom, I never forgave you for not getting me "Hotel California."

"Frohike, where do you shop?"

"Look, Mulder, the nice people at my dry cleaners have just named me Customer of the Month. I wonder why?"

by Sister Autumn T.

Well, we are right in the middle of dire times as I type. Two weeks of episodes without The Blessed One, and the Abbey is growing restless. Sure, I can tell that you all are trying to keep your chins up and your tic-tac intake moderate, but you don't fool me. I feel for you. I know I sometimes come across as a bit more concerned about myself, but really, I do actually think of others as well. When I get the chance. Why just last month I thought of someone else. Briefly. Anyway, that is neither here nor there, as I will once again strive to answer your deepest, darkest questions, especially if they amuse me. Remember to write to Ask Sister Autumn, and tell me your troubles.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

I have a confession to make. I'm the writer of eight fanfictions. The first two go together but portray St. Scully as someone who needs help so she leans on Mulder! It made for a good story, as my friends say, but I feel bad about it. When I wrote the sequel, the whole point was to pull St. Scully out of her funk, but I guess that didn't work, as the finished story is Scully having mood swings and leaning on Mulder (but in the process of mood swings, our wonderful Saint gets angry at Mulder quite a few times). Don't worry, the last six are okay: Scully disciplines Mulder for running off again, Scully gets angry -well not angry - disappointed maybe - at Mulder for not leaving her alone, Mulder gets drunk and St. Scully deals with his oh so DRUNK behavior, and a story where both agents go undercover and Mr. Mulder screws up so St. Scully fixes things... as usual.. whoa, take a breath.

Anyway... I FELT IT NECESSARY TO CONFESS THAT I HAVE TREATED ST. SCULLY AS A WEAKLING WHO IS VULNERABLE TO MOOD SWINGS. I hope all you out there can forgive me and read my more SCULLY POWER stories. Thank-you for listening.

Malin Gillian Zilboorg
----------

Dear Person Whose Name I Could Never Pronounce,

Well, as they say, confession is good for the soul. At least you now recognize the error of your ways. With the glut of fanfic out there, I must admit that I am pretty quick with the delete key when I see St. Scully portrayed as weak or needy or any time the evil words "Dana Katherine Scully-Mulder" appear. However, it is the end of your message that has me curious. What exactly is "SCULLY POWER"? Two thoughts spring to mind, equally scary: one of which entails sort of a ninja "Power Pantsuit Ranger" Scully vision and the other involving someone named "Scalpel Spice."

----------
Hi Sister Autumn,

I'm running out of passwords for my workstation. I've used so many variations on the Something!Scully line, I'm running out! My current one is Action!Scully. My last one was KungFu!Scully, but the system in work crashed... maybe it was a PUNK in the system! I suppose I could start on some Punk passwords, but I don't want to!!

Can you help me?

Sister Cal
----------

Hi Sister Cal,

I'd hate to think that the PUNKtergeist had invaded your workstation or that KungFu!Scully had somehow alerted the evil "Kill Switch" AI to crash your system. Perhaps it was just a coincidence. No need to rush out and start using passwords like "Ditching!Mulder" or "RunsLikeAChicken!Mulder" when there are so many Scullyrific ones out there. Perhaps you should get away from the exclamation point thing (after using "Casual!Scully" and "Sailor!Scully" and my favorite "WetLegKick!Scully," of course). I'm willing to bet you have yet to use "Pantsuitedness" or "HooBoy" either. The passwords are there Cal, you just have to know where to look.

----------
Dearest Sister Autumn,

I am in a terrible state right now. I have long practiced the arched eyebrow pose of our Blessed St. Scully. In doing my daily eyebrow arch exercises while reading OBSSE list mail, I found that suddenly my eyebrow would no longer arch. OH MY GOD!! What am I to do? Do you think, as I fear, that this is a permanent impairment? Please help, I implore you!

Sister Cindy
----------

Sister Cindy,

Are you sure it isn't just a cramp? Try taping your eyebrow to your forehead for a while. That might help. Plus, when you remove the tape, you can feel Our Saint's pain personally.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn, Who Knoweth All Wisdom Upon This Earth, Maybe Even More Than The Almighty Creator Of X (And, Thus, Dana), Chris Carter:

I need help. NOW. As a result of my continuous stream of bad grades in math, my parents have forbidden me to watch XF. I have suffered their torture since "Redux 2". My father, who took pity on me soon after my sentence was announced, has been taping all the episodes since. It is, quite frankly, driving me insane. I am glued to the set every time an XF commercial comes up, scrutinizing every second of it. They will only let me watch XF when I get above an 80 on a math quiz or test. As I am not endowed with Scully's wisdom in mathematics (and even though I do well in every other class), I have not come even close to an 80%. I do very poorly, even though I try my hardest to pay attention. I study and do well in class work, but in tests, I fail them almost every time. This is very frustrating because I desperately want to see The Most Holy And Sainted Pantsuitedness in all her glory again on the TV. The most irritating thing is that I have caught only the most minute hints at plot lines on the OBSSE site.

I was wondering if you, Most Intelligent One (or possibly another of the Sisteren and Brethren, if they have suffered the same torture), could offer me some advice on how to endure what seems to be many months more without XF.

Most Humbly Yours,
Sister Maria, devoted Scullyist
----------

Sister Maria,

This may very well be the saddest letter I have ever received. Believe me, if I could give you extra-credit, (that stellar suck-up at the top deserves some recognition) I would. Unfortunately, math teachers usually do not count sucking up to Sister Autumn towards test scores. Heathen.

My only advice is to continue to persevere. Think of the wonderful festival of episodes you will have on that good test day. Think of Scully, a woman who fights the odds (and the odd) every day. Try concocting story problems that involve The Blessed One to work on your math. For instance:

QUESTION: The PUNK receives 3 mysterious emails arriving at 9:25PM, 10:13PM, and 11:21PM. He packs his 2 guns and gets in a Lariat rental (without calling Scully) and drives from DC towards Hooterville, North Carolina averaging 87mph in a 65 zone for 224 miles stopping only once for 9 missing minutes at a rest stop. If St. Scully leaves her apartment at 9AM sharp the next morning perfectly dressed and coifed wearing her button-up sweater (with 6 buttons) and push-up bra (with 2 clasp hooks) and drives at the speed of light to find him, exactly how many minutes will it take her to kick his ass when she does?

ANSWER: 1

See, math can be mastered.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

I have recently found myself in renewed mourning over Emily, dear departed daughter of St. Scully. However, I have not seen her included in the Holy Hall of Martyrs alongside Queequeg, Pendrell, and Missy. Perhaps the RevMa, in her wisdom, felt that Emily, in fact, did not belong in the Hall, since she did not die, strictly speaking, for the Sainted One.

Although I am but a novice, I humbly offer a suggestion for consideration. Perhaps an addition can be made to the Chapel for progeny lost. There we can include such shrines as Emily's coffin and the Vials of the Sacred Ova, as they are recovered. (The Kitchen Crew may be able to liberate one such vial from a certain Punk's freezer).

Yours in Saint Scully,
Sister Sue
----------

Sister Sue,

I think the RevMa, in her wisdom, is overworked. The problem is if we start including the little Uber-Alien Scullys on the website, where does it end? Does every fair-haired Kurt clone talking motherhood who oozes greenly out of existence and may or may not be Scully kin go there? How about all the other little ones we don't know but now know exist? It is a big question since the possibilities are so vast. We may see Emily on the website when the RevMa gets some breathing room. Or not.

By the way, I don't think that Scully ova vial is in Mulder's freezer. I think it is wadded up in his dirty jeans under his futon.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: You know, I have a really good SRE for this. I haven't included Emily in the Hall of Martyrs because, well, she just doesn't belong there. You see, Pendrell, well, he died while taking a bullet for Scully. Melissa did too. And poor Queequeg, in his infinite furry wisdom, well, he was just doing his yappy best to protect our Saint from the evils of Big Blue. But Emily? Well, she just died. Besides, I don't really like the little green booger anyway. So there. ;))

----------
Dear Autumn, who I want to be when I grow up, only now it looks like that's going to be impossible because, well, I'll get into that,

I have a problem. A few weeks ago, I was reading my mail from the OBSSE mailing list like a good Scullyist. We had gotten into a discussion about the personalities of our hero and her sidekick, and someone said that Mulder was a "magenta" personality, backing up the claim with a description of a magenta personality. Oh, Sister Autumn! The description fit me exactly! I...I don't know what to do. I don't know where to turn. At first I cried, then I prayed, asking St. Scully to guide me, then I cried some more. There was much gnashing of teeth. But now, after the tears and prayers and gnashing, I am still lost.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Mulder has his redeeming qualities. But he's just so insensitive. Insensitive?! Moi?! Surely this is not true! And all I ever wanted to be like was Scully...and you of course, but that goes without saying. Should I try to change? Deny my own nature? Please, help me.

In need of...possibly something alcoholic,
Steph.
----------

Sister Steph, Steph, Steph,

Not to worry. While those color comparisons of The Holy Archer of the Eyebrow and angstboy were certainly amusing, I give them no more credence than, say, your horoscope. I mean, after all, Mulder and I actually share the same sign, and I'm not a self-absorbed, dirty-minded, bossy FBI Agent. I work for a software company.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

Up until this last November, I had had a horrible distaste for The X-Files, and our wonderful Saint in particular. Day after day I complained that St. Scully was *scary* (---ducking sheepishly---). A wonderful and patient friend guided and nudged me along to get through that horrible period of darkness in my life. I soon became a devout Scullyist. My friend has caught me up on all the mythology, and I've seen almost all of the other episodes as well (she has them all on tape). However, I feel like I've lost some of the wisdom She has to offer by rushing through them to get caught up. How do I re-gain her messages?

I also find myself craving the warm looks and partnership between The Blessed One and (heaven forbid) the PUNK.... I *know* he's awful to her, and doesn't deserve her one bit, but... I'm afraid that wishing for those moments will cause heartache for the Saint when he goes off and ditches her *again*, and that I'm being selfish. I don't know what to do....

Please bestow some of your wisdom on my young, weakening but ever devout soul,
Sister Katie
----------

Sister Katie,

As to how you can "re-gain" her messages, well frankly you should not have forgotten them. If you wish to merely relish her wisdom, you can do so in many ways: visiting the OBSSE website devoutly, renting the available videos, and of course paying rapt attention to every word I say. As for your other problem, unfortunately, as far as St. Scully is concerned, it appears that outside of boring accountants, nerdy trolls, and homicidal tattoo boys, the PUNK is the only game in town. And we do just want her to be happy. As long as you realize he does not, for even one second, deserve her, there is nothing wrong with obsessively watching the end to "Post Modern Prometheus", "Memento Mori," the conversation in the car from "Tooms," or St. Scully's greatest hit from "Detour".

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

Last night while watching "Travelers" (a bad episode without The Saint), Punk put his glasses on to see his TV. I have no problem with this except for the fact that I *ahem* felt one of those *ahem* feelings (if you know what I mean). I feel guilty because I never really liked the Punk, but with his glasses it's just so, so hard not to, *ahem*, feel those feelings. What's a girl to do?

--XaN
----------

Dear Sister XaN,

And I thought St. Scully was probably, uh, "frustrated"....A PUNK in glasses does not an episode make. If you're going to have *ahem* feelings, at least pick a better story to get worked up over. How anyone could have "feelings" in the same episode as that slimy crustacean lizard butt alien is beyond me. Try the "Pilot" where they both get to wear glasses and no one barfs up a monster.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

Please help me. I know you receive many requests of this kind because Scullyworship is not an easy path. I am angry with St. Scully.

During the latest mytharc two-parter, I yelled at the screen when She-of-the-ever-more-fashionable-pumps didn't mention to Mulder that She felt like wandering off to one of those places where faceless aliens were torching people. And then She ended up in the hospital (again). She told Mulder She couldn't keep going with him, but then She did (subjecting Herself to hypnosis, which She hates). If these two people are supposed to "trust" each other and no one else, WHY can't they ever talk to each other?

Should I be directing my anger at the CC who unfortunately controls The Blessed One's destiny and seems to like seeing her in mortal danger. Should I ignore the fearful tidings of the Movie "Scully gets hurt and is saved by Mulder," which I read in the newspaper? Should I direct the anger at the PUNK (I have had my own "shipper" tendencies)? I love Scully because she's an independent thinker, a mature woman, a scientist, and a great high-kicker, but she seems bent on following Mulder to his doom. Can she continue to work with Mulder and maintain her independence? HELP.

Sister Rebecca V.
----------

Sister Rebecca,

Back away from the keyboard. Slowly. Deep breaths. Let me get this straight. You're angry with Scully (who was perhaps not in complete control of herself) because she didn't mention her feelings to Mulder after he BLEW HER OFF and took a phone call from Marita? I'm thinking we may need to do a Mulderist intervention here. You ask for her independence, but after she gives that wonderful moving speech, you assume she follows *him* to the hypnotist when clearly it is she, not he, that wants these answers. Again, siding with the PUNK. Red alert! She was the one dragging him around. As for talking, it is a two way street, that we know from "Small Potatoes," The Blessed One would love to partake in. And yet you are angry with St. Scully? As The Enigmatic Dr. Scully says "Sure. Fine. Whatever."

As for finding blame or directing anger, there are better places to focus these misguided emotions than St. Scully. You are lucky she is so forgiving. "Bent on following Mulder to his doom"? How about loyal, trustworthy, and searching for her own answers?

Sister, you've got a lot of praying to do. You might want to watch "Never Again" as well.

----------
Dear Sister Autumn,

In my sleep last night I was blessed with a visitation from Saint Scully. In my dream, I actually *became* Saint Scully, and I was being chased by Mighty Morphin Bounty Hunters who (naturally) took the shape of the PUNK. I didn't know whom to trust, so I fled the town (that looked strangely like the Riverwalk in San Antonio) and ended up on the run. Finally, after walking around in the dark for several hours, I received a phone call from a mysterious source, who told me that the only person who could save me was--and this is the weird part--Eugene Tooms, who was indeed alive and well and employed in a woodworking shop, where he had many friends and actually wasn't too bad looking.

Good Sister, what on Earth does this dream mean? I'm honored, of course, to have played the role of The Blessed One in my dream, and it's only natural that I couldn't count on the PUNK to help me, but why does Saint Scully have to count on a *man* yet again to save her? And what was up with being attracted to Tooms (aside from maybe the long fingers, which are somewhat intriguing)?

Afraid to sleep until I receive your divine wisdom,
J. Rose Hale

P.S. The RevMa says I need to become a sister soon--otherwise, you'll whack me with a trout. Should I be concerned? ----------

Dear Trout-Bait,

I am not going to touch the finger comment, but I do have some advice for you: Don't eat Mexican food right before you go to sleep. It has to settle with the appropriate amount of Scullyritas first. Trust me, I know. When I dream about The Blessed One, she doesn't need to count on a man to save her. Really.

P.S. Yes.

(Editor's Note: And here I thought Trout Bait...I mean Jennifer, only dreamt of Skinner? Or was it Mulder? Or maybe Krycek? I'm so confused.... ;)

OBSSE Poll Results:
Hey, She's a BEEliever!

Last month, the Sainted One startled Scullydom when she said (more or less) that she may have very well been abducted by aliens/oiliens/little grey/green men afterall. First tattoos, now this! What is a Scullyist to think? So to help Her followers work through these Scullymongous events, we asked our readers to tell us what other startling conclusions Scully would reveal. What would St. Scully believe next? Here's a few of their responses:

From OBSSE Member *swenson*:
"That there are Aliens! Oh dear, that's happened hasn't it?....LOOK A FLYING PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)"

From Sister Jaina:
"Our Saint, in her infinite wisdom, will believe that all you have to do is flash a grin, hold up a roll of Mentos, and everything will be all right."

From Sister Kara (Zod):
"That Marita is a REAL blonde."

From Sister J.P.:
"The next incredibly implausible theory Scully will buy into is that a prime-time television series can feature an intelligent, strong-willed female character who can make it through an entire sweeps period without being abducted, tortured, or stricken by some deadly disease."

From OBSSE Faithful Friend Paul Wartenberg:
"Top 10 Things Scully Will Believe Next:
10) That Mulder's ties actually look normal.
9) That there's an invisible 6-foot wabbit talking to her about the need for campaign reform.
8) That there is a way to travel back in time so she can stop herself from going into the basement.
7) That Skinner just might be on drugs (thank you, Autumn...;-)).
6) That "The Nanny" is actually funny.
5) That Bigfoot exists...and is working at a car wash in Spokane, WA.
4) That Vancouver looks a lot like Washington DC...and Leon County, FL....and Iowa...and the Arizona desert...and....
3) That Monica Lewinsky didn't inhale (ooooh, I'm going burn for that one!...).
2) That not only UFOs exist, but they're being piloted by British actors left over from "Dr.Who" and "Red Dwarf".

and the number one thing Scully will believe next:
1) That sex with Mulder might actually be fun and fulfilling!"

From Sister Tien Nguyen:
"Before you know it, the Blessed One will actually believe herself everytime she says , "I'm FINE!" or she'll begin to believe Mulder is actually sane. :)"

From Sister Mary Aileen:
"That "new & improved" products are actually *better* than the originals; that construction projects ever come in on schedule and under budget; and that PEEPS are *supposed* to be purple."

From Sister Glasses:
"That she is just a character in a weird TV show and all the things happening to her are purely fictitious, because such an amount of bad karma couldn't exist anywhere but on TV. Of course, we all know better, don't we, Siblings?"

From Sister Debbie:
"That Mulder actually requisitioned her desk and nameplate 4 years ago, but the Facilities Department is having a hard time finding an extra desk, and the nameplate guy is still on vacation."

From Sister AutumnT:
"That those pumps that got ruined in "Colony" were actually attractive footwear."

From Sister XaN:
"That she has another brother."

From Sister Jen (aka Sister Grace):
"That you can get exactly what you order at the Taco Bell drive-thru and be on your way before the beginning of the next millennium."

From Sister Andrea:
"Scully will have a vision, a revelation, of a small, yappy dog returning to her in a dream telling her of the truth that lay in the beyond. She awakes to find herself believing entirely that Queequeg has returned from the dead to help her contact her father from the "other side". Queequeg also came to tell Scully that he never liked that Die Flea Die shampoo, and that he hated his given name. Scully goes to inform Mulder of her deceased dog returning to bring her the message of life after death. Mulder thinks she's gone insane and tells her to go home and get some rest. Scully obeys and finds herself experiencing reoccurring "visitations" from Queequeg as the mutt messes with her mind- trying to convince her to believe the lie. Scully is now completely believing in paranormal dead dog visions so she joins MUTTFON to talk about her experiences. Later, Mulder thinks that she has gotten a little too close to the "truth" and that she is no longer capable of making her own rationale decisions. So, he enters her into a mental institution where she continues to find hope in visits from her long gone Pomeranian. Mulder soon starts to feel guilty, so he goes out and buys Scully another Pomeranian. Scully accepts the gift, and her ailments and paranoia taper off and she is released from the institution. A few weeks later, she believes that the dog's rambunctious behavior can only be explained by the logical conclusion that Queequeg has been reincarnated.... returned in mind and soul in the body of her new dog. Finally, at least she believes in something."

Wedding Bell Blues...

As an organization of Scullyists, it's not often that we dwell on things Mulderistic. But we must admit: This Mulder ring thing has us stumped. (If you've been living under a rock, Mulder has been seen sporting a wedding band in two flashback episodes this season: "Unusual Suspects" and most recently, "Travelers.")

Being good Scullyists, we want an explanation of why Agent Mulder would be wearing a wedding ring circa 1990. Somehow, "DD just thought it would be interesting to have Mulder married before," just doesn't suffice. In fact, most of us consider it a major F*** Up. We want an "in character" answer! We want a satisfying resolution! We *demand* an SRE (Scully Rational Explanation)!!!!

Therefore, for this month's OBSSE poll, we ask our members to provide a SRE for why Mulder is wearing a wedding ring. Remember, serious is nice, but funny is better.

I've got something for everyone this month. A great case file story with a dash of UST (my personal favorite genre), some good old fashioned and well written smut, and some laughs. I hope you enjoy this month's picks as much as I did. Be warned, however, that most of these stories contain adult content, so younger readers avert your eyes. If you have fanfic picks suggestions, email them to me at autumnt@aol.com.

Nascent

My first recommendation is a terrific story by a new author to the fanfic scene. Nascent has a great hold on the Scully/Mulder dynamic, and her dialogue between them had me longing to see it brought to life between Anderson and Duchovny. I can't think of much higher praise than that. Read "Eye of the Beholder", you will not be sorry you did. (Note: you will be prompted for a login and password. Use "guest" for both.) Nascent also wrote a little cancer time frame ScullyAngst piece called "Alien Comfort" that has our heroes doing a little bonding to ward off despair. It's a quick, pleasant read.

Shalimar

Shalimar has long been one of my guilty pleasures when I am in the mood for, er, um, adult stories. The nice thing is her tales aren't all about sex. Well, I guess the award winning "Playing Goddess" sort of is, but it is just sooo good. Then again her post-"The Field Where I Died" tale, "The Letter" will make it certain you never look at a Ford Explorer the same way again. Pardon me while I cool down a bit. For you angst fans she's also penned a difficult piece (big content warning here) that explores some very harsh hero abuse in "The Dark Slide of Ecstasy". Her latest piece, however, is a completely sex-free post-"The Red and the Black" vignette that tells us what happened next in the car at the end entitled "Camp". All her stories can be found on her webpage.

R.J. Christensen

My last recommendation is from our own Brother RJ. He decided to take another look at "Small Potatoes" and write his own version of it from a Scullyist standpoint. What we have is a tale that is the same, but different - if you know what I mean. I hope you get a kick out of "Mixed Nutz". RJ's writing can be found on his webpage.

Welcome New Sisters and Brothers!

Every month, we spotlight a few recent additions to our OBSSE family. Welcome Sisters and Brothers to our little slice of Scully Heaven (aka the OBSSE)! ;)

Sister Kate confesses:
"I would gladly give up all to join the Order of St. Scully--except my VCR, the primary tool of a devotee."

Sister Cynthia testifies:
"Hail Scully, Proxy Mother of Fox, blessed art thou among women. I am not worthy. I beseech thee humbly to bestow upon me the divine breath of science and skepticism that I might gird myself against the threat of Extreme Possibilities. I would gladly take thine implant into my body as proof of faith, that you might not suffer the persecutions of those who would destroy you. I have sinned; I have defiled my mind with licentious thoughts of an incubus known as "Spooky," and seek your guidance in purging these wanton impurities. Have mercy upon this poor penitent. Amen."

Sister Mayra exclaims:
"I think St. Scully is the best thing since sliced bread!...I saw the light, and it's coming from The Blessed One!"

Sister Gee states:
"I have broken free of the chains of Mulderism. I feel the need to redeem by soul and pledge myself to all things Scully!"

Sister MaryM confesses:
"For so long I've visited the chapel but have been afraid to seek admittance because I doubted my worthiness. When my house was so dirty we could no longer find our beloved family cats, my husband chided me, "Scully would never let her apartment get to this state," he said. That was my Scully epiphany. Only by attempting to model my life after The Blessed One could I hope to handle the demands of 90s womanhood. But it is hard, so hard, to be strong. Thus, I now request admittance to the Order so that by walking with my Sisters and Brothers, I may look to them for strength when I feel weakness trying to overtake me--such as when I feel the urge to go out on a Friday night instead of staying home to work or read a good book."

Brother Brent (David) testifies:
"I have a religious experience every time I see Scully. This last episode of X-Files sucked. Couldn't we have had even a little Scully? Are we unworthy? I'm afraid."

Sister Shana exclaims:
"My friends are starting to become concerned, and they refuse to watch The X-Files with me because of sudden outbursts of , "Isn't Scully great? She kicks ass!" =)"

Sister Sarah says:
"I have a Pomeranian. I hate the name Bambi. And I have a penchant for rebellious tattoos. Plus, I believe that St. Scully is the epitome of all things glorious. May she reign forever supreme!"

Sister Marie proclaims:
"I've always felt that the wonders of The Blessed One was self-evident. Therefore, I've never felt the need to become an official Scullyist in any capacity. In recent weeks, however, I've joined the OBSSE mailing list and got to see firsthand how great the people here are. It only goes to show how "Scullyish" The Blessed One is to inspire such people as followers. I would be proud to be an official member of the OBSSE and carry on the good work thus far so nobly advanced; to take increased devotion to the righteous cause of Scully First."

The OBSSEwood Minute
By Sister Autumn

Well, not to say I told you so, but you did hear it here first. It is now official. The X-Files is moving to Los Angeles for next season. The good news is that the directors are up to the challenge. Kim Manners sounded very excited about the prospect of using new locations and the personal challenges involved in maintaining the show's look and feel. Plus, we will have two happy stars and thankfully no ugly prospect of the Scully and Spudner - uh, I mean Spender - show looming on the horizon. Let's hope this change invigorates the show and the actors. I guess the next pilgrimage is to Los Angeles. Look for filming to wrap in Vancouver this month (April 29) and start up again July 6th in LA.

On the upcoming episode front, we've got two new ones slated for this month. "Mind's Eye" guest stars the wonderful Lili Taylor (you may remember her from "Mystic Pizza" or "Dogfight" to name a few). Advance word on "Mind's Eye" is quite good. Both writer Minear and director Manners are very excited about it. Finishing out the month is "All Souls" a story by the now departed Angel/Brown writing team. It looks to delve into more angst for The Blessed One as word on the street is that the child actor who played Emily will be making an appearance in this one. After "All Souls" it is three more new episodes until the end of the season. FYI, it looks as if the season ender is not a 2-part episode. It is being billed as "part 1 of 3," which means the movie is part 2.

Speaking of the movie, it looks like the competition on June 19th is very wary. Several of the films originally slated for that day have switched dates being afraid to go head-to-head with whatever the hell they end up calling it. I will say that the EXPO preview did make me a bit nervous for Her Pantsuitedness in her big screen debut. She seems to spend much of the time looking very, very stern when she isn't being saved by Mulder. Still, seeing her arch that eyebrow on a huge screen has me quite excited. And Gillian has told us there is quite a bit of Action!Scully, so I am hopeful.

Gillian Anderson is playing more than Agent Scully these days. Her quick and funny big-haired turn in "Chicago Cab" can be seen the week of April 16th at the Los Angeles Independent Film Festival. Keep your eyes peeled for it popping up in events like this in the other major markets as well. Also, Ms. Anderson appears to have set her sights for her summer hiatus working on her first non-Scully starring roll in the Miramax family drama, "Dancing About Architecture." Looks like all those awards are doing her some good on the casting front. I can't wait to see this talented actress in other roles.

Before heading out of Vancouver, Gillian Anderson and a number of other X- Files stars are participating in a fundraiser called "The Cure is Out There" for the Canadian Cancer Society. The April 20th Dean Haglund hosted benefit will feature appearances, speeches, and Q&A sessions with Gillian Anderson, William B. Davis, R.W. Goodwin, Nicholas Lea, Mitch Pileggi, Chris Owens, Tom Braidwood, Bruce Harwood, Sheila Larken, and Rebecca Toolan. Tickets are available through TicketMaster.

Lastly, the online X-Files guide, "Unrestricted Access" is FINALLY out. Careful though, this thing is a bear to install if you don't choose to install the browser that comes with it. Let's just say my system was completely hosed and took a good 8 hours for me to get it working again. I think the interface is a bit clunky, but it is filled with clips, sounds, and info on the series. You can look around St. Scully's living room, but for some reason you can't explore her kitchen or bedroom. Damn. Also included on the CD is a preview for the still long awaited game. What I saw looked exciting and well produced, but beware that Scully's track record of dodging and deflecting bullets ends with a nasty shoulder shot in this upcoming outing.

Komix by Kev

Brother Kevin, one of the Abbey's most beloved "artistes" has resurfaced from that horrible REAL LIFE thing he had going, to bring us yet another one of his fine illustrations. As always, thank you Brother Kev for your work and for your work on the OBSSEsed Fest t-shirts. They look MAHVELOUS! ;)

That's all for this month folks! See you again in May when we are joined by Sister Paula R., who will be serving as our new newsletter editor. Until then, stay Scullyrific!
Copyright 1998, Nancy Cotton