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"Now I want you to take just a moment. I want you to think about what really matters to you."
Did you see any of it on the screen in "Brand X"? If you did, consider yourself lucky. I suppose it had elements in it that would usually add up to an entertaining episode, but all I was left with was a rather ambivalent feeling. I didn't hate it, but I can't really say I liked it either. I suppose if you are a Skinner fan, it was nice to see him get to do more than sit behind a desk and be stern. I'll admit I enjoyed seeing the expression on his face as he was on the other end of an ass chewing for a change, even sweating a bit he's so nervous about screwing up. I suppose of you are a Scully fan, you did get to see her do a couple of autopsies and look all angsty over Mulder possibly dying on the table. I suppose if you are a Mulder fan, he got some cute quips off ("can't blow the whistle with a mouth like that") and you got your Mulder in jeopardy fix. Still, it all just sat there for me in between the deep suction and obviously computer-generated beetle spewing effect. It didn't make me care.
Ex-"Harsh Realm" writers Steven Maeda and Greg Walker were responsible for writing this hour of television, and we've certainly seen worse first efforts over the years. I think the idea itself is intriguing - the fact that second hand smoke really does kill and that a tobacco company trying to engineer cigarettes that are healthier ends up killing its focus group in a rather gruesome manner, but this one lost me in the execution. I didn't really understand why Skinner called Mulder and Scully in the first place unless he thought they were just sitting in the basement playing tiddly winks. Surely Scully is not the only pathologist in the world who could perform an autopsy. I mean don't get me wrong, she's good, but still. The 'gee aren't corporate lawyers pricks' scene was one I felt like I'd seen a million times (though I will admit I did enjoy Mulder's little come back). I thought for a while there was going to be some morality tale about the Doctors living the high life (what the heck was up with that window treatment flag swag) while the test subject lived in squalor in a place called "Abbot Mansions" (ick - shag carpet in the hallway), but that never really panned out. Then there was the whole disappearing bug trick which was just meant to keep the audience guessing - apparently these odd behaving bugs like fast food - they eat their way out and then scram instead of sticking around a known food source for seconds.
As far as the supporting actors are concerned Dennis Boutsikaris (Dr. Voss) is one of those guys who everyone has seen somewhere. Frankly for some reason he consistently annoys me, he always seems to be working too hard for my tastes: LOOK! I'm nervous - see me scratching my hands! LOOK! I'm sensitive - I've got tears in my eyes while talking to Skinner! He just seemed a bit much. On the other hand Tobin Bell as Weaver was just creepy as all get out. He had that burnt out malevolence down - I loved the way he delivered "and give up all this?" Hey, why wash your clothes when you can just wait until they rot off your body! I'll admit to some things that I liked about "Brand X": I liked the way having Skinner in the mix while Mulder was asking Scully his usual bizarre autopsy questions unsettled her a bit and she kept shooting Skinner looks while asking Mulder about the bug theory. It was nice that this was a total teamwork case that even included Skinner with Mulder finding the initial clues and Scully running with them and even figuring out how to save Mulder medically. I liked Skinner trying to tough out looking at the lung o' worms when it clearly grossed him out. I liked the way Scully was hyper aware of Mulder from the first cough. I liked the reaction of Mulder "it must be bad" to Scully holding his hand and the whole "Mr. E Pluribus" thing and thought Duchovny did a good job with his breathing attack. On the whole though, this episode just drug despite all that was going on.
t's rather easy in the X-Files world to tell when an episode has run short. Whenever you see a real long shot of Mulder and Scully driving up, getting out of a car, and walking purposefully across a lawn when you can't even see their faces and nothing else happens, the episode needed padding. When what was I'm sure supposed to be some sort of a tense standoff ran so long I was thinking "sheesh, just shoot old Mr. Weevil in this lifetime already", maybe, just maybe, they were looking for ways to make the episode fill out. That particular scene went on so long I was forced to wonder if that look on Skinner's face was his version of clenching his breath instead of just holding it. I can just see them in the editing room on this one: "We're still 30 seconds short, did Manners shoot Mulder getting into a car or something that we can use?" Last, I just have to say it just doesn't seem right to do an entire episode about the evils of smoking and Morley tobacco without seeing hide nor hair of CancerMan.
-That shot of Mulder and Scully arriving at the scene was so long and unnecessary that my mind began to wander to such important topics as how is it that Scully always knows when to wear a skirt and when to wear pants. Just once I'd like to see that part of Psychic!Scully fail and see her forced to slog through mud, chase some monster thing, or stop, drop, and roll in a skirt.
-I guess they really wanted to make up for the complete lack of violence last week. Every so often 1013 likes to try to top itself in the gross department. Maybe they just want to make sure that they get a spread for the makeup folks in Fangora magazine once a year. You know it is going to be one of those episodes when even Scully makes a face upon seeing the first photos.
-Skinner certainly is a calming influence. He tells the folks to "try and put their minds at ease" in one breath and to stay away from the windows and doors the next. I'm sure that helped.
-When Mrs. Scobie said, "Do we have to ask you if we can use the bathroom?" all I could think was that isn't a bad idea on this show given it's the favorite place to die on the X-Files.
-I'm sorry, I can suspend disbelief with the best of them, but you can't tell me that a person would not notice if they coughed up a squirming beetle that big. Thank God Mulder was on the case once again since a home full of FBI agents didn't even notice a glass sitting on a table tinged with blood.
-You know, I've tried to block the entire episode from my head, but even I remember that Mulder was a smoker in his past thanks to "Travelers." If they were going to make such a brouhaha over a pack of cigarettes at the end it would have been nice to see some acknowledgment that both Mulder *and* Scully have had their moments as nicotine fiends before.
-Speaking of, I did think it was sort of funny that all the evils of smoking lines fell upon Gillian Anderson to deliver. There's irony for you. It made me laugh out loud when she acted as if Mulder had just killed a puppy as he held that pack of Morleys.
-I have to say something about the hair. It looked fine at the start of the episode, but I'm not sure why they felt the need to push it behind Scully's ears for the rest of the hour. It doesn't bother me that much even though it is flat (and I think we all know how I feel about that) just because it reminds me of "Bad Blood" and the end of "Never Again" and during this hour it was nice to remember really good episodes.
-So let me get this straight. Voss just carries around cartons of the evil test cigarettes in his brief case? Why? He was clearly surprised to see Weaver.
-I've always liked the autopsy goggle reflecto shots. Too bad that it still didn't save us from having to linger on the wormy contents of lungs later on.
-It cracks me up when the time stamp is shown at the same time a clock is very visibly showing a completely different time. It would have been so easy to adjust the 8:02 in post production.
-I find it intriguing that almost every single time you see a TV playing on the X-Files if it is not plugging some other Chris Carter show or a cartoon it's usually a black and white movie.
-How funny was it that victim number two was living in a complete dump and reading "Home" magazine. I guess he'd already finished "Martha Stewart Living".
-Frank's Fashion Spot: You're punishing me for something, aren't you Frank? You're using your position as Executive Producer to make sure Scully has a whole bunch of those untucked button up shirts. Gee, this one was in a shade of nicotine yellow. How special.
-Typical Mulder: While they are discussing how the bugs could be the killers and even be contagious or carry a bacterium, Mulder snags one with an ungloved hand. Well, they didn't see the need to quarantine anything either so I guess I'm not surprised.
-Here all these years we never knew that Scully had her own entomologist pal. Too bad it wasn't a guy named Thumper.
-If you could actually draw yourself away from the sight of worms being sucked up a tube into a big soupy mix, the big operation scene was a stitch. Apparently they were very, very worried about Mulder drooling. There were two nurses on hand just to provide and dispose of drool swabs. And then we had a doctor preparing that all important syringe of something like they always do while Scully looked stoically on. It cracked me up.
-So that was the multi-billion dollar international company's "Agricultural Research Department"? It should have been named the "leafy houseplants on wheels division", because that was pretty much what I saw.
-Why in the world was that lawyer in the lab with Voss? Does he need a legal bodyguard to prevent him from making his weepy statements?
-A focus group of four people? That seems pretty damn small to me. These three people that died, were they closet smokers? Apparently they didn't infect others and yet Mulder was in a room for a minute and was beetlejuiced. Skinner must have been saved by not breathing from a distance and the convenience store clerk, is he dead behind the counter now?
-What sort of outmoded word processor was Mulder working on his report in? WordStar FBI? And why is he "back there" to do it? Is his computer busted or did he move that into her area too?
Autumn
"Toodles."