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"It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people"
"I'm not going to ask you if you just said what I think you
just said because I know it is what you just said."
Darin Morgan is my new patron saint of the X-Files. He writes episodes that begin with "Behold the mighty cockroach", reference "Planet of the Apes" not once, but twice, and end with an explosion of feces. No relatives of Mulder or Scully die, no one has an earthshattering crisis of faith, no cigarettes are smoked, Mulder and Scully act like partners who like each other, and no one cries (except me from laughing so hard). No, I don't want every X-Files episode to be like this, but yes I really enjoy the variety he brings to the show. I'm glad that Chris Carter has decided that it is OK to lighten up the show every so often and show us that both Mulder and Scully are, well, funny.
Ever wonder how Mulder & Scully spend their weekends when they aren't working on a case? It isn't pretty. Mulder, away while his apartment is fumigated (and they didn't do a real good job at that we see at the end), is either waxing poetic about the lights in the sky or "just sittin', thinkin'". Meanwhile, it is a big time Saturday night for our professional single gal Dana Scully. Let's see - she's spent all day trying to get a hold of Mulder (no doubt out of sheer boredom), she cleans her gun, eats a healthy salad on her coffee table sitting on the floor while watching business news on TV, washes her dog (who apparently only exists in Darin Morgan episodes), reads "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by the fire (in a clever jab at David Duchovny's Jeopardy loss), and makes up for the healthy salad by eating ice cream right out of the tub while researching cockroaches. This woman NEEDS a date.
I have to admit I found the evening of phone conversations in the first half of this episode the best part. Their teasing was priceless and then there were those famous Scully Rational Explanations (SREs). It was like watching a big inside joke. Mulder wants her to come there, but she keeps finding logical explanations. How she can come up with this stuff off the top of her head and be right each time is an X-File in and of itself - either that or she's psychic. The conversations became a parody of their more serious cases with Scully worried about Mulder and being cut off every time.
SRE1: Anaphylactic shock - allergy to cockroaches. "Still want
me to come up?"
SRE2: Syndrome caused by drug use that makes people believe
insects are burrowing into their skin. "Still want me to come
up?" Mulder is sorry for bothering her. "It's no bother."
Don't we know it.
SRE3: Brain aneurysm from straining. "Who died now?"
Now it gets real fun. I'm always amazed that there are actually some folks who can watch the X-Files and say there is no sexual tension between the characters. This episode we got that and more - a jealous Scully -- how dare Mulder two time on her with another scientist - especially one named "Bambi". I find it infinitely amusing that Scully can spend a whole episode telling Mulder that cockroaches can't be attacking people, but as soon as he tells her HE is surrounded by them she gets in a tizzy and tells him to get out of there. Mulder, meanwhile spots the scientist-babe, blows off Scully with "gotta go" and the hilarious "not now", and goes into ultra-flirty mode listening oh so intently to Bambi's "UFOs are insect swarms" theory while Scully stare plaintively at her phone eventually sleeping with it out of worry.
This of course leads to what I consider a new classic X-Files phone scene beginning with Scully answering sleepily "Mulder are you OK?" and only focusing on the newly acquired Bambi information. The lookon her face when Mulder asked if he could confess something to her was that of someone afraid of what she might hear. Of course she does get in the parting shot "Are you sure it wasn't a girlie scream?" before Mulder leaves her in a lurch again and she decides she'd better get up there. Mulder has quickly forgotten his need for Scully to join him in his now bambinated state and answers simply "whatever" upon finding out about her impending arrival after assuring her she isn't needed after all.
How about the great Scully/Bambi face off. Where we find that EVEN Bambi gets to call him Fox causing Scully to start showing off and serving attitude. Yeah, I'm sure she needed to check that gun clip right then. "This is no place for an entomologist". ROFL!
Of course if this episode has a weakness it is that we reach the end with no clue as to what was really going on. Where did these roaches come from? If they were robots how could Dr. Bugger die of anaphylactic shock? Maybe some were "robots" and some weren't? What was it that Mulder and the Dr. saw that made them need to share a drink after looking at it? Was it just a new species from another country or another planet? Or was it simply mass hysteria perpetrated by an "alternative fuels" researcher who sniffed a bit too much "Die Bug Die" before proving that his early statement "Bugs, they drive me crazy" was indeed correct?
-You've got to love the "bug cam" shots (especially the roach down the drain bit) - way cool.
-I know they probably thought it was clever, but the roach crawling across the screen was a bit much.
-The Mulder watchers ought to be happy with this one - we got shirtless beefcake scenes, the return of the boxers, partially fastened pants, and that black turtleneck that seems to be so popular.
-There's been a lot of rumblings about the whole Mulder/Scully schism thing this season with folks on the net even begging for Mulder and Scully to even be in the same room - but I've got to say if this is the sort of phone conversations we are going to get "ya gotta keep 'em separated". At least some of the time. Way too funny.
-I know TV Guide gave it away, but the "Scully what are you wearing?" line was great - ever notice how she smiles at his jokes when he can't see her?
-Miller's Grove was a joke on the place from the famous "War of the Worlds" broadcast.
-Lots of retreads. Stoner was the cop's kid from "Red Museum". The toilet death victim the visual expert from "Calusari", and I'm still racking my brain about a few others.
-"Just because i work for the Federal government doesn't mean I'm an expert in cockroaches."
-Wussy flashlights just don't get it - having it conk out will teach Mulder to carry his real flashlight.
-Just how "hung" is a club-tailed dragon fly?
Autumn
Smart is sexy