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"You never wanted to be an astronaut when you were a kid Scully?"
"I guess I missed that phase."
"Space" is an episode with a special distinction for me. While I obviously love the X-Files, I can also recognize that along with the great, good, and OK episodes there occasionally emerges a sad clunker or two. Some are even astoundingly bad. Everyone has a "worst X-Files episode ever" entry. "Space" is mine. If I may quote the character of Michelle Generoo: "It was grotesque. I don’t know what it was." I think it is fitting that this episode was written by Chris Carter himself as I find him to be one of the more uneven writers on staff. His highs are tremendous moments celebrated by X-Philes everywhere. His lows are often a wordy and confusing mish- mash, or in this case Mars-mush.
In the X-Files the teaser is an important moment. It is meant to grab the audience’s attention and involve them immediately in the story. This one tends to induce you to sleep. A news report from the 70s complete with scary 70s newsgirl clothes talking to then Lt. Col. Belt about the Viking Orbiter taking pictures of something that looked like a face on Mars. Belt scoffs, takes home a black and white photo of the darn thing, has an incredibly unconvincing looking nightmare and then the ceiling above his bed turns into the face and lands on him. Whatever.
Somewhere in this mess we find out that Belt has been haunted by something that looks just like that silly Mars face since a long ago space walk. Apparently the thing makes him try to sabotage the space program over the years while twisting around on his face at night. Oh, and I forgot, every once in a while it leaves his body to fly up into space or around deserted roads. Now there’s a compelling ghost story. It’s kind of an alien haunting with ultra cheesy effects (I won’t call them special effects as they were far from special).
So, the majority of the episode consists of these boring sequences in mission control where stock NASA footage is shown, something goes wrong with the shuttle, stock NASA footage is shown, the shuttle commander make brave jokes, stock NASA footage is shown, Mulder and Scully stand around looking tense, more footage, clocks tick, Mulder explains some NASA thing to Scully, footage, Belt looks guilty while Generoo looks tense and says "OTC this is Houston" like a million times, and then after more footage everyone claps as the shuttle is once again saved. (It should be noted that these celebration moments do include an X-Files rarity - not only does Scully smile she even laughs in relief). Believe it or not this sequence of events takes place not once, but twice. As if the first time was not exciting enough.
Even the detective work in this one is laughable it is so implausible. First of all Ms. Generoo shows up in DC acting all cloak and dagger saying "according to the person who gave me your names you have some expertise in unexplained phenomena". So, I guess after just a short period of time Mulder and Scully have even gained a following down at Johnson Space Center so much that they are sought out. Also, the fact that she had to go to these lengths when she had clear evidence of a problem is ridiculous. I should come clean here and let you all know that not only did I live in Houston for nine years, I spent a lot of time at Johnson Space Center when I was there. There are plenty of other avenues she could have taken to get action given her position at NASA - especially after the Challenger accident - that would have got that mission seriously investigated. Instead we get that stereotypical weak female "my boyfriend is on the shuttle" explanation.
So, when they actually get to NASA we find that no one there sends more than one computer dweeb to investigate a major shuttle telemetry problem until they arrive? Right. Thank God they were there. But wait, it gets better. In under four hours our amazing heroes manage to run back up to a Houston high rise apartment to find Belt and return him to JSC - yet they still have time to go through a NASA library looking through what are described as tens of thousands of documents with Scully finding the needle in a haystack proving Belt knew about the problems while Mulder single-handedly solves the seven year old Challenger mystery. Are they smart or what! It’s no wonder everyone at mission control listened and obeyed Mulder when he rushed down telling them how to solve their shuttle problem.
Things get really annoying at the very end where Mulder, after reading the non-existent "Houston Daily", decides that Belt was some sort of hero who gave his life rather than a psycho who was responsible for one of the worst space program disasters ever. Oh yeah, the Mars ghost made him do it.
Despite being so bad I have to commend Anderson and Duchovny for not phoning in their performances - maybe as it was so early in the life of the X-Files it was not the temptation it can be these days when confronted with a weak script. There were actually some fun moments between them. My favorite moment of this episode is that initial cart ride through JSC where Mulder is talking about a conspiracy to deny evidence of alien civilizations and Scully answers with a sarcastic "Oh, of course". The rest of the time we have Mulder skipping like a school boy down the halls of NASA as he fulfills his boyhood fantasies, pontificating about the space program or acting star struck while Scully asks the questions of Belt (who gives her ultra corny answers like the shuttle coming back "like winged victory herself").
-This is one of the few episodes that features Scully munching on sunflower seeds too. As she turns when approached by Ms. Generoo on the steps you can see her chewing along with Mulder.
-Well they obviously wanted to make sure we *just knew* we were at NASA as it is plastered all over everything they see.
-I know this is even more nitpicky than usual for me (if you can possibly believe it), but hey, as I said, I used to live in Houston. It is apparent that Carter has absolutely no idea how NASA and Houston are actually laid out. NASA JSC is actually about 40 minutes south of the city in Clear Lake (even though the JSC land itself is owned by Houston). Mulder and Scully would have either been staying at the hotels across the street or in Houston itself so all these "We’ve got to get back to Houston" pleadings just don’t make sense. Plus, it is major streets and highway all the way from Houston to Clear Lake - no odd little deserted roads where Mars faces can run you down.
-Dr. Scully wasn’t much of a factor in this episode. Her attempts to help Michelle after the crash comprised of half hearted pulse taking and hair swiping. Later, when Belt collapses, Mulder asks for a Doctor when she is standing right there. Plus she lets Mulder do that silly finger "focus your pain - right here" thing at a risk to Belt’s health. Belt wasn’t the only one whose pain was focused by this point.
-It’s no wonder Mulder has dropped his gun so often. Here, while Scully holds hers muzzle up in two hands he walks around with it loose and pointing every which way in one hand.
-Fashion Watch: It may have been dull to sit through, but at least Scully got to wear her rather fetching red suit even if she also brought along a purple trench coat.
-Poor disillusioned Mulder having to watch Belt lie to the press. Scully says "So much for your boyhood hero" which really means "Here Mulder let me rub some salt in your wounds."
-I certainly got a chuckle out of the NASA file names that kept scrolling by during the great computer search with names like WEIGHTLESS.DOC.
Autumn
"Yeah, it ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning
to braid my own hair."